November Gift

 

Typically around here November is cool, most days in the lower 50’s or upper 40’s.  But we recently had about a week of the most beautiful weather—deep blue, cloudless skies and temperatures in the low to mid 70’s and no humidity.  It was such a gift, especially since I missed most of the gorgeous October weather we had due to the hospital adventure.  I took full advantage and spent time outside as much as possible, opened the windows in my house, fired up the grill and had a return to summer, (except for the very early time the sunsets now).  It was wonderful but it’s over.  We just had a few days of dreary, rainy, cooler weather to remind us that winter is on the way.  So, too, are the big holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve.

The holidays are going to be quite different this year, given the resurgence of the virus.  It would be a sad time anyhow, since it’s the first holiday season without my brother Dan.  Now it really won’t even feel like a holiday, something that has happened all this year since the pandemic hit.  At least in the summer we were able to be together outside with people we know and love.  It’s just how it has to be this year, and hopefully next year there will be a vaccine and some immunity so we’ll be able once again to gather together to feast and reminisce, laugh and tell stories from our family’s past.  I will still make the traditional feast for my husband, daughters, and myself but will make smaller amounts.  I’ll pull out the china and wine glasses, and we’ll be thankful that we at least are together.  Maybe we’ll call or facetime with the family that we’ll be missing.  It will feel strange, but it will still be good.

I hope that you all are going to have a good holiday season, and make the best of whatever your circumstances are at present. 

Home and November

Home. Home sweet home!  I didn't realize how much I loved being home until I wasn't able to be for a month.  That's how long I spent in the hospital with Hillary recently.  Getting coffee from the machine on the hospital unit she was in, or when their wasn't any, running down to the hospital cafeteria to grab a quick breakfast before any of the many doctors made their rounds was not the best way to start the day,  This picture is of the first breakfast I had at home in a month, and I ate it in my robe at my leisure and even had a second and third cup of coffee just because I could and without interruption.  It's true that we really do miss the little things and that there truly is no place like home, as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz movie.                                                                                                                                                   

The ghosts and goblins have come and gone                                                                                              

A new month starts with the dawn

This is the month we most give thanks

For veterans, voting, and (fill in the blanks),

Please don't rush through this month November,

Take your time so you can remember,

Everyone you are most thankful for,

Feeling thankful for them is not a chore.                                                                                                                    And now we are in November.  The voting has been done but the counting of ballots is still going on.  The  pandemic still rages across our country, as does controversy, mean spirited debate between ordinary citizens, and politicians acting like children who only want their way no matter what.  It is disheartening, and depressing.  So to combat all of that, I am trying to think of and look for the good, the positive, and uplifting, as well as losing myself in books and reruns of crime dramas just because I want to.  Right now the weather here is beautiful and sunny, and unseasonably warm.  We are trying to spend time outside while we can without freezing our noses off, because I know that one day soon we'll be shivering and hiding inside under blankets watching clouds roll in filled with either cold rain or snow, or worse yet, sleet and freezing rain.  Those are dark days to which I don't look forward,  For now I won't think about them and will just enjoy the beautiful weather, and write my little poems and things when I get the chance.  I intend to also be mindful of all that I have to be thankful for, such as Hillary's recovery, nice weather when we get it, road crews who treat the bad roads when the weather gets icy, the sound of my wind chimes ringing in the breeze, ingredients to make food for us to eat, and friends who check in, as well as family who are dear to me.  These are strange times we live in, and it's not easy to keep things upbeat. We try, and keep moving forward trying our best not to get discouraged.                                                                                    

                                                                                   

  

                                                                                                           

                                 

Halloween 2020

 ‘Neath the Blue Moon

Silhouettes dance

‘Round the fire

In a trance

Holding hands

Up high then low

Swaying always to and fro

Chant so slow 

Then pick up speed

Calling, calling

Happy Halloween!

I almost missed Halloween, like so many of this year’s special days it doesn’t feel special.  I do put out some decorations and get some little goody bags ready just in case any trick or treaters Caine to the door. This year not too many in my neighborhood are participating, if I go by how many houses have their outside light in. We’re the only house on the street with the light on.  On a normal Halloween we get maybe 7 trick or treaters. It’s so strange! When my girls were young the neighborhood was teeming with children of all ages. We mothers took the younger kids around and the fathers stayed home to give out the candy. When the kids were a little older either one or two mothers or fathers wrangled a group, or someone’s older sibling was tapped to supervise. Those were good times, I remember them fondly. Just as I remember trick or treating as a child with my brothers. There was one house that we went to first, where friends of my mother lived. They lived about 3 houses up the hill on the opposite side of the street. They were an older, childless couple who had a miniature white poodle named “Susie” who my younger brother and I spent time playing with while our mother visited with them. Their names were Ethel and Shorty. On Halloween they always had full sized Hershey bars for us, smaller bars for other kids. It was nice to feel special like that.  My older brothers took us out around the block, I don’t ever remember my parents taking us around. My mother handed out the candy to the kids who came to our door. I kind of miss those days, too.

There’s no doubt that this year, because of the pandemic, many things are very different from what we’re used to. I wonder if one day we’ll look back at these things that are so different and miss them. In some ways they are quieter and leave time for more introspection. Perhaps we’ll miss that aspect. It remains to be seen.

You Don’t Know Her

 We have been in the hospital for over 4 weeks.  My biggest problem with this hospital stay (aside from illness necessitating our stay) is the lack of consistency in her daily care. There are so very many doctors involved, and I feel as if they are sometimes working against each other. I believe they are trying to do their best, but they are unused to someone with such a complex history and constant needs. Having different nurses and nursing assistants caring for her also does not allow for consistency. They rely on their computerized charts which is all well and good, but if there is something that isn’t noted in the chart, or is for some reason not seen by the next shift, things fall through the cracks. Things like IV’s not restarted, medications not sent by the pharmacy at appropriate times, and lag times in care such diapering or positioning changes all lead to inadequate and potentially dangerous medical consequences. I do not fault the staff, as there are truly not enough of them working at any given time. They are doing their best, but with such a complex case it cannot be enough. This is why I stay, why I camp in this uncomfortable recliner that is terrible for my back & sleep in my clothes. It’s why I leave the building only when my husband is here with her, and grab very quick meals in the hospital cafeteria when he’s not. So when the staff tells me to go home and rest, and when I decline ask me if I don’t trust them, my short answer is no. It’s because you don’t know her like I do, you don’t understand her nonverbal sounds, her looks, her wants and needs. So I stay. And I will do so until I can take her home with me. I will ask you questions and tell you when I don’t agree, and will turn away from you rather than yell at you or slap you; I will act like a reasonable adult so you have no reason to brand me as “an emotional overreacting mother”. This is my child, who I have kept safe & healthy for decades, and plan to continue to do so as long as I breathe.

Here We Are

Hello, October, number ten

I’m glad to see you here again 

Cooler temps and brisker breezes

Hint that soon we’re in for freezes

I welcome them, your colors too

Also the time for soup and stew

Cozy blankets, sweaters, tea

These are things that comfort me

Changing seasons can be good

October brings a reflective mood.

Well here we are at October and this long year is finally heading toward its end.  This is my time of year, it feels good to be winding down from busy, hot, summer days. So far, however I have been unable to enjoy the golden sunshine, longer shadows and refreshing temperatures as I am camping out at the hospital with my daughter. She was quite ill, and as she is not able to communicate, here is where either I or my husband will be until she is well enough to leave. It’s been over 3 weeks since we drove her to the ER late in the evening on a Friday, and what an odyssey it has been!

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on many things while we’ve been here. I’ve realized that one of the most important qualities in a healthcare provider is an open mind. Thankfully one of the doctors who is treating our precious girl is willing to truly listen to my thoughts on what’s going on medically with her, and act as a team in treating her using a combination of his education and expertise, and my knowledge and instincts as her mother and caregiver for 28 years. A doctor like this is a treasure. We have had a number of such doctors involved in her care over the years and it helps more than I can express. When doctors don’t truly listen and take into account my thoughts on proposed treatment and her medical history as well as anecdotal information that may not align with their experience, it is a frustrating thing. It can delay treatment and recovery unnecessarily because sometimes people’s illnesses don’t follow the case histories the professionals have studied. Medical science is constantly evolving and the open minded doctor is the one who will put patients and families at ease and build trust. When you feel respected you are more likely to accept difficult information and work with rather than against the medical professionals. Attitude is important as well. If someone comes in with a negative, resentful or superior attitude it sets up a kind of adversarial atmosphere that does not lead to teamwork. As we try to figure out this puzzle of my daughter’s health and work toward her release from hospital and return to home, I count on those open minded professionals and nurses with a caring, can-do attitude to keep things heading in the right direction. Prayer doesn’t hurt, either.

I don’t know when we will finally be able to leave here, but I pray it will be while there is still plenty of beautiful October weather to enjoy. It is my favorite time of year. But for now, here is where we are.