Here We Are

Hello, October, number ten

I’m glad to see you here again 

Cooler temps and brisker breezes

Hint that soon we’re in for freezes

I welcome them, your colors too

Also the time for soup and stew

Cozy blankets, sweaters, tea

These are things that comfort me

Changing seasons can be good

October brings a reflective mood.

Well here we are at October and this long year is finally heading toward its end.  This is my time of year, it feels good to be winding down from busy, hot, summer days. So far, however I have been unable to enjoy the golden sunshine, longer shadows and refreshing temperatures as I am camping out at the hospital with my daughter. She was quite ill, and as she is not able to communicate, here is where either I or my husband will be until she is well enough to leave. It’s been over 3 weeks since we drove her to the ER late in the evening on a Friday, and what an odyssey it has been!

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on many things while we’ve been here. I’ve realized that one of the most important qualities in a healthcare provider is an open mind. Thankfully one of the doctors who is treating our precious girl is willing to truly listen to my thoughts on what’s going on medically with her, and act as a team in treating her using a combination of his education and expertise, and my knowledge and instincts as her mother and caregiver for 28 years. A doctor like this is a treasure. We have had a number of such doctors involved in her care over the years and it helps more than I can express. When doctors don’t truly listen and take into account my thoughts on proposed treatment and her medical history as well as anecdotal information that may not align with their experience, it is a frustrating thing. It can delay treatment and recovery unnecessarily because sometimes people’s illnesses don’t follow the case histories the professionals have studied. Medical science is constantly evolving and the open minded doctor is the one who will put patients and families at ease and build trust. When you feel respected you are more likely to accept difficult information and work with rather than against the medical professionals. Attitude is important as well. If someone comes in with a negative, resentful or superior attitude it sets up a kind of adversarial atmosphere that does not lead to teamwork. As we try to figure out this puzzle of my daughter’s health and work toward her release from hospital and return to home, I count on those open minded professionals and nurses with a caring, can-do attitude to keep things heading in the right direction. Prayer doesn’t hurt, either.

I don’t know when we will finally be able to leave here, but I pray it will be while there is still plenty of beautiful October weather to enjoy. It is my favorite time of year. But for now, here is where we are.

Late Summer

 

                             The last of the sweet 100's and pink roses through the deck rail.

I love the late summer days, those last few days in September before the calendar says Autumn begins.  Around here the humidity usually drops, the sun is at a noticeably lower angle, shadows are longer, days get shorter and the first cool nights and mornings feel refreshing rather than too cold.  It’s funny how the cooler temperatures feel refreshing in September but too cold in March. I guess I just welcome the change of seasons.

               Without the current pandemic situation, I’d be back at work at the beginning of September, getting lunch out to the students in our district, the high school students for the past 10 years.  I remember, though, that just when I had to return to work, the weather turned to the season I most enjoy and as I climbed behind the wheel to drive myself to work I sighed and looked wistfully at the lawn chairs, wishing I could stay home, pour another cup of coffee and enjoy the sights, sounds, and scents of the late summer mornings.  Well, my current and for the foreseeable future is that I can do just that.  I don’t like the reason that I’m free to do that now, but I sure do appreciate being able to do it!  There is a different sound to the chirping of the birds, a hushed quality to the sound of the traffic from the highway, and the neighborhood as well.  Leaves on the shrubs begin to turn colors before the trees, late blooms on the roses begin to fade, and there is sharpness to the breeze. The last of the summer tomatoes seem extra sweet, as if they have soaked up all the goodness of long sunny days. I enjoy it all.  Getting reacquainted with my long sleeve shirts, for me, is something I welcome.  The days feel less frenzied, perhaps because it’s time to turn my attention to indoor things, making sure the heaters are dust free so we can turn them on that first morning when the outdoor temperatures are in the 30’s and the house feels cold, cooking pots of chili, soups, and stew, and planning out the upcoming holidays—Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Yes, they will all be here before we know it.  Late summer feels like a new beginning, but maybe that’s because for so many years it signaled a return to routine, my girls going to school and me returning to work.  I guess I got so used to it that it’s hard to change now, even if I wanted to, which really I don’t.  Autumn and Winter are times of slowing down (despite the holidays) and an easier pace with time for rest and reflection.  By the time I’m tired of the cold weather, I’ll be ready for longer days and warmer breezes and the rejuvenation of the outdoors.

               Each season brings a chance to change things; live at a different pace.  This year I can fully appreciate the slower place the end of Summer brings.  I plan to enjoy it.

Icky Vicky

 

Icky Vicky

 

Icky Vicky is a spider

And I like her not

She lives outside my window

In an unreachable spot

In her web she undulated

As the wind played in the trees

I didn’t like to see that

It gave me slightly shaky knees

I noticed that she’s gone now

Where she went I do not know

It makes me a little nervous

When outside now I do go

I think I liked it better

When her position I could see

At least then I could be sure

She wasn’t near to me!

 

               It’s been a while since I wrote about spiders, because for the most part the last couple of years have been devoid of spiders in the areas I want to be outside, and not too many inside.  I truly hope it stays that way.  Vigilance in sweeping outside in the areas I inhabit has been key in keeping them at bay.  The broom simply redirects them to more appropriate areas for their web building and waiting for prey. Icky Vicky was out of reach, but well within my sight.

               I first noticed the huge web during a rain storm.  It encompassed the whole window and the raindrops highlighted it.  At first it was fascinating, even a beautiful work of art the way the drops looked like diamonds highlighting the intricacies of the weaving. Then I noticed Icky Vicky sitting in the middle, awaiting her prey.  Sometimes she would creep upward toward the right hand corner, only to move back to the middle, her spindly legs curling and uncurling as she moved.  When the sun came out she remained in the middle, and as the sun set it streamed into my living room so I closed the drapes.  Now we could plainly see the shadow of her and her web. I didn’t enjoy that, but really what could I do?  She stayed there for the better part of a week.  One day I noticed a fat fly was caught in her trap, and then she crept over and I tried to look away, unsuccessfully, while she feasted on the juicy morsel.  It was the day after that when I realized she had disappeared. It’s not the first time I had seen a monster like her, in years past I had to get rid of her kind because they were too close to where I have my patio garden and chairs.  I would then see them high above with a web strung between the cable and telephone lines which was fine, they weren’t bothering me there and I could keep an eye on them so I knew where they were.  I still don’t know where she went because there are no huge weavings between the lines above this year.  I doubt she went far, I think it’s likely that after she ate she crept away to lay eggs and then simply died. I fully expect that next year the spawn of Icky Vicky will decorate my window the way she did. Of course, she’s not the only one of her ilk that I’ve seen this summer, she’s just the largest. For the most part I have, as I said, relocated those who choose to lay their insect trap too close to my outdoor living areas.  There is one that I recently killed with insect spray because I walked out onto the back deck one morning to get a breath of early morning air and walked into a huge web in which it was sitting.  Yuck!  I made a hasty retreat into the house and grabbed the can of spray.  Sorry, spider lovers, but that one didn’t make it.  Later I went and swept the web away.  Things had been pretty quiet until my next door neighbor had a load of firewood delivered and stacked on the edge of her driveway which is pretty close to my driveway.  It was only a couple of days before I noticed an increase in the tiger striped monsters hanging out on our cars and that side of the house.  My broom as well as sticks have been very busy relocating the invaders.  As I’m twirling the threads around a stick before tossing it away from the house or car I wonder what the neighbors think I’m doing.  I imagine it looks funny, like I’m waving a magic wand and casting a spell or something.  I wish I could cast a spider be gone spell on my house and property so I wouldn’t be bothered with those nasty little creeps.  I’ll have to make do with my current removal methods, I guess.

               I realize that spiders play an important role in nature, but I don’t have to like them. If they just keep their distance we will live in peace.

 

Rainy Days and Messages

 

 

Pitter patter morning rain

Invites me to lie abed

Extends night time

Into the day with a

Lullaby to fill my head

With thoughts of cozy

Things like toast

And the fragrant brew

I crave the most.

 

               It can be tough to get out of bed on a rainy morning.  The sound of raindrops hitting the roof and knowing that it’s darker than usual outside make us snuggle deeper into the nest of our  pillows and blankets in an effort to extend the sanctuary of safety and comfort we have in our beds.  Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be able to give in to the desire to stay nestled and hidden from the world for a little while longer, and what a delightful thing that is!  It’s almost like the universe is telling us to take a little time to rest and recharge; we should listen to that message.  Sometimes we repeatedly ignore the messages from the universe, so it throws a brick at us.  I sometimes joke that the shutdown was a way for the universe to make me listen once, and for all.

               For the past couple of years, getting things together in the morning and getting to work on time have been a challenge.  Between weather issues, day program for my daughter transportation issues, fatigue, road closures, aches and pains, and various other things it seemed like the universe was trying to tell me to forget about working.  Yet I persisted, handled each challenge, got to work (not always on time, but my employer is quite understanding), and managed to keep everything running.  I just figured that some years are like that—constant challenges and roadblocks that we must overcome in order to survive.  Well, now I have no choice but to be home.  I am liking it!  Although I miss the crew I worked with, and the job itself, I don’t miss the aches and pains that became my normal way of feeling, and the exhaustion that came along with it.  I realize now just how wearying juggling all those things was for me.  This shutdown has helped me see that something had to give.  The job was the obvious choice for making a difference in my life.  It was the only thing I was able to give up without major, catastrophic personal fallout.  Of course I also miss the income, but adjustments can be made.  It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it now that I see how much easier my life is, how much less complicated.

               Rainy days are the perfect time for me to reflect on things that have changed for me recently, and gain some perspective.  I’m finally paying attention to the things that life was trying to tell me.  Slow down, care for the ones you love, take care of yourself are all messages we shouldn’t ignore.  It took a pandemic for me to realize the most important things in life: family, friends, and health.

Too Much

               Too much of anything isn’t really good.  Reading for a long time can hurt your eyes or even give you a headache (I know this from personal experience).  Eating a whole bag of potato chips or a container of ice cream in one sitting, while it may be “good for your soul” (as I am prone to saying), is not good for your overall health, especially if you do it frequently.  Even over-consumption of something healthy, like water, is likely to cause some problems.  It’s important to find a balance between what you enjoy and what is good for you and try to avoid feeling addicted to things you know don’t make you feel good, but you just can’t seem to stop.  This is also true when it comes to what’s happening in the world, your personal world, hometown, nation, and globally.

               When I was growing up, my parents read the daily newspapers, one published in town with local news, and one that had more state and worldwide news.  My father watched the late news, at 11:00 pm, sometimes my mother watched news in the late afternoon, at 5:00.  That was it, they kept informed about what was going on and then moved on to other things, books, magazines, tv shows, chores, hobbies, and spending time with us kids. It is very different today.  It’s hard to stay away from current events and opinions.  Much of what is put out there as news is, in my view, the opinions of the broadcasters and celebrities. Between the tv, radio, and social media, over consuming news is hard to avoid.  I do think about this a lot, because I feel that in general we as a society and me personally have become fearful, overwhelmed, and have an underlying anger; most of us probably don’t even know why we feel like this or realize it is happening.  It is hard to avoid becoming fearful of everyday life when we are constantly bombarded with alarming reports and “statistics”, read in an intense manner into the camera, or splashed across any written media in bold lettering with alarming graphics.  The weather alone is enough to make you hide under the covers and wait for the end of the world.  I never remember “weather alerts” when I was younger.  If it was going to rain, we stayed inside or wore raincoats and boots, depending on what it was like out.  We were not alarmed by it, but we respected that Mother Nature would have her way no matter what and we acted accordingly.  Snow was exciting, but not frightening, hot days in summer were expected and called for shorts and t-shirts, ice pops, swimming or sprinkler play and lying in the shade sipping lemonade.  Nobody had to tell us (except our mothers) to stay hydrated and not exert ourselves too much in hot weather.  Cold in January was just par for the course, so we donned our coats, hats, and gloves and went about our business of getting to school and work, but we weren’t scared by it.  Now, half the time I’m afraid to go out of my house for fear something terrible will happen to me if I do.  How silly!  Fear is what keeps us going back to check the weather frequently so we are not caught off guard by dangerous conditions which rarely occur.  In our current situation with the pandemic raging across our country, it’s hard not to become obsessed with finding out “the latest” about it.  If we pay too much attention to what most media is telling us, we forget that common sense is what we most need.  It makes sense to wash your hands after you have been anywhere besides inside your house, and after handling groceries or using the bathroom.  If doctors are saying that wearing a cloth or disposable mask will keep germs from spreading, then common sense tells us that we should do that when we’re going to be around people we don’t live with or who are sick, until a vaccine is available to everyone.  There is so much common sense missing right now.  I think that planting seeds out doubt is one thing that media excels at, and helps to cloud our judgement and ignore the common sense most everyone has.  Fear allows us to ignore our inner voice of reason and readily buy into disinformation. 

               I think about this a lot, as I find myself fearing going out in the rain, driving anywhere, even grocery shopping.  Too much news is not a good thing, at least for me.  I’m doing my best to limit how frequently I check on current events.  Once in the morning and then once in the evening seems to be a good balance for me. I hope you find a good balance for yourself and let your internal voice of reason be your guide.  I wish you peace.