Beautiful In A Terrible Way

 This year, 2024 has gotten off to a very rough start.  Our precious princess passed away on January 7th after being admitted to the hospital ICU with RSV, pneumonia, and sepsis. It is the most awful time of our lives, saying goodbye and learning to live without her.  It is a strange and empty feeling to be without someone who has been at the center of your life every day for just over 3 decades.  She was patient, and gentle while also being stubborn. She was a beautiful soul who we don't know how we will go on without in our daily lives.  That last night, as snow fell outside the hospital room, we gathered around her lying in the hospital bed as she fought for her life.  The next afternoon, as snowflakes lightly drifted down, we gathered around her as she took her final breaths in this life,  It was beautiful in the most terrible way.

It’s A Wonderful Life

 Here we are, starting a new year, 2024. The one just passed was, as always, a mixture of good things and bad things. A year where carefully made plans flew out the window to be replaced by short notice, illnesses, home improvements and social occasions. There was also some loss, close calls, confusion, and just generally all the things that lives are made up of. 2023 was fast paced, ever changing and bittersweet. I think most years are that way when we look back on them. Through it all, I try to keep my chin up and move forward. Although my heart may be heavy and fears trying to take over my thoughts, I have a determination to make it through and find something positive to focus on. I don’t always succeed, but with the help of family and friends I generally find my way through.

Also, I am thinking about things I have done differently in 2023. Here are a few of them:

— My husband and I do the grocery shopping together since he retired early in the year. I used to go alone and sometimes I still do, but us going together is now the norm.

— I eat cheese curls with a toothpick to keep my hands clean. Funny, right? I did it by accident one day, I had a toothpick holding a sandwich together and when I took it out it stuck in a cheese curl on my plate. It was a delightful revelation for me as I always ended up needing to scrub the orange dust off my fingers after indulging in those delightful crunchy salty morsels.

— I planted fewer flowers in pots last summer. It’s a lot of work and I found that I was just as happy with less, and the upkeep was less taxing.

— I stopped chasing friends. I realized that I do not have to be the planner. If friends want to get together I usually will, but I let them initiate most of the time. It’s much less frustrating to let them decide when there is time in their schedules since mine is pretty open. That’s not to say I ignore them unless they contact me, communicating is a 2 way street, after all, I just prefer for them to let me know when their schedules allow for us to meet.

— I returned to my church after many years of staying away. I was delighted and moved that I was welcomed back by many familiar faces and joined a bible study group. It’s nice chatting with different yet familiar people on a more regular basis. 

All of these things remind me that it is truly a wonderful life. I wonder what 2024 will bring?

Oh Spirit

 Where is my Christmas spirit? I wish I knew! Buried, perhaps, somewhere under all of the other feelings I have from dealing with the upsetting and life altering events of this crazy year? Well, probably. Surely it is in there, waiting to be awakened. I’m hoping it is trying to push its way to the surface, to put the light of anticipation in my eyes and heart that are usually in evidence by now. Anticipation of the beautiful decorations I will place in my house. Anticipation of the treats and gifts I will share with the ones that I love and the fun we will have together. Anticipation of the beautiful cards I will receive and send, and of the church celebration of Christ’s birth. The lovely music, and telling of stories both old and new. I know that spirit lives in me, surely I would not have hung outside Christmas lights and hung greenery on my front door, and gone shopping for some Christmas gifts if the spirit were not there. I would not have put on a Christmas tee shirt and tacky Christmas tree earrings to attend a Christmas party if it were not awakening. No, if the spirit buried in me had died I would have done none of those things. It is there, it just needs some encouragement to rise and become stronger, putting the light of anticipation of joy in my eyes and in my heart.

Constant State of Emergency

 

This has been a year when I feel that I’m nearly living in a constant state of emergency. We have had, in our house, some sort of virus affecting one of us almost every month. Add to that an accelerated date of retirement for my husband due to his job being eliminated at the beginning of the year, necessitating quickly figuring out health insurance for each of us, finances, and a huge change in routine all while dealing with illness. The washer broke and had to be replaced, the bathtub was rusting and had to be dealt with, the van needed work and our home health aide was in a motorcycle accident and is not expected to be back before October. It’s a lot of stuff to wade through, but we did it and do it because it’s just life. Through it all we try to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward. Sometimes, however, it’s tough when the world seems determined to focus on the negatives.so here are some good things that have happened. I have a brand new washer! It works really well and the man that delivered and installed it could not have been nicer, patiently explaining things and showing us how to set the controls, etc. My bathtub is now rust free and beautiful, and safer as we added safety bars. It’s such a pleasure using it! We had a man come and power wash the outside of our house, decks, and patio and seal all the wood. It looks brand new and we bought a new table and umbrella for the patio, and lovely annuals we put in pots and hanging baskets. We also have a patio garden on wheels that is yielding some zucchini, tomatoes, eggplant and peppers! The extra hot and humid sauna like weather really helped everything grow this year. The van, once repaired has been reliable and took us to visit family in another state for a few days. We had a nice visit in beautiful surroundings. We got home safely and have had some time to relax before resuming attending to the many appointments and responsibilities that are part of life.

So you see, there are many positives in life, and I try to focus on those to counter the negatives that come our way, and the ones that the news casters and social media seem to feel we need to be inundated with on a daily if not hourly basis. I wish you peace.

                                It was a steamy, cloudy morning in the mountains where we were.

   The new bathtub and safety bars.

Flowers on the patio.

          A beautiful sunset sky after a thunderstorm. I love the colors and the way the clouds are.

          The fire in the fire pit at my sister in law’s place, I think the log “ chimney” is so cool!

Suddenly It’s July

Well here we are in July already! I’m not sure how it happened so fast, it seems like it was just the end of May and poof! June is gone!

Happy Birthday, America!

This little goldfinch visited our yard one day. He sat for a few minutes on the shepherd’s hook preening, was joined by his mate, then they both flew away. I’ve been keeping my eye out, hoping they are nesting nearby and will come visit again. They’re so beautiful!

These two pictures of the setting sun were taken a couple weeks apart. It’s so hard to believe that smoke from fires so far away can be affecting us here. Some days we can even smell it! Strange times.

The Smokey sun inspired poetry.

There had been rain the night before and I was outside looking at the plants in our patio garden very early in the day. I thought the raindrops clinging to this leaf was cool so I took a picture, then changed it to black and white for the backdrop to a rhyme.

This is the same picture in color. Not sure if this is a zucchini leaf, or an eggplant leaf. The plants are doing really well this year!