Old Year, New Year

 

 

 

 This perplexing year is winding down

 

Our heads have not stopped shaking

 

As if we're experiencing a wild dream

 

From which we're having trouble waking.

 

—from 2016–I still feel the same!

 

Farewell 2020

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

This year we learned 

To wash our hands,

And value toilet paper,

We sported masks,

Wore pants less,

And kept our distance proper.

Docs and nurses became heroes,

Teachers taught from home,

Kids and parents did their best,

While unable to freely roam.

Technology use increased,

As we tried to stay in touch,

With those that we were missing,

Slouching pant-less on the couch.

Many people lost their jobs,

Many lost their health or life,

Others lent a helping hand,

To those living with great strife.

Through it all, this crazy year,

The year called 2020,

We looked for good,

We hoped and prayed,

For the world and our country.

 

There is no denying that 2020 was a year unlike any that I can recall.  So very many things, big things happened, and it was hard to keep up with what was going on.  I think for me I will most remember what was taken away.  It was the year that my job as lunch lady ended with the closing of schools for an extended period of time.  As of this date, January 1, 2021, the buildings are still closed.  With the disappearance of my job came the emptiness of no daily contact with friends and coworkers, and interactions with acquaintances and students. People are what I miss the most, I think.  Hillary also lost daily interaction with her friends and carers at her day program; I also lost the little bit of respite from her care that I had.  Of course, I also lost my income, but since my husband is considered an essential worker, he has continued to work throughout the pandemic and we only needed to make a few adjustments to keep us afloat.  We are incredibly lucky in that.  I also lost my freedom to go out and about with Hillary to stores, parks, and malls since she is medically fragile and I can’t take a chance on her contracting the virus.  Even wearing masks is not enough protection for her since it’s tough keeping it on her for any length of time.  My husband and I lost date nights, and any parties we might usually attend.  I miss sitting across from him in a booth at our favorite local restaurant perusing the menu, stirring our coffee, and making small talk.  Sure, we can do that at home but it’s not the same.  We lost our vacation to visit family that we usually take, and holiday get togethers except for the summer ones with local family because those we had outside. Thanksgiving and Christmas felt empty and weird.

Another huge loss of 2020 was the death of one of my brothers to a sudden heart attack.  It was a shock; it still doesn’t feel real even though I know it is.  We weren’t able to gather for a funeral, it doesn’t seem right, and there again is something that this virus took away.  It was strange not buying him a birthday card or Christmas gift.

My older daughter moved out of our house into her own apartment and while I am so happy for her, it feels strange still, all these months later, sitting on the couch in the evening without her.  It’s a strange quiet that I’m still getting used to.

I think that many people felt much loss in this year that just ended, loss that we will all continue to come to terms with for a long time. My wish for 2021, among others, is that we will all learn make peace with what our lives are like, and how they changed from what we knew before the pandemic hit.

Joy In 2020

Christmas is coming In less than a week,

 We’re hoping to find

 The joy that we seek,

 It’s not in the lights

 Or ribbons and bows,

 Nor is it found with

 A reindeer’s red nose,

 The Grinch found the answer,

 Guess he’s pretty smart,

 We must find that joy,

 In each other’s heart.

 As Christmas rushes at us this year, I’m having difficulty finding joy in anything. I’m feeling like the Grinch. It’s been a rough one, this year; it’s been a year of loss in many ways both personally and collectively for us all. We lost our ability to connect with each other on a daily basis and, trapped each in their own little world it became harder to see and understand what is happening with friends, family and strangers. Technology can help us keep in touch, but there are so many nuances lost by being separated as we have been and still are. While there is hope that we can begin to come together in person in the coming months, it is not something we can safely do right now.

 I guess I didn’t realize how much I depended on the day to day interactions I used to have with people. The quick kibitzing at work with my coworkers and customers, encounters with my fellow shoppers at the supermarket, and getting together with friends at a restaurant or coffee shop are all things that I am missing. Zooming and texting are good ways to keep in touch, but you can’t always pick up on a mood when communicating electronically. The anonymity of wearing a mask whenever in public is disconcerting. With only the eyes showing, it’s hard to tell if someone is smiling, relaxed, frowning, or tense when you’re out at the supermarket for instance. Our voices are muffled behind the masks and that makes it harder to pick up on how someone is doing as some inflection is lost in the mouth covering. It feels lonely to me, even when I’m out at the store. We are standing apart when in line, trying to avoid each other in the aisles and the parking lot, and there’s a barrier between us and the cashier. It’s an isolating experience.

 So how can we find the joy of the season in each other’s hearts this year? We can keep trying to connect, and learn how to read the nuances of someone wearing a face covering, talking on a delay in a zoom meeting, or including emojis in text messages. We’re all humans and we are adaptable, we are determined to find a way to connect with others no matter what. So we wave to each other from a distance, we share memes and jokes over texts; we tell each other the news of our lives and share our thoughts. We find things in common to connect through times when we cannot be in each other’s physical company.

 This whole year has been different and challenging, we shouldn’t really expect the Christmas season to be any easier. We can, however learn a new way to spread our joy and love for each other. Reaching out in different ways bridges the gap until it is safe, once again, to hug, shake hands, sit elbow to elbow around a table, and walk arm in arm. I wish for you joy this Christmas, and for you to find a way to share it with others. Sharing multiplies it, makes it bigger, just as the Grinch’s heart grew 3 sizes when he realized the meaning of Christmas.

Thanksgiving 2020

 Thanksgiving may be different,

For many this year, sad,

We miss the ones not with us,

But for those still here we’re glad,

We may not be together 

As we have been in the past,

We’ll help each other through this,

Until we can be together at last.

There’s no denying that this year everything is different, and usually not in a way we ever thought things would be. While it was disappointing to be planning a small feast instead of the bigger one we usually have, there were still bright spots to the day.

To start with, the food was delicious and the scent of roasting turkey filled the air while we watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Although I feel that the broadcasters and performers had a slight air of desperate happiness about them, they did a good job making it seem like the extravaganza it usually is. It must have felt really strange to have silent, empty streets where there are usually noisy crowds cheering and clapping as they proceeded down the route. Also strange feeling was the lack of marching bands one would typically have in the parade. All in all, they did a good job of keeping up a much loved tradition in an untraditional year.

Our food was delicious and we ate our fill. There’s plenty of leftovers for future meals which is nice as it will give me a break from cooking for a few days. After we ate and rested a bit, my older daughter and I headed outside to put up the Christmas decorations. It was quite balmy out, so no need for coats and no frozen fingers fumbling with the lights. While we were outside the adorable little family that lives on one side of us came over to give us some of the most beautiful and delicious cake pops that they made. It was a nice surprise and very much appreciated. They were also hanging Christmas lights this afternoon. The house across the street put theirs up a week ago, and an extended family member who was visiting them today told us our lights look nice. I am so thankful to have nice neighbors!

We ended our day with coffee and desserts, and watching Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune together. There was, of course, all day texting going on with various family members and friends. Even though we couldn’t all be together, we were able to share parts of our day with each other. 

Next year we should be able to be together for Thanksgiving. This year we made the best of it, and it was still a nice day.