July Days

 

                July flew by, and it was more eventful than I expected and am used to.  Last July not much was going on, no indoor or large gatherings and staying home to avoid catching the virus made for a string of lazy summer days spent blowing bubbles, reading, and keeping in touch via texts except for a few times friends or family stopped over to visit on the patio sharing coffee.  This year was different, the weather has not been as pleasant, and more days were spent inside with the air conditioning than out in the hot humid air.  With my family all being vaccinated we are able to gather inside, and we have.  Our most notable time together was my Christmas in July cookie exchange.

               It was arguably the hottest, muggiest week of the summer leading up to the big day, and it may sound crazy, but I baked 2 kinds of cookies, as did my sister in law and niece together.  It’s challenging getting my dough right in such weather conditions because even though I have the air conditioning, it affected the texture of my dough.  Lemon cookie cutouts became lemon drop cookies because in spite of refrigerating the dough for 24 hours it remained too soft and sticky to work with.  So I still decorated them with red and green sugar and they were just as tasty, unexpectedly puffy and crisper than I expected.  They were delicious with iced tea and had a very light lemony flavor.  My other batch was eggnog walnut oatmeal cookies.  They are a drop cookie but again the dough was very sticky despite refrigerating it for a few hours.  They were crispy and flat, and very tasty with a slight spicy flavor reminiscent of eggnog and delicious with iced coffee.  We also did a Christmas craft making fans with last year’s Christmas cards.  It was simple to do, (my guests dubbed it a Kindergarten craft), but fun and useful if one is too warm.  They can be hung on the Christmas tree as an ornament or be used to embellish a gift.  Then we did Christmas Mad Libs for a while before ordering pizza to munch.  While we ladies were busy tasting all the cookies and drinking iced coffee and iced tea and making our fans, my husband and brother went shopping at a new hardware store they’d been dying to check out.  We saved them some cookies, of course!  All in all it was a really fun day and we ended it by donning our Santa or elf hats for a group photo.  I think this will be my favorite memory of the summer.

               Although we’re not really back to “normal”, (whatever THAT is), we’re doing more than we did last summer with others and it feels good.  I don’t think things, at least for me, will ever be the way they were before everything shut down but it can still be good.  Maybe better in some ways, and different, which isn’t a bad thing.  It just might take some getting used to.

Of course there had to be a Christmas tree and some gifts!

                             The fans we made and the Mad Libs.  So much fun!

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Here are the two cookie recipes I used, in case now you feel like baking cookies!

 

Lemon Christmas Tree Cookies (5 dozen small)

1/3 cup soft butter           1 cup sugar

1 egg                                   2 cups sifted flour

½ teaspoon soda              ¼ teaspoon salt

1 Tablespoon lemon peel              3 Tablespoons lemon juice

Cream butter thoroughly.  Add sugar gradually, beating until fluffy.  Beat in egg, then add lemon peel. Sift together flour, soda, and salt. Add to creamed mixture alternately with lemon juice, mixing until smooth.  Divide dough in half and wrap in waxed paper. On lightly floured surface, roll out ½ of dough at a time to 1/8 inch thickness.  With floured cookie cutter, cut into desired shapes (I usually use a tiny Christmas tree cutter) and decorate with colored sugar, if desired. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375* F for 10 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from pan and cool on wire rack.

**When I made them drop cookies they were bigger and took a couple minutes longer to bake.  I got only about 2 ½ dozen.**

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Egg Nog Oatmeal Walnut Drop Cookies

1 cup all purpose flour          ½ teaspoon baking powder      ½ teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon cinnamon           ½ teaspoon nutmeg                   ¼ cup shortening

¼ cup softened butter          ½ cup granulated sugar             1/3 cup packed brown sugar

1 egg                                        2 Tablespoons milk                    ½ teaspoon vanilla

1 cup quick cooking rolled oats                   ¼ cup chopped walnuts

Stir together flour, baking powder, baking soda, ¼ teaspoon salt and spices.  In mixer bowl beat shortening and butter for 30 seconds; add sugars and beat till fluffy.  Add egg, milk, and vanilla; beat well.  Add dry ingredients to beaten mixture, beating till well combined.  Stir in oats and walnuts.  Chill dough 2 hours; form 1 inch balls.  Dip tops of balls in additional granulated sugar or cinnamon sugar, if desired.  Place on an ungreased cookie sheet.  Bake in a  375*F oven for 10-12 minutes. Makes 36

Purple and White Clover

 

            One recent day I was out walking Hillary up and down the driveway, just to do something besides sit in the house, as our van was in for repairs so we couldn’t go anywhere.  It was a hot day, this being July, and I noticed that we have a lot of white clover growing wild all over the yard.  It reminded me of those slower paced days when my first daughter was nearly a year old and our summer days were spent with the little kiddie pool in the grass where she played and discovered the world, as toddlers do.  I remember watching the honeybees in the bright sun flying from clover to clover, collecting pollen while small white and yellow butterflies floated from flower to flower drinking the nectar they contained.  It’s a lovely memory of easier, happy days when my whole world was right there in my view, no matter what else may have been happening in the world at large. That was a serene time of life.

               When I was a kid our yard had white clover growing in it, too, and I remember making little chains from it, braiding the stems together to make bracelets and garlands to wear like a crown.  My mother said that you can eat clover, but it’s better to have the larger purple kind as it’s easier to pull the petals off and taste the sweet nectar inside them.  She was right!  They used to grow along a dirt road by our house that we always referred to (and still do) as the new road.  That road connected our street with the next one up a hill and was blocked off by phone poles lying across both ends as it wasn’t open for vehicles until the town paved it many years later.  On the sides of that road grew not just the purple clover, but Queen Anne’s lace, black eyed Susan, daisies and corn flower along with other weeds I can’t name.  We’d walk along that short stretch of road with the sun hot on our backs; gravel crunching under our feet whenever we walked to the grocery store or the post office.  Picking the Queen Anne’s lace on our way home and then putting them in little glasses with colored water was one of the best things to do, and exciting to check on them periodically all afternoon while the white flowers lined up on the kitchen windowsill changed to the color in the glass. I’m glad I had a mother who taught me about flowers and growing things.  Our yard had flower beds and a small vegetable patch where we grew radishes, carrots, scallions and leaf lettuce. It’s a nice feeling to grow some of your own food, we spent time together weeding and caring for the flowers and vegetables.  One year we planted marigold seeds in a sunny spot and that year we had monarch butterflies by the dozens, drawn there by the heady yellow blooms.

               It’s amazing how just noticing what is right in front of me can evoke so many pleasant memories.  It’s a little like time travel going back in my mind to things I have forgotten about.  I think it makes for a little bit of serenity in what is a stressful time for all.

The months of this year just seem to be flying by.  Each month brings a new beginning.

         I have no trellis for the clematis, it's just growing among the pachysandra.  Things got a little out of control this year!

Letting Go

 

      I’ve said good bye to many things this past year, as we all have due to the pandemic.  I think what I miss most is the routine of the weekdays.  Since I was (still am) unable to work as Hillary has no day program to attend, we have no set routine like we did when I had to get her ready to leave the house either for the bus or to drop her off before I went to work.  I miss the routine of finding a parking space, and saying “good morning” to my coworkers, then rushing through errands after work and getting home in time to change, knock back a cup of coffee, and welcome Hillary home.  There is no reason for rushing now, no sense of urgency to my time.  It was nice at first, now it makes for a long day.  I miss how things were, but I doubt I will be doing all that again.  Things are and will be different; it’s one of life’s adjustments.

               In addition to saying good bye to coworkers, I lost my Aunt Audrey and my brother Dan; we laid their ashes to rest this month, my aunt with many of my cousins present, and my brother with just my remaining brothers and our children and spouses gathered at the grave.  I have yet to delete either one of them from my contact list on my iPhone.  I just can’t bring myself to do it.  It’s hard to say goodbye to people who are important in our lives, people we have spent our whole lives loving and knowing were there in the background most of the time, but still there. I have pictures and my memories of them, but if you’ve ever lost anyone you understand it’s just not the same as having them here on Earth somewhere.  I will miss having the possibility of seeing or speaking with my aunt ever again and sending her cards, I will forever miss my brother at the Thanksgiving table because we always were seated next to each other.  I miss his sense of humor and his intelligence, and reminiscing about our childhood with him.  He was a gentle soul.

               We all have dreams that we have to let go of, and ones that have to be altered.  My childhood dream was to be an artist.  I loved painting, drawing, working with clay and doing crafts, and thought I was going to go to art school when I grew up.  I remember one year for Christmas I got a table top easel, a huge set of watercolor paints and brushes, and watercolor paper.  I spent many hours painting landscapes and pictures of the sky.  I also had pastels and charcoal pencils and a sketch pad. I loved drawing horses, learning how from a book, and I used to look out my bedroom window at my little desk and sketched what I saw.  There was a little wooden shed across the street and I remember sketching that.  I wish I still had those pictures, but once I grew up, they were put aside and eventually discarded.  My dreams changed from being an artist to other pursuits such as getting married and starting a family.  I still sketch from time to time, and every once in a while go to a paint and sip event.  I still enjoy playing at being an artist; it keeps me in touch with that childhood dream.

               Life changes, and changes us in the process.  The things that happen around us help shape who we are, and to some extent how we are.  I think our memories and feelings of nostalgia enable us to remember how we were and how far we’ve come.  Saying “so long” to the past and reaching for the future moves us through our lives which always seems to me to be bittersweet.

Love Of Reading

 

    Here's an eclectic little collection of some of the books I have.  Three were written by my younger brother, a few are by people I count among my friends.  The small books were given to me either by my daughter or a friend who moved away several years ago, and of course there are a few Dr. Seuss just for fun!

               I know I’ve said it before, but I love reading.  The one good thing about the pandemic and staying home is that I have had lots of time for reading books!  Since the library reopened, I’ve been able to take out stacks of books to enjoy; before I got my new glasses I was taking out the large print editions because it was straining my eyes so much with the old prescription.  My new glasses mean I can read any size print without getting a headache or blurry vision from eye strain.  I don’t like audio books, I prefer to put my own spin on the words, hear the character’s voices in my head and not someone else’s interpretation.  I also prefer turning actual paper pages, so I’m not a fan of reading on a screen.  Although, when Hillary was hospitalized for a month last fall I read a lot on my phone.  You can’t really cart a bag of books around the hospital when you’re caring for a loved one who is quite ill and gets moved from one department to another with some frequency.  So reading on my phone was better than nothing while she was sleeping in between doctors and nurses trying to heal her.  I have some favorite authors who I go back to from time to time, sometimes rereading books because I enjoy them so much.  I also like to try new authors, and occasionally a new genre.  Sometimes I learn something new, or get a new perspective on things.

               Recently I read an older book about 500 years of American history.  It began with how people first appeared on the North American continent.  The most surprising thing I learned was that there was such a thing as giant beavers!  I never heard of them before, they roamed the continent from Florida to Alaska along with mastodons and sabre tooth tigers during the ice age.  They know this because of bones archeologists found.  I had no idea, and when I told my husband, he was not surprised and immediately found a picture of them online, as if it was something he looked up every day.  It seems as if they were about the size of one of our current black bears.  What I found frightening is imagining how large and sharp their teeth would be, and what large dams they would build.  Can you imagine the size of their flat, wide beaver tails?  Wow! The rest of the book didn’t offer much insight into anything else it discussed—the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, JFK’s assassination, the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, and the story of the Mayans among other mysteries of history.  It was interesting and nice to step away from my usual diet of murder mysteries. 

               Currently I’m reading a book that was my mother’s.  It’s “James Herriot’s Dog Stories”, a collection of his short stories having to do with dogs he encountered in his veterinary practice in Darrowby, England.  It’s a book I’ve read before, and it’s a comfortable positive group of stories that is perfect with my morning tea at the beginning of the day.  I’m also working my way through “The Pen Commandments” by Steven Frank, which is a guide for beginning writers but I’m using it as a nice way to review basic grammar and writing techniques.  It’s not as dry as a text book as he illustrates his points with stories from his classroom and students.  It’s good to pick up when I have a few minutes.  I have a book in my next to be read pile that I just bought, it’s a thriller by an author I am unfamiliar with—Paula McLain—and the title is “When the Stars Go Dark”. I can’t wait to have time to start it, maybe this afternoon.  I love the delicious anticipation of a new book to read!

               Reading has always been a pleasure for me, and a favorite way to spend some free time.  Losing myself in a book is also like a little vacation for my mind and a great way to step away from some of the everyday worries we all seem to have as our constant companions. With nice weather finally here, I can combine it with spending time outside—perfect!

        Some flowers I planted in pots, and my little collection of garden friends that I keep on the shelf on the deck rather than in a garden since we garden in pots because it's less work.  Yup, a little lazy here!  I like to relax on the deck with a book and a cool drink on hot summer afternoons.

May and Mom

 

         Here it is the middle of May already! This year the months seem to be flying by at breakneck speed.  This month is busier for me than I’ve been in a year.  We had Mother’s Day, we’ll end with Memorial Day, and in between I have 2 funerals to attend, (first for my aunt who passed earlier this year, and second for my brother who passed last June---dying in the pandemic doesn’t lend itself to gathering together in a timely manner to celebrate the life of a loved one), and my niece’s college graduation which will be live streamed so friends and family might watch.  So, there are a mix of good and sad events; a bittersweet month.  It is also the month my father passed 24 years ago, and my mother’s birthday. It is on my mother’s birthday that we will be celebrating the life of my aunt, her sister, who was the last of the 7 siblings to go.  I’d say, though, that overall the focus this month is on Mother’s Day.

         When I think of my mother I think of her shoes.  My mother always wore loafers for every day running around whether it was doing chores around the house or walking to the store for bread, milk, and the daily newspaper, or playing a game of softball with us kids.  For church and things such as PTA meetings she wore low dressy heels, and later when she returned to the work force she wore the heels as well.  She didn’t wear sneakers, as far as I can remember, until I had moved out and started building my adult life, when she took up walking for exercise.  When I see a pair of loafers it takes me back to my childhood, and one particular softball game.

         We lived across from the “new” elementary school which featured a large field in front with a crushed white stone path running down one side of it for all the kids in our end of the neighborhood to get to the school.  It is in this field, usually as the sun began to set in the summer, that we had our little family softball games. My 3 brothers, my mom and dad and I were all the players.  I remember it as being fun and laughing a lot.  This one particular time my mother was in the outfield and one of my brothers hit the ball into the air and it landed on my mother’s face, knocking the lens out of her glasses.  It must not have been hit very hard because I just remember my mother laughing, holding her hand over her eye and looking down saying that she lost her lens.  I’m sure that was the end of the game and we retired to the porch for glasses of her good homemade lemonade, (a pitcher of which was always in the refrigerator during the summer), after my father put the lens back in place.  We had so much fun together, and my mother wore her loafers through it all.

         I think that the greatest gift my parents gave me is the ability to laugh, and happy childhood memories. In May, and especially on Mother’s Day, I like to remember those good days.  Some of my favorite family pictures are ones in which my mother is laughing.  That’s how I remember her, always.  

This is my favorite photo of my family, taken the Easter before my first child was born, although it is absent my husband.  My sister-in-law is to the left of my mother, my 3 brothers and I on the right and my father in the chair. My brother who passed last year is the tall one on the right. I love this because we are all obviously laughing at something, probably a smart alecky comment one of us made.  My mother is full out laughing.

April Begins

 

Did you wear your Easter bonnet,

Did you find all the eggs,

Did you have a FaceTime visit,

Take a walk to stretch your legs,

Did you get to eat some candy,

Did you have a special feast,

Did you reflect on Easter’s meaning,

When the sun rose in the East?

I hope your day was blessed,    

With only pleasant things,

That stay with you for days,

No matter what they bring.

 

          This year April featured Easter in the first few days, and beautiful weather (aka no snow/sub-freezing temps), and the appearance of the first flowers in my yard which are crocus.  I planted crocus bulbs when we first moved into our house over 30 years ago, and every year 3 or 4 have come up.  They didn’t spread or multiply as some bulbs do, but neither did they die.  The first ones I noticed were the ones that I planted at the base of a long ago removed tree which is the rent location of a vegetable garden in summer, the next by a rock on a small bank in one back corner of our yard.  They tell me that Spring is finally here and I can look forward to more flowers and greenery in the coming weeks.

          It seems that more and more I am nostalgic about the past when holidays come around, and this year is no exception.  If anything I’m feeling it even more now than in the past.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been cooped up so long during the pandemic and keeping my self physically distanced, (I like that better than saying socially distanced), from everyone for safety and have had time to reminisce about the holidays in past years.  There were the Easters of my childhood when Mom made me a new dress every year.  One dress I specifically remember is one she made when I was perhaps 8 years old.  It was a simple bright pink A-line with long sleeves with white cuffs and a white peter pan collar, and a matching floppy brimmed hat.  I don’t remember the day, but I sure remember that dress because I loved it.  Probably the morning was spent at church, (after we got to taste a little of our candy from our baskets the Easter Bunny brought), then a quick stop at home for perhaps a sandwich before we packed up and drove an hour to my grandparent’s house for Easter dinner.  I always think of Easter as being warm and sunny, but there were some that were snowy and some rainy, and some quite cold since Easter Sunday can be as early as mid-March and as late as the end of April.  Still, when I think of that holiday I smell ham baking for long hours, lilies and hyacinth, and see crocus, tulips and daffodils in my mind.  I think of family and laughter, church friends, and new white shoes; and candy, of course!

          Once we started our own family, my husband and I put together baskets for the girls, and if there was a note left for the Easter Bunny it was answered and left in the basket with treats.  In the beginning we either all went to my parents’ house, or after my younger brother married we went to his place, and then eventually I began hosting the dinner.  When the girls were little we went shopping for new dresses every year, sometimes with matching hats and gloves, and always new white shoes.  Once middle school years hit, the new outfits gave way to a new shirt to go with jeans or a casual skirt and sandals.  Things are much more relaxed now when for me, Easter shopping is for groceries for the holiday dinner.  I kind of miss shopping for the pretty new outfits, but do enjoy the less stressful aspect of a more casual time.

          As April begins this year I find myself looking through old photo albums and boxes of pictures, remembering how we all were, and the things we did, and people we knew.  Shots taken at parties and family reunions, vacations, and just random days that someone took out a camera and snapped casual pictures become priceless possessions. Of courses, it’s better if someone has taken the time to write on the back of them the names of people in them, the date and occasion, but it can also be half the fun trying to guess.  It’s a bittersweet way to spend some time, and good for a laugh or two, especially when shared with someone you love.

Friday

 

Friday, being the last day of the work/school week is looked forward to by many of us. It’s a night to meet up with friends for a drink or dinner, pizza and a movie with family, or just a chance to kick off your shoes, put your feet up and try to forget about those work week woes. It's an evening to plan out the weekend, maybe stay up a little later than normal and just decompress a bit.  I’ve always worked toward Friday because it promises something better and a relief from workaday tasks, and a break from an annoying coworker or overbearing boss. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel.

               When I was growing up Friday night was the night my parents were more relaxed, every other week my Aunt Doris took the train from the city to come and stay with us for the weekend, and we got to stay up a little bit later.  Homework could be put off for a day or two so right after school we could play outside or go to a friend’s house for a few hours before dinner.  When I was in middle school, there might be a Friday night dance to go to, or movies with friends. In high school, there might be a game to go to, or band practice for the big game on Saturday afternoon. Many times in school Friday afternoon was when a teacher might show a film or have us playing a game in class.  I think the teachers looked forward to an afternoon that was a little different, a little easier on everyone.  It always seemed a little mean when a teacher scheduled a test or quiz for after lunch on the last day of the week.  Even when I worked weekends I looked forward to the last day of the week because the next two days were still different, they had a different feel to them and I had different coworkers and the customers were much happier.  It was especially true when working the overnight shift because much of the clientele were stopping in on the way home from bars or parties.  I don’t miss working weekends, but it was fun time of life and I have many fond memories of that time period.  My last job was still fun, but it was strictly Monday to Friday during the day since it was in a school.  I had really good coworkers and we were a good team. It seemed unfair when at work a boss had everyone doing extra tasks right up until it was time to clock out, or we had visit from the “higher ups” on a Friday.  We gave our all every single day and then -wham!- here’s some extra things to do before you leave today, or some extra stress to deal with.  I don’t miss that about work while I’m sidelined by the pandemic!  Now I look forward to Fridays because my husband will be home with us all day for 2 days and Hillary and I will be a less lonely; because, as I think I have said before, it is lonely staying home and away from other people.  Virtual visits just don’t cut it for us, we need to see people in the flesh and I know we are not the only ones.  So Friday is a day we look forward to for sure!

So here it is Friday afternoon and I am anticipating a nice weekend spent it the company of my husband and my daughters.  Already I feel that Friday vibe, I hope you do too.  

Hope Is The Thing

 

It’s been a year since everything locked down due to the pandemic. How funny it seems now that we thought it was going to be a two week lockdown to control the spread of COVID 19, after which we would go back to life as we knew it.  It’s been a rough, soul sucking 12 months, and it isn’t over yet. Yes, things are starting to reopen; some too fast, some seemingly not fast enough. Recently my husband and I went to dinner at a restaurant, a year almost to the day since the last time we did so before the big shut down.  It was quite a treat, but also strange.  Servers in masks, and patrons unmasked only long enough to eat with lots of space in between tables felt odd.  Since we are all vaccinated in our house, we felt that it was a minimal risk to spend time on a Saturday afternoon lingering over a meal we didn’t have to prepare nor clean up.  It was our first step toward a return to something close to life as we knew it.  As we wait for things to “normalize” we can take small steps such as a dinner out and ease back into being less isolated from others; it gives me hope.

Spring is on the way after a cold, snowy winter which had us hibernating here.  The tall snow piles are nearly gone, and much of our yard is mushy but free of snow.  The tops of the trees, closest to the sun are starting to look a bit reddish which tells me that the stronger March sun is coaxing forth buds in spite of the cold temperatures.  I look forward to the buds bursting and leaves unfolding to color the landscape with varying shades of green.  Soon crocus, daffodils, and tulips will sprout and bloom and forsythia will splash sunny yellow around the yards in my neighborhood for a few weeks before turning green.  We’ve already seen our first robin, but I have yet to hear the geese honking as they stop by our lake on their migration trip north—any day now they will appear.  It is another hopeful sign when the seasons begin to change that life goes on as it always does, turning page after page until the story of the year is complete.  The details of what happens vary year to year, but the framework remains in place—seasons come and go in a certain unchanging order we can rely on.  The moon waxes and wanes, the sun rises and sets, plants grow and die or lay dormant and it all begins again in its own time. Nature is reliable that way, thus there is always life and therefore, hope.

Things will get better, we will be able to enjoy the company of others, and feel as if we are living our “normal” lives.  There is comfort in that.

This is what hangs above my kitchen sink.

Never Ending Winter

 

               

This winter season feels as if it will never end. I know many people feel the same way. We’ve been dealing with this pandemic for a year now, and it’s been almost a year since I went to work.  One year ago today I was out to lunch with a group of childhood friends and when we were saying our goodbyes we vowed to get together once a month.  It hasn’t happened due to the COVID related restrictions.  Maybe in a few months we can do it again, but it remains to be seen how comfortable everyone is with getting together.  I think that it’s going to take some time before I’m able to put potential health risks aside and enjoy a gathering of people I don’t live with. I’m hoping for some type of family gathering for Easter, but it remains to be seen if all parties involved will be up for it.  It’s been months since I have seen anyone besides supermarket and pharmacy workers or medical professionals in person. It’s been longer than that since I’ve seen someone’s entire face.

               The snow storms have come nearly one every few days and a couple of them lasted two or three days.  The roads around here have been narrowed by snowbanks and driving through an intersection became a test of faith weeks ago. The weariness of snow clearing is showing in how early we fall asleep and how achy our bodies are.  It’s tough clearing the cobwebs out of my head in the morning when all is gray and dark.  I find myself turning on as many lights as possible in the house during the day just to feel awake.  We did have a couple of days featuring sunshine and temperatures in the low 40’s which helped whittle away some of the collected snow before the next storm blew in and dumped copious amounts of the frozen white stuff on us.  It felt good on those more temperate days to go outside and walk in the driveway in the sun for a few minutes.  The one good thing is that as we head toward the end of winter, even if the air remains cold the sun gets a little stronger every day.  I find that standing in the warm sun gives me hope that soon we will be able once again to spend some time outdoors without bundling up and shivering.

               As I hibernate here in my house during this long, lonely winter I spend my time (in between caring for my daughter) alternately reading and watching crime dramas. Shoveling snow actually began to feel good while I was doing it because it was something different and got me outside for a little while.  I will be very glad when at last the snow melts and I can carry a chair to the patio to enjoy an afternoon outside reading or visiting with friends and family, and listening to music.  Come on spring!

A Storm's A-comin'!

 

               For days the weather people have been predicting a storm for our area.  They are quite dramatic about it all, starting with about a week out hinting that there could be some activity in about a week.  As the days go by they tantalize viewers with all the possibilities shown by the various computer models they use.  About three days out they start warning of “significant” snow fall and “plowable” totals, but show the highest amounts in an area that typically doesn’t see that much accumulation. As we get closer to the actual formation of the storm they start moving the highest totals away from their first favored area until at last, hours before the storm is to hit they inform us that the typically hardest hit areas are once again to expect the highest amounts of precipitation. Then, just to keep the drama going, they raise the amounts every couple of hours.  They are excited!  The news teams start going out to do reports on how well the road crews are prepared to keep the roads safe and clear while urging people to stay home once the flakes start to fall.  Mayors hold news conferences to inform the fair citizens of their town or city of the upcoming storm, preparations, emergency plans, and to urge everyone to stay off the roads.  With the explosion of social media platforms even mayors of small towns can send out a video or live stream to the townsfolk to keep them up to date. 

It seems a crazy thing when I think back to when I was a kid (at the risk of sounding like an old lady) and we looked out the window to see what was happening, and listened to our local radio station to find out if school was closed. That was it, all the warning we had.  I don’t recall anyone running out to the store before a storm to “stock up” on anything since we usually had whatever we needed already on hand.  There was food in the house, and we had snow shovels and rock salt to melt any icy areas already.  A snow storm was an event, but not as dramatically so as it is now.  We went outside to play in the snow; snowman and fort building, sledding, snow ball fights, snow angels, tramping paths through deep snow and chasing each other through them were all the fun we needed.  We even used to get cereal bowls, fill them with snow and go back in the house to top it with sugar and food dye to make snow ice cream.  It was fun!  That is how I remember snow storms, just fun with no big build up or stress.  It was just something that happened in the winter.  When the storm was over we measured it to see how much there was, put on boots, coats, hats and gloves and got on with life.

Our storm started this afternoon, ahead of schedule, and it looks to be settling in for a relatively long time, a couple of days’ worth of snow according to the reports.  Medical offices have cancelled all appointments, town halls and libraries are closed, schools are closed and are planning for remote learning only for the day after snowmageden.  Before the pandemic and schools even having remote learning, the day after would have been a delayed opening to give road crews, buildings and grounds for the schools, teachers and support personnel time to get their cars cleared to go to work. I guess having the remote option eases some of the stress of trying to dig out of deep snow early in the day, so that’s a plus. We will very likely end up watching tv coverage of the storm where they will interview plow drivers, people out on the road and at stores “stocking up to hunker down”, and as things progress they will live stream driving around in their news vans to demonstrate in real time how dangerous driving is in these conditions.  There will be the obligatory snow pictures on social media as we remind ourselves and each other that although big storms are inconvenient and can be dangerous, there is still beauty to the falling snow.

Reaching Out

 

               Reaching out to someone can be hard.  Whether you’re reaching out to help, or for help, it isn’t always easy. What if we are rejected? Doubts spring out of nowhere, causing us to second guess ourselves.  When you’re reaching out to help someone, especially if they haven’t asked for it, sometimes we’re afraid the other person will be offended somehow, as if we don’t think they can handle whatever is happening in their world.  That shouldn’t stop us.  It’s tough to be rejected, but sometimes there may be an initial rejection followed by eventual acceptance of the offer.  People want to know that someone cares even if they don’t want help; they just need to know that someone noticed their struggle and is willing to help.  It’s a bit like being in a room with a blocked door but knowing that you could go out through the window if necessary instead of having no way out at all.  There are times when just knowing you have the option of assistance is enough to get through a rough patch.

               Reaching out for help is even harder sometimes.  You might feel inadequate, like a failure because you can’t help yourself.  The old adage, “God helps those who help themselves” comes to mind, as well as constantly seeing those who don’t ask for or accept help shown as heroic.  That’s great, if they have found a way to get through challenges without any assistance from others, but it doesn’t mean that asking for or accepting offered help makes someone weak or a coward.  Not everyone is wired to get through challenges alone; I think most of us are not.  It’s a hard lesson to learn, asking for and accepting help, but once you realize that people don’t help you for the most part because they feel obligated, although there is some of that in the world, most of the time people want to help because it makes them feel connected a greater good.  We surely do need more connection to a greater good in the world.  It is not a failure or cowardly to reach out for help.  It is an act of courage to say, “I need help with this, can you help me?”  You might be surprised at how eager people can be to help you. There will be those who won’t or can’t help, but if you don’t ask you could be missing out on the best help for you.

               I have always been independent minded, it’s the way I was raised.  I’ve been known to get angry when someone tried to help me, as if I didn’t deserve kindness, or I was somehow a lesser person because it appeared I couldn’t manage things alone.  I came to realize that feeling overwhelmed is not a good feeling, and accepting assistance so that life is more manageable is better.  Whether it’s at work, or at home, or wherever and whatever the situation is, it feels better to accept or ask for help.  Sometimes people can’t help me, and while it’s annoying (probably need to work on that some), it doesn’t hurt to ask.  Generally even if the thing I most want done isn’t possible, someone is able to aid in another way that makes it easier to move through a challenge.  Helping each other is one of the best ways to feel connected to a greater good, and that’s never a bad thing.

Old Year, New Year

 

 

 

 This perplexing year is winding down

 

Our heads have not stopped shaking

 

As if we're experiencing a wild dream

 

From which we're having trouble waking.

 

—from 2016–I still feel the same!

 

Farewell 2020

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

This year we learned 

To wash our hands,

And value toilet paper,

We sported masks,

Wore pants less,

And kept our distance proper.

Docs and nurses became heroes,

Teachers taught from home,

Kids and parents did their best,

While unable to freely roam.

Technology use increased,

As we tried to stay in touch,

With those that we were missing,

Slouching pant-less on the couch.

Many people lost their jobs,

Many lost their health or life,

Others lent a helping hand,

To those living with great strife.

Through it all, this crazy year,

The year called 2020,

We looked for good,

We hoped and prayed,

For the world and our country.

 

There is no denying that 2020 was a year unlike any that I can recall.  So very many things, big things happened, and it was hard to keep up with what was going on.  I think for me I will most remember what was taken away.  It was the year that my job as lunch lady ended with the closing of schools for an extended period of time.  As of this date, January 1, 2021, the buildings are still closed.  With the disappearance of my job came the emptiness of no daily contact with friends and coworkers, and interactions with acquaintances and students. People are what I miss the most, I think.  Hillary also lost daily interaction with her friends and carers at her day program; I also lost the little bit of respite from her care that I had.  Of course, I also lost my income, but since my husband is considered an essential worker, he has continued to work throughout the pandemic and we only needed to make a few adjustments to keep us afloat.  We are incredibly lucky in that.  I also lost my freedom to go out and about with Hillary to stores, parks, and malls since she is medically fragile and I can’t take a chance on her contracting the virus.  Even wearing masks is not enough protection for her since it’s tough keeping it on her for any length of time.  My husband and I lost date nights, and any parties we might usually attend.  I miss sitting across from him in a booth at our favorite local restaurant perusing the menu, stirring our coffee, and making small talk.  Sure, we can do that at home but it’s not the same.  We lost our vacation to visit family that we usually take, and holiday get togethers except for the summer ones with local family because those we had outside. Thanksgiving and Christmas felt empty and weird.

Another huge loss of 2020 was the death of one of my brothers to a sudden heart attack.  It was a shock; it still doesn’t feel real even though I know it is.  We weren’t able to gather for a funeral, it doesn’t seem right, and there again is something that this virus took away.  It was strange not buying him a birthday card or Christmas gift.

My older daughter moved out of our house into her own apartment and while I am so happy for her, it feels strange still, all these months later, sitting on the couch in the evening without her.  It’s a strange quiet that I’m still getting used to.

I think that many people felt much loss in this year that just ended, loss that we will all continue to come to terms with for a long time. My wish for 2021, among others, is that we will all learn make peace with what our lives are like, and how they changed from what we knew before the pandemic hit.

Cookie Magic

Recently I spent a Sunday afternoon baking for Christmas. I look forward every year to baking a few different types of cookies and a fruitcake or two to help make the holiday season special. The recipes I use are mostly handed down through family, some from my side, and some from my husband’s. Sure, I could make them any time of the year, but by keeping them for this time of the year makes them more of a treat. I love cookies, and I am not alone. It seems that everyone brightens up when there are homemade cookies around. I know that if someone surprises me with some I am a happy camper! As much as I love being gifted with cookies, I love giving them to others. It seems like even just a picture of cookies causes a positive reaction, judging by the responses to pictures of the cookies I baked that I posted on social media. It made me wonder, what is it about just the mention of them that causes a bit of happiness? I can only speak from my own experience here, as I am not any kind of psychoanalyst or therapist, but I think those little tasty morsels feel like love. I feel cozy inside, like when I was a child and walking in the door after school to the scent of chocolate chip or sugar cookies baking. What’s more comforting than a plate of cookies and a glass of ice cold milk or a steaming cup of hot cocoa when you’re feeling depleted in the afternoon? Of course now that I’m an adult I’m more likely to have a cup of tea or coffee at hand with my discs of deliciousness. If I kept all the cookies I baked I would be in trouble with the doctor, not to mention the clothes in my closet! So I like to share them. This year, of course, I can’t take some into work as I normally would because I’ve not worked since everything shut down around here in March. So I decided that I will share them some other way. I can surprise the neighbors, send some into work with my husband, take some to my daughter, and give her some for her coworkers. Spread the love around, that’s what I say. How about those folks that you used to be friends with but simply grew apart from so that you only exchange a word here or there or holiday cards? Wouldn’t they be pleasantly surprised with a gift of your homemade cookies? How about your doctor’s office, your town police, librarians, or even the post office? Wouldn’t the workers enjoy a little unexpected thoughtfulness? Have you had a falling out over politics with someone you used to enjoy being with? Maybe the gift of some freshly baked morsels would help you both remember that you actually do like each other and perhaps put aside the things that separate you and find things you have in common again—like gingersnaps or brownies. You never know until you try. I know that cookies aren’t going to bring about world peace, or solve all the many problems in the world, but gee, it’s nice to think that you could have a few moments of calm, and share the feeling with just the right blend of flour, sugar, and butter. I wish for you this Christmas season cookies; whether you make them or you are given them, they can bring you some momentary joy.

Thanksgiving 2020

 Thanksgiving may be different,

For many this year, sad,

We miss the ones not with us,

But for those still here we’re glad,

We may not be together 

As we have been in the past,

We’ll help each other through this,

Until we can be together at last.

There’s no denying that this year everything is different, and usually not in a way we ever thought things would be. While it was disappointing to be planning a small feast instead of the bigger one we usually have, there were still bright spots to the day.

To start with, the food was delicious and the scent of roasting turkey filled the air while we watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Although I feel that the broadcasters and performers had a slight air of desperate happiness about them, they did a good job making it seem like the extravaganza it usually is. It must have felt really strange to have silent, empty streets where there are usually noisy crowds cheering and clapping as they proceeded down the route. Also strange feeling was the lack of marching bands one would typically have in the parade. All in all, they did a good job of keeping up a much loved tradition in an untraditional year.

Our food was delicious and we ate our fill. There’s plenty of leftovers for future meals which is nice as it will give me a break from cooking for a few days. After we ate and rested a bit, my older daughter and I headed outside to put up the Christmas decorations. It was quite balmy out, so no need for coats and no frozen fingers fumbling with the lights. While we were outside the adorable little family that lives on one side of us came over to give us some of the most beautiful and delicious cake pops that they made. It was a nice surprise and very much appreciated. They were also hanging Christmas lights this afternoon. The house across the street put theirs up a week ago, and an extended family member who was visiting them today told us our lights look nice. I am so thankful to have nice neighbors!

We ended our day with coffee and desserts, and watching Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune together. There was, of course, all day texting going on with various family members and friends. Even though we couldn’t all be together, we were able to share parts of our day with each other. 

Next year we should be able to be together for Thanksgiving. This year we made the best of it, and it was still a nice day.

November Gift

 

Typically around here November is cool, most days in the lower 50’s or upper 40’s.  But we recently had about a week of the most beautiful weather—deep blue, cloudless skies and temperatures in the low to mid 70’s and no humidity.  It was such a gift, especially since I missed most of the gorgeous October weather we had due to the hospital adventure.  I took full advantage and spent time outside as much as possible, opened the windows in my house, fired up the grill and had a return to summer, (except for the very early time the sunsets now).  It was wonderful but it’s over.  We just had a few days of dreary, rainy, cooler weather to remind us that winter is on the way.  So, too, are the big holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve.

The holidays are going to be quite different this year, given the resurgence of the virus.  It would be a sad time anyhow, since it’s the first holiday season without my brother Dan.  Now it really won’t even feel like a holiday, something that has happened all this year since the pandemic hit.  At least in the summer we were able to be together outside with people we know and love.  It’s just how it has to be this year, and hopefully next year there will be a vaccine and some immunity so we’ll be able once again to gather together to feast and reminisce, laugh and tell stories from our family’s past.  I will still make the traditional feast for my husband, daughters, and myself but will make smaller amounts.  I’ll pull out the china and wine glasses, and we’ll be thankful that we at least are together.  Maybe we’ll call or facetime with the family that we’ll be missing.  It will feel strange, but it will still be good.

I hope that you all are going to have a good holiday season, and make the best of whatever your circumstances are at present. 

Home and November

Home. Home sweet home!  I didn't realize how much I loved being home until I wasn't able to be for a month.  That's how long I spent in the hospital with Hillary recently.  Getting coffee from the machine on the hospital unit she was in, or when their wasn't any, running down to the hospital cafeteria to grab a quick breakfast before any of the many doctors made their rounds was not the best way to start the day,  This picture is of the first breakfast I had at home in a month, and I ate it in my robe at my leisure and even had a second and third cup of coffee just because I could and without interruption.  It's true that we really do miss the little things and that there truly is no place like home, as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz movie.                                                                                                                                                   

The ghosts and goblins have come and gone                                                                                              

A new month starts with the dawn

This is the month we most give thanks

For veterans, voting, and (fill in the blanks),

Please don't rush through this month November,

Take your time so you can remember,

Everyone you are most thankful for,

Feeling thankful for them is not a chore.                                                                                                                    And now we are in November.  The voting has been done but the counting of ballots is still going on.  The  pandemic still rages across our country, as does controversy, mean spirited debate between ordinary citizens, and politicians acting like children who only want their way no matter what.  It is disheartening, and depressing.  So to combat all of that, I am trying to think of and look for the good, the positive, and uplifting, as well as losing myself in books and reruns of crime dramas just because I want to.  Right now the weather here is beautiful and sunny, and unseasonably warm.  We are trying to spend time outside while we can without freezing our noses off, because I know that one day soon we'll be shivering and hiding inside under blankets watching clouds roll in filled with either cold rain or snow, or worse yet, sleet and freezing rain.  Those are dark days to which I don't look forward,  For now I won't think about them and will just enjoy the beautiful weather, and write my little poems and things when I get the chance.  I intend to also be mindful of all that I have to be thankful for, such as Hillary's recovery, nice weather when we get it, road crews who treat the bad roads when the weather gets icy, the sound of my wind chimes ringing in the breeze, ingredients to make food for us to eat, and friends who check in, as well as family who are dear to me.  These are strange times we live in, and it's not easy to keep things upbeat. We try, and keep moving forward trying our best not to get discouraged.