TIME

 

Time has a way of getting away from us.  It’s hard to believe that:

February is gone,

It’s been 2 years since everything shut down,

2 years since I went to work,

Decades since I was born (my birthday was the end of February),

Nearly 4 decades (or 2 score) since I became a Mrs. (still am!),

 Over 3 decades since I became a mom for the first time,

 Have had some of the same friends for 40 to 50 years! 

Don’t even get me started on how quickly the weekends go, blink your eyes on Friday afternoon and suddenly Monday’s alarm clock is ringing.  It’s always shocking to me when I realize how much time goes by without realizing its happening.

               When we are young we think that we will always be so and we have all the time in the universe to do things that we like to do, until one day we wake up and realize we qualify for an AARP membership card and a discount on a meal at IHOP on Wednesday afternoons.  Seriously, did you ever go to an IHOP on the senior discount day?  My husband and I did that fairly regulary years ago when he first qualified for the discount.  We didn’t do it because of the discount, but rather because at the time we had a respite worker come to stay with our daughter for a few hours and that’s the time that she was available so we’d meet up when he got home from work around 4:00.  We were the youngest patrons there, and it reminded me of a dining room at a senior living community with men in their best shirts smelling of Old Spice aftershave walking around telling lame jokes, women with their hair freshly done twittering in response to their mate’s attempt at humor.  There’s even a special senior menu with lower prices and smaller portions.  I kid you not. We don’t do that any longer because it’s been years since we had the respite worker.  I miss regularly having a date day but don’t miss going to IHOP!

               This weekend we turn our clocks ahead an hour so we lose an hour’s sleep, of course when I was much younger and more foolish it was an hour of party time that we lost.  Haha! Those days are long gone!  I think it’s a hard thing to try and be mindful that time is going at jet speed when days can feel so endless sometimes.  We have so much to do and so little time; or so it seems.

I took a walk at the local park recently.  I can't wait until the grass is green, but it was nice to get outside on such a beautiful day.

These are the flowers my husband gave me for my birthday, a beautiful taste of spring!

My friend sent me this picture of us when my first born was only days old.  Who are those young people?

This is me at my little birthday party last month.  We had so much fun and a lot of laughs.  I think I was being a smart aleck about something in this picture. Haha!

Summer Time

In the hush of Sunday morn,

The mind is able then to roam,

Through the future, present, past,

Before the hours go so fast,

And we find ourselves at night,

Marveling at Time's swift flight.

Time has a way of passing quickly, doesn't it? Although there are weeks and days that feel longer than eternity, in the blink of an eye years go by. I've been thinking of this a lot lately as my daughters are both well into their twenties now. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were spending summer days in the back yard inflatable pool and sitting on the back steps eating watermelon? How could time have gone so fast? Those are the days I miss, the easy summer afternoons spent playing in water, swinging at the park and eating ice pops and watermelon.  Those times, those memories are, to me, better than any grand trip. Like pearls on a string the simple times that comprise our every day lives strung one by one are the most beautiful.

Ending, Beginning & Marking Time

         The end of June the school year came to a close and with it Hillary’s school career and my employment by the school district food service.  The four years we spent at the high school were by turns rewarding and maddening.  I was happy to see that time end for many reasons, exhaustion being one of them; for both myself and Hillary.  Seeing the end of predawn wakeups and bus pickups was most welcome! We celebrated graduation with a small party and moved forward.

         After spending months nudging the state along to have all paperwork done and arrangements in place by graduation, Hillary was able to begin attending a day program for medically compromised developmentally disabled adults.  The transition went really well and she is quite happy with the new situation which starts later in the morning, is shorter hours and fatigues her less as it is slower paced than school was.  I like it too as I no longer have to get up as early in order to have her ready for the bus. It was a quick turnaround for one thing to end and a new one to successfully begin.  What a blessing!

         I’m spending time this summer resting and trying and get my house and head in better order; clearing clutter and old papers, donating items, and throwing things away. Emotions go along with many of the cleaning projects I am undertaking so each day is a little bit of a roller coaster ride.  I find myself at times nostalgic, at times sad, annoyed, angry, amused and happy as I look at old notebooks, pictures and toys long ago set aside.

 I’m also trying to figure out what to do next for employment.  Although our board of education chose to hire a private company going forward to provide food services rather than keep our department going, the food service company has offered any of us who wish to continue in this profession a chance to work for them.  I’m going to have to work fewer hours than I was due to Hillary’s later and shorter schedule but current plans are for me to accept the offer.  For now, at least, and I’ll see how it goes and how I feel about it.  If I don’t like it, or for whatever reason it doesn’t work out for me then I will have to find something else.  It will give me some income as I try to figure out what else to do. So I am marking time job wise and getting used to a new rhythm to the days.

         The recent changes to my life were not as difficult as I had imagined they would be, and Hillary seems to have no ill effects from the changes for her.  It seems as if life changes don’t have to be hard if I look to the future and realize that I don’t have to figure everything out immediately.  There’s something nice about marking time.

Fast Week

Where did last week go?  Seems like I really should have had time to write a post, but obviously I didn’t!  Time just seems to keep on going by faster and faster, and I can barely think what all I did last week besides work and keep things going around here.  I know I went to writers group on Wednesday because I did the writing exercise a half hour before I had to be at the library—and I call my daughter “Last Minute Lucy” because she tends to leave homework assignments until the last minute!  I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as the saying goes.  Hmmm, let me think what else kept me going in circles.  I had some dental work done one day after work, (made less unpleasant by the humorous hygienist and dreamy dentist), I seem to remember a trip or two to the store on the way home from work, and some laundry being washed, dried and folded.  There was lunch out with my daughter squeezed in one day between work and Hillary’s bus.  Oh, and let’s not forget going out for an early dinner with my husband Friday.  Well, and there we are at the weekend already and Saturday went quickly because, well, for one thing every Saturday goes fast, and I began fighting vertigo so took it fairly easy, took a nap, read a book, did a few necessary things around the house, and watched some TV. Today I continued the fight with the vertigo (I seem to be winning!) and enjoyed some time outside in the strengthening April sun hanging up wind chimes and sipping hot cider on the patio with my husband and daughters.  The breeze was kind of cold, but it was just too irresistibly sunny and blue skied to stay indoors all day.  We dreamed aloud of the coming spring and summer’s activities with the sound of the wind chimes for a soundtrack while we munched on some doughnuts.  Homemade macaroni cheese and sautéed cauliflower ended our Sunday afternoon, and now it’s time to get back into the work week mindset!  As the song says, “Time keeps on slippin’ slippin’ slippin’ into the future………”

Time Passing

For my first post of 2012, I went back to a journal from 1980 and pulled out a poem which I feel reflects the season.  I hope you enjoy it!

WATERS OF TIME

As present flows
Into future and past
I often wonder just
How much of this will last
For me to hold onto.
Memories last, yet fade away
Into the setting sun
That is yesterday.
The waters of time, rapidly running,
Cascading through our lives
Erode away the details; smoothing
The roughness of Pain's edges
And brightness of color
Leaving washed out paleness
To be uncovered by another.

I find this still relevant, although in a different way from 32 years ago.  I'm still the same person inside, many likes and dislikes remain unchanged in spite of how my life did. I still love pizza, and reading.  Still the scent of jasmine tea and how the smell of the library pleases and comforts me.  I still don't enjoy being too hot in the summer or sleeping with the room too warm in the winter.  Autumn is still my favorite season in spite (or perhaps because) of its melancholy feel.  Obviously I still enjoy writing about my life, my moods, my thoughts. 

My parents have passed, I've married, had children, and had a few different jobs since that poem was written.  I've met people I never imagined, done things I never expected to do when my young self imagined what the future would hold.

The year that just passed was eventful, sad, joyful, and frustrating.  I expect the year ahead to hold the same, but hopefully the joyful will dominate--at least in my memory when it's time to look back once more 12 months from now.

Happy New Year!