Rainy Days and Messages

 

 

Pitter patter morning rain

Invites me to lie abed

Extends night time

Into the day with a

Lullaby to fill my head

With thoughts of cozy

Things like toast

And the fragrant brew

I crave the most.

 

               It can be tough to get out of bed on a rainy morning.  The sound of raindrops hitting the roof and knowing that it’s darker than usual outside make us snuggle deeper into the nest of our  pillows and blankets in an effort to extend the sanctuary of safety and comfort we have in our beds.  Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be able to give in to the desire to stay nestled and hidden from the world for a little while longer, and what a delightful thing that is!  It’s almost like the universe is telling us to take a little time to rest and recharge; we should listen to that message.  Sometimes we repeatedly ignore the messages from the universe, so it throws a brick at us.  I sometimes joke that the shutdown was a way for the universe to make me listen once, and for all.

               For the past couple of years, getting things together in the morning and getting to work on time have been a challenge.  Between weather issues, day program for my daughter transportation issues, fatigue, road closures, aches and pains, and various other things it seemed like the universe was trying to tell me to forget about working.  Yet I persisted, handled each challenge, got to work (not always on time, but my employer is quite understanding), and managed to keep everything running.  I just figured that some years are like that—constant challenges and roadblocks that we must overcome in order to survive.  Well, now I have no choice but to be home.  I am liking it!  Although I miss the crew I worked with, and the job itself, I don’t miss the aches and pains that became my normal way of feeling, and the exhaustion that came along with it.  I realize now just how wearying juggling all those things was for me.  This shutdown has helped me see that something had to give.  The job was the obvious choice for making a difference in my life.  It was the only thing I was able to give up without major, catastrophic personal fallout.  Of course I also miss the income, but adjustments can be made.  It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it now that I see how much easier my life is, how much less complicated.

               Rainy days are the perfect time for me to reflect on things that have changed for me recently, and gain some perspective.  I’m finally paying attention to the things that life was trying to tell me.  Slow down, care for the ones you love, take care of yourself are all messages we shouldn’t ignore.  It took a pandemic for me to realize the most important things in life: family, friends, and health.

Too Much

               Too much of anything isn’t really good.  Reading for a long time can hurt your eyes or even give you a headache (I know this from personal experience).  Eating a whole bag of potato chips or a container of ice cream in one sitting, while it may be “good for your soul” (as I am prone to saying), is not good for your overall health, especially if you do it frequently.  Even over-consumption of something healthy, like water, is likely to cause some problems.  It’s important to find a balance between what you enjoy and what is good for you and try to avoid feeling addicted to things you know don’t make you feel good, but you just can’t seem to stop.  This is also true when it comes to what’s happening in the world, your personal world, hometown, nation, and globally.

               When I was growing up, my parents read the daily newspapers, one published in town with local news, and one that had more state and worldwide news.  My father watched the late news, at 11:00 pm, sometimes my mother watched news in the late afternoon, at 5:00.  That was it, they kept informed about what was going on and then moved on to other things, books, magazines, tv shows, chores, hobbies, and spending time with us kids. It is very different today.  It’s hard to stay away from current events and opinions.  Much of what is put out there as news is, in my view, the opinions of the broadcasters and celebrities. Between the tv, radio, and social media, over consuming news is hard to avoid.  I do think about this a lot, because I feel that in general we as a society and me personally have become fearful, overwhelmed, and have an underlying anger; most of us probably don’t even know why we feel like this or realize it is happening.  It is hard to avoid becoming fearful of everyday life when we are constantly bombarded with alarming reports and “statistics”, read in an intense manner into the camera, or splashed across any written media in bold lettering with alarming graphics.  The weather alone is enough to make you hide under the covers and wait for the end of the world.  I never remember “weather alerts” when I was younger.  If it was going to rain, we stayed inside or wore raincoats and boots, depending on what it was like out.  We were not alarmed by it, but we respected that Mother Nature would have her way no matter what and we acted accordingly.  Snow was exciting, but not frightening, hot days in summer were expected and called for shorts and t-shirts, ice pops, swimming or sprinkler play and lying in the shade sipping lemonade.  Nobody had to tell us (except our mothers) to stay hydrated and not exert ourselves too much in hot weather.  Cold in January was just par for the course, so we donned our coats, hats, and gloves and went about our business of getting to school and work, but we weren’t scared by it.  Now, half the time I’m afraid to go out of my house for fear something terrible will happen to me if I do.  How silly!  Fear is what keeps us going back to check the weather frequently so we are not caught off guard by dangerous conditions which rarely occur.  In our current situation with the pandemic raging across our country, it’s hard not to become obsessed with finding out “the latest” about it.  If we pay too much attention to what most media is telling us, we forget that common sense is what we most need.  It makes sense to wash your hands after you have been anywhere besides inside your house, and after handling groceries or using the bathroom.  If doctors are saying that wearing a cloth or disposable mask will keep germs from spreading, then common sense tells us that we should do that when we’re going to be around people we don’t live with or who are sick, until a vaccine is available to everyone.  There is so much common sense missing right now.  I think that planting seeds out doubt is one thing that media excels at, and helps to cloud our judgement and ignore the common sense most everyone has.  Fear allows us to ignore our inner voice of reason and readily buy into disinformation. 

               I think about this a lot, as I find myself fearing going out in the rain, driving anywhere, even grocery shopping.  Too much news is not a good thing, at least for me.  I’m doing my best to limit how frequently I check on current events.  Once in the morning and then once in the evening seems to be a good balance for me. I hope you find a good balance for yourself and let your internal voice of reason be your guide.  I wish you peace.

Little Things I Miss

               It’s the little things that make up our days.  Those daily things that keep us organized, our households running, and bring brief moments of contentment are the ones we often miss the most when our lives are altered in some way.  Sometimes we don’t realize how important they are until they are no longer there. Since March, when our schools and then businesses closed due to the pandemic, I have been out of work, and staying home.  At first, they said it was for 2 weeks.  “Cool!” I thought, a little vacation, time for extra rest and get a couple of cleaning/decluttering projects done.  It did not, however, turn out that way!  It’s been 4 ½ months since the last time I went to work, and returning doesn’t look likely any time soon.  I realized over the course of time that what I miss the most are the daily things that make for a “normal” day.

               One of the most basic things that I miss is having a routine, a timetable to stick with or the whole day is off kilter. Even though my workday mornings were rushed, it enabled me to keep moving with a purpose.  It started the day off with an objective, and things fell into place from there.  In spite of trying to institute some type of routine while at home, it’s too easy to slack off and just meander through the day because if something doesn’t get done today, there’s always tomorrow or the day after that, etc.  It’s frustrating when basic chores don’t get done, but not so much so that they feel urgent.  Mostly I’m at loose ends, and feel no purpose to my day. I know I’m not the only one finding this to be true.  Something else I miss is saying good morning to coworkers, and having short conversations throughout the work hours about what’s happening in our personal lives and thoughts on the work ahead of us each day.  I miss the physical activity from my job, and the mental work, giving me something else to think about besides my own problems.  Trying to replicate the physical activity and communication with others is challenging when you’re stuck at home.  Exercising, texting and Zoom calls help, but there’s nothing like hard work and person to person exchanges.  I also miss being able to run quick errands as I did after work many days.  A quick trip to the pharmacy or grocery store, library, or post office were things I took for granted and now I have to wait for someone else to get home before I can run any errands since her day program is closed until further notice, and I can’t risk exposing her to the virus so don’t take her into any public places. There were days when I’d go out for coffee after work with a coworker or two, and that doesn’t happen now, either.  I’m not sure I truly appreciated everything that I was able to do daily before this historic event.

 It’s a strange and isolating time we’re in right now.  Feeling at loose ends and purposeless some days is tough to get used to and work through.  All we can do is try to fill the time with useful and personally fulfilling activities, and try to keep in touch with friends, family and coworkers electronically until it’s safe to see each other in person.

Coffee and Donuts

               My first job was in a national chain coffee & donut shop.  It was a fun and fragrant job, featuring interactions with many people from all walks of life, and the enticing smell of brewing coffee and baking donuts.  It was a place where people, for the most part, were happy.  After all, even if you’re having a less than good day, a steaming cup of coffee and sweet treat can be a cheering respite from grueling work and worry.  It’s also a hopeful way to start the day, get employees to attend a meeting, catch up with a friend, or feel cozy when away from home.

               I think most everyone has a favorite flavor donut.  I like a nice, fresh, powdered sugar donut, although jelly donuts are also nice.  Of course, there is something to be said for cream filled or chocolate donuts, and plain ones can’t be beat for dunking in a fresh cup of coffee or glass of ice cold milk.  Donut holes are also a tasty little bite, just right when time is short and you just need something quick and sweet to pop into your mouth on the run.  I recently realized that if you’re going to be popping donuts while driving it’s best to have the donut holes, as bigger donuts tend to fall apart which is awkward while driving and likely to make a mess in your car and possibly on the front of your shirt, depending on what type of donut you’re eating.  Jelly donuts are nearly impossible to consume neatly in this circumstance, as the filling is likely to drip where you don’t want it and make a sticky mess and also leave a stain.  Cake type donuts are less messy, but the sugar or cinnamon coating tends to end up sprinkled all over everything in the area.  There are donuts available in nearly every store, and many farmers markets and orchards sell homemade cider donuts which are a really special treat.  One would think that since I worked in a donut shop and went home every day smelling of donuts and coffee that I would be sick of both.  I am far from sick of either one—I love coffee and I love donuts!  I usually have a box of those yummy circles in my house, and of course there is always coffee.  Naturally, too many donuts will result in the need for larger pants, but with the proper restraint one can indulge frequently without negative effects; too much coffee (I know, some people will not understand how there could ever be too much coffee, ha-ha!) can result in jitteriness, or at the very least lots of chatter (this is how I am affected by too much coffee, just ask my husband or daughter).  Some people get a little loose with alcohol consumption, but I am much more fun with caffeine and sugar coursing through my veins.  It becomes nearly impossible to control my tongue when I’m indulging that way, usually to the delight and entertainment of those in my company and sometimes to my chagrin.  It doesn’t stop me from occasionally over indulging.

               Over all, I recommend treating yourself to donuts and coffee, or tea if you’re not such a coffee drinker.  Some days we all need a little something to perk us up, something that feels friendly and comforting, and adds a little sweetness to life.

Marking Time

               I joined the marching band when I started high school, many, many years ago. I already knew the basics of marching, as both my older brothers were in the group ahead of me and schooled me in the basics.  I don’t recall having a choice in the matter, but probably I agreed readily to learn as younger siblings are apt to do when trying to keep up with their older counterparts.  One of the parts we learned was marking time.  There are many times in the course of a parade or half time performance that the band members must march in place—marking time.  I didn’t think much about it once I graduated and moved on into adulthood, until recently.  During this pandemic I feel as if all I do is mark time, figuratively, and then began to do it physically most days as a way to remain active.

               Stay at home orders and businesses and schools shutting down puts a community into a weird suspended state.  Your “normal” life is put on hold and there you are trying to fill the hours of your days with activities to keep your mind sharp, your body moving, and, if you have family there with you, to keep everyone from getting on each other’s nerves too much. Early in the shutdown the weather wasn’t conducive to being outside much as it was a cold and windy spring.  I took my daughter out for rides nearly every day, just to get out of the house. Once home, it was easiest to fill the time before my husband came home with TV and reading books.  Not much physical activity was happening outside of household chores and occasional bouts of decluttering.  Once nicer weather arrived, I took to walking my daughter, in her wheelchair, up and down the driveway in order to get some activity, followed by relaxing on the patio or deck and reading, in between blowing bubbles and texting with friends and family.  I don’t go to parks out of an abundance of caution because I’m not confident that the virus can’t be transmitted by simply walking past someone, even outside.  Once summer weather got into full swing, it was too hot to walk much so, in order to get that exercise in I began marking time for 10 -20 minutes a day.  I usually do it while my daughter is watching TV, and she looks at me as if I have lost my mind.  Maybe I have, but, I am at least not gaining any weight; although I was hoping to lose some this way.  Perhaps a few less salty snacks and less ice cream would help with that, but I love my little treats too much to give them up entirely!  This marking time takes an emotional toll, and any way I can feel a bit better is worth it to me.

               I’ll continue marking time for the foreseeable future, as will many others.  When all this is finally over, I wonder how much “normal” life will be left?