Everyday Things

 

               There’s no denying that big moments are not what make up most of our lives.  Our lives are a string of everyday things; making coffee, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning the floors, and preparing meals.  Add in interactions with family, friends, and strangers and there you have your average life.  Now and then there are big moments; awards, weddings, christenings, funerals, moving, and milestones such as graduating. The fabric of our lives is made up of many threads.

               It’s the mundane things that give us some security and comfort.  While folding laundry is not one of my favorite activities, it reminds me that I am blessed indeed to have clothing and the means to keep it clean and stored so it’s ready to be worn.  Apparently I need that reminder often since it seems that there is at least one load waiting to be dealt with on a daily basis!  The scent of the detergent, and the unique way a freshly dried pile of clothing smells speak of home and safety.  When my girls were babies I hung the laundry on a clothesline to dry in order to save on our utility bills, but as they grew and my attentions were drawn elsewhere, those golden days of little shirts and bedsheets flapping in the sun gave way to rushing from activity to activity and the whirring of the washer and dryer in the evening after everyone was clean, fed and settled in for the night.  There were times that a mountain of laundry awaited me Sunday afternoon wedged in between meals and family time. Now I am back to the task being almost a daily requirement and I’m not sure if it was better to leave all for one day or to spread it out this way.  Probably it doesn’t matter much, as long as it gets done.  I take solace in the knowledge that I’m not the only one who is frequently reminded of this blessing.

               Planning and preparing meals then cleaning up the kitchen and dishes is another ordinary task that most everyone does.  It starts with brewing coffee or tea in the morning, and is there any more welcome aroma and sound than the tea kettle whistling or the coffee maker gurgling while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and getting your body stretched and ready to meet the day? Even if you’re guzzling that brew or pouring it into your travel mug as you run out the door, it is a small pleasure we look forward to upon awakening.  Routinely making a lunch to take along or putting together a sandwich at noon when you’re home, and then cooking dinner at the end of the day lends us a sense of normalcy in what is sometimes a chaotic time of our lives.  Seeing our kitchen cleaned up as we sip something warm and comforting in the evening gives a sense that we made it through the day and can rest knowing that we’re ready for tomorrow.

               Daily tasks give us a base to return to when work and other events threaten to unbalance us.  Although they may feel boring or annoying at times, they are useful for keeping ourselves on track to be the best that we can be.  If we can feel content that whatever else life throws at us there’s always going to be humdrum tasks to help us move along, then we can handle most anything.

Reaching Out

 

               Reaching out to someone can be hard.  Whether you’re reaching out to help, or for help, it isn’t always easy. What if we are rejected? Doubts spring out of nowhere, causing us to second guess ourselves.  When you’re reaching out to help someone, especially if they haven’t asked for it, sometimes we’re afraid the other person will be offended somehow, as if we don’t think they can handle whatever is happening in their world.  That shouldn’t stop us.  It’s tough to be rejected, but sometimes there may be an initial rejection followed by eventual acceptance of the offer.  People want to know that someone cares even if they don’t want help; they just need to know that someone noticed their struggle and is willing to help.  It’s a bit like being in a room with a blocked door but knowing that you could go out through the window if necessary instead of having no way out at all.  There are times when just knowing you have the option of assistance is enough to get through a rough patch.

               Reaching out for help is even harder sometimes.  You might feel inadequate, like a failure because you can’t help yourself.  The old adage, “God helps those who help themselves” comes to mind, as well as constantly seeing those who don’t ask for or accept help shown as heroic.  That’s great, if they have found a way to get through challenges without any assistance from others, but it doesn’t mean that asking for or accepting offered help makes someone weak or a coward.  Not everyone is wired to get through challenges alone; I think most of us are not.  It’s a hard lesson to learn, asking for and accepting help, but once you realize that people don’t help you for the most part because they feel obligated, although there is some of that in the world, most of the time people want to help because it makes them feel connected a greater good.  We surely do need more connection to a greater good in the world.  It is not a failure or cowardly to reach out for help.  It is an act of courage to say, “I need help with this, can you help me?”  You might be surprised at how eager people can be to help you. There will be those who won’t or can’t help, but if you don’t ask you could be missing out on the best help for you.

               I have always been independent minded, it’s the way I was raised.  I’ve been known to get angry when someone tried to help me, as if I didn’t deserve kindness, or I was somehow a lesser person because it appeared I couldn’t manage things alone.  I came to realize that feeling overwhelmed is not a good feeling, and accepting assistance so that life is more manageable is better.  Whether it’s at work, or at home, or wherever and whatever the situation is, it feels better to accept or ask for help.  Sometimes people can’t help me, and while it’s annoying (probably need to work on that some), it doesn’t hurt to ask.  Generally even if the thing I most want done isn’t possible, someone is able to aid in another way that makes it easier to move through a challenge.  Helping each other is one of the best ways to feel connected to a greater good, and that’s never a bad thing.

Old Year, New Year

 

 

 

 This perplexing year is winding down

 

Our heads have not stopped shaking

 

As if we're experiencing a wild dream

 

From which we're having trouble waking.

 

—from 2016–I still feel the same!

 

Farewell 2020

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

This year we learned 

To wash our hands,

And value toilet paper,

We sported masks,

Wore pants less,

And kept our distance proper.

Docs and nurses became heroes,

Teachers taught from home,

Kids and parents did their best,

While unable to freely roam.

Technology use increased,

As we tried to stay in touch,

With those that we were missing,

Slouching pant-less on the couch.

Many people lost their jobs,

Many lost their health or life,

Others lent a helping hand,

To those living with great strife.

Through it all, this crazy year,

The year called 2020,

We looked for good,

We hoped and prayed,

For the world and our country.

 

There is no denying that 2020 was a year unlike any that I can recall.  So very many things, big things happened, and it was hard to keep up with what was going on.  I think for me I will most remember what was taken away.  It was the year that my job as lunch lady ended with the closing of schools for an extended period of time.  As of this date, January 1, 2021, the buildings are still closed.  With the disappearance of my job came the emptiness of no daily contact with friends and coworkers, and interactions with acquaintances and students. People are what I miss the most, I think.  Hillary also lost daily interaction with her friends and carers at her day program; I also lost the little bit of respite from her care that I had.  Of course, I also lost my income, but since my husband is considered an essential worker, he has continued to work throughout the pandemic and we only needed to make a few adjustments to keep us afloat.  We are incredibly lucky in that.  I also lost my freedom to go out and about with Hillary to stores, parks, and malls since she is medically fragile and I can’t take a chance on her contracting the virus.  Even wearing masks is not enough protection for her since it’s tough keeping it on her for any length of time.  My husband and I lost date nights, and any parties we might usually attend.  I miss sitting across from him in a booth at our favorite local restaurant perusing the menu, stirring our coffee, and making small talk.  Sure, we can do that at home but it’s not the same.  We lost our vacation to visit family that we usually take, and holiday get togethers except for the summer ones with local family because those we had outside. Thanksgiving and Christmas felt empty and weird.

Another huge loss of 2020 was the death of one of my brothers to a sudden heart attack.  It was a shock; it still doesn’t feel real even though I know it is.  We weren’t able to gather for a funeral, it doesn’t seem right, and there again is something that this virus took away.  It was strange not buying him a birthday card or Christmas gift.

My older daughter moved out of our house into her own apartment and while I am so happy for her, it feels strange still, all these months later, sitting on the couch in the evening without her.  It’s a strange quiet that I’m still getting used to.

I think that many people felt much loss in this year that just ended, loss that we will all continue to come to terms with for a long time. My wish for 2021, among others, is that we will all learn make peace with what our lives are like, and how they changed from what we knew before the pandemic hit.

Joy In 2020

Christmas is coming In less than a week,

 We’re hoping to find

 The joy that we seek,

 It’s not in the lights

 Or ribbons and bows,

 Nor is it found with

 A reindeer’s red nose,

 The Grinch found the answer,

 Guess he’s pretty smart,

 We must find that joy,

 In each other’s heart.

 As Christmas rushes at us this year, I’m having difficulty finding joy in anything. I’m feeling like the Grinch. It’s been a rough one, this year; it’s been a year of loss in many ways both personally and collectively for us all. We lost our ability to connect with each other on a daily basis and, trapped each in their own little world it became harder to see and understand what is happening with friends, family and strangers. Technology can help us keep in touch, but there are so many nuances lost by being separated as we have been and still are. While there is hope that we can begin to come together in person in the coming months, it is not something we can safely do right now.

 I guess I didn’t realize how much I depended on the day to day interactions I used to have with people. The quick kibitzing at work with my coworkers and customers, encounters with my fellow shoppers at the supermarket, and getting together with friends at a restaurant or coffee shop are all things that I am missing. Zooming and texting are good ways to keep in touch, but you can’t always pick up on a mood when communicating electronically. The anonymity of wearing a mask whenever in public is disconcerting. With only the eyes showing, it’s hard to tell if someone is smiling, relaxed, frowning, or tense when you’re out at the supermarket for instance. Our voices are muffled behind the masks and that makes it harder to pick up on how someone is doing as some inflection is lost in the mouth covering. It feels lonely to me, even when I’m out at the store. We are standing apart when in line, trying to avoid each other in the aisles and the parking lot, and there’s a barrier between us and the cashier. It’s an isolating experience.

 So how can we find the joy of the season in each other’s hearts this year? We can keep trying to connect, and learn how to read the nuances of someone wearing a face covering, talking on a delay in a zoom meeting, or including emojis in text messages. We’re all humans and we are adaptable, we are determined to find a way to connect with others no matter what. So we wave to each other from a distance, we share memes and jokes over texts; we tell each other the news of our lives and share our thoughts. We find things in common to connect through times when we cannot be in each other’s physical company.

 This whole year has been different and challenging, we shouldn’t really expect the Christmas season to be any easier. We can, however learn a new way to spread our joy and love for each other. Reaching out in different ways bridges the gap until it is safe, once again, to hug, shake hands, sit elbow to elbow around a table, and walk arm in arm. I wish for you joy this Christmas, and for you to find a way to share it with others. Sharing multiplies it, makes it bigger, just as the Grinch’s heart grew 3 sizes when he realized the meaning of Christmas.

Cookie Magic

Recently I spent a Sunday afternoon baking for Christmas. I look forward every year to baking a few different types of cookies and a fruitcake or two to help make the holiday season special. The recipes I use are mostly handed down through family, some from my side, and some from my husband’s. Sure, I could make them any time of the year, but by keeping them for this time of the year makes them more of a treat. I love cookies, and I am not alone. It seems that everyone brightens up when there are homemade cookies around. I know that if someone surprises me with some I am a happy camper! As much as I love being gifted with cookies, I love giving them to others. It seems like even just a picture of cookies causes a positive reaction, judging by the responses to pictures of the cookies I baked that I posted on social media. It made me wonder, what is it about just the mention of them that causes a bit of happiness? I can only speak from my own experience here, as I am not any kind of psychoanalyst or therapist, but I think those little tasty morsels feel like love. I feel cozy inside, like when I was a child and walking in the door after school to the scent of chocolate chip or sugar cookies baking. What’s more comforting than a plate of cookies and a glass of ice cold milk or a steaming cup of hot cocoa when you’re feeling depleted in the afternoon? Of course now that I’m an adult I’m more likely to have a cup of tea or coffee at hand with my discs of deliciousness. If I kept all the cookies I baked I would be in trouble with the doctor, not to mention the clothes in my closet! So I like to share them. This year, of course, I can’t take some into work as I normally would because I’ve not worked since everything shut down around here in March. So I decided that I will share them some other way. I can surprise the neighbors, send some into work with my husband, take some to my daughter, and give her some for her coworkers. Spread the love around, that’s what I say. How about those folks that you used to be friends with but simply grew apart from so that you only exchange a word here or there or holiday cards? Wouldn’t they be pleasantly surprised with a gift of your homemade cookies? How about your doctor’s office, your town police, librarians, or even the post office? Wouldn’t the workers enjoy a little unexpected thoughtfulness? Have you had a falling out over politics with someone you used to enjoy being with? Maybe the gift of some freshly baked morsels would help you both remember that you actually do like each other and perhaps put aside the things that separate you and find things you have in common again—like gingersnaps or brownies. You never know until you try. I know that cookies aren’t going to bring about world peace, or solve all the many problems in the world, but gee, it’s nice to think that you could have a few moments of calm, and share the feeling with just the right blend of flour, sugar, and butter. I wish for you this Christmas season cookies; whether you make them or you are given them, they can bring you some momentary joy.