A Bit Squirrely

Every now and then we get writing prompt that turns into something fairly amusing as well as spawning some general light-hearted discussion.  What follows is just such a prompt and resulting extra short story.

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“After a long night out, you return to your house to find that every picture and painting in your house can speak to you.  What do the characters in the artwork and photographs say?  Write a conversation between you and one of them, or a conversation between two of them, in 500 words or less.”
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            “Is that what you wore?”  The high pitched scratchy voice asked from behind me as I shed my coat and purse.  I looked around and shook my head and muttered, “Wow, I really must be tired, now I’m hearing voices.”

            “I don’t like that shirt.” Once again I heard the little voice, but this time to my right.   Looking around I said, “What’s wrong with this shirt?”  I glanced down at my pink geometric print blouse as I did a slow pirouette in the middle of the room.

            “It’s not a nice color, for one thing, and what’s with the sleeves?” trying to pinpoint the speaker I answered, “I love this color and these sleeves are the latest fashion.”  As I scanned the room while defending my choice of apparel, I caught some movement in one of the pictures.  The squeaky-scratch retorted, “Well, I wouldn’t wear it, I prefer a nice gray fur when going out.  And speaking of going out, if you’re staying out this late for heaven’s sake turn the ringer off on the phone or have your calls forwarded to your cell.  That thing’s been ringing all night long!”

            I stood there staring at the picture for a minute before saying, “Well Sorry, but I never imagined you would be bothered by the noise, or by my choice of clothes.  You know, because you’re a picture—of a squirrel, and you can’t talk?!”  The clock chimed three as I turned off the light and headed to the bedroom and heard behind me, “That’s what you think!”

            I lay down on the bed with the bizarre conversation replaying itself in my head.  I jumped up and ran back out to the picture of the squirrel peeking around a tree.  As I stood there considering possible explanations, such as exhaustion, the little mouth began to move.  “Care to reconsider your previous statement?”  I wasn’t as startled as one might think at this development and calmly answered the squirrel picture, “No, you’re still a picture of a squirrel.    I’m trying to figure out how you’re talking to me.  Am I delusional? Exhausted? Drugged? Perhaps I simply have a fertile imagination unleashed by an evening spent with artists…”

            “Can’t you just accept something at face value?  I’m a talking squirrel picture, get over it.” The squeaker continued, “We could be good friends, you know.  I won’t eat anything or make a mess and I can be really good company.”  It was four o’clock and I was dead on my feet.  “All right,” I said with a shrug,” have it your way.  I’ll see you for coffee in a few hours.”  In a smug voice my new friend wished me sweet dreams and then thankfully fell silent.

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            I think most of us can relate to the idea of a smart aleck squirrel.  I do have a picture of a squirrel peeking out from behind a tree propped on the book case in my dining room.  I always seem to be having interesting squirrel encounters and the ultimate was the year one took up residence in our attic, and once evicted spent about 3 months still trying to get in and giving me hateful looks when I went outside.  It also used to sit on the deck rail and look in our front door.  So, my good friend sent me the picture for Christmas one year, with a post it note saying “I’ve got my eye on you!!”  I found it amusing, and it tends to be a good conversation starter with guests. 

            I hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted post.  We can all use something a little bit amusing from time to time.

Shaky Tail Squirrel

We have a squirrel at our house. Well, maybe saying “a” squirrel is like saying “a” mouse--very rarely is there just one. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of the “Lone Squirrel”, have you? For the sake of this story, though, we’re going to talk about “a” squirrel, and assume it is a “him” although in truth Shaky might be a “her” or not always the same one, as there is a nest of them in the huge old tree that stands not 20 feet from my house.

Shaky got his name because I most often see him sitting on the deck rail across from my front door looking into my living room and shaking his tail. I have no proof that he is actually looking into my house, but it surely looks that way when I am sitting in the rocker and spy him there. Most likely he is looking at his reflection in the window of the door. There have been occasions, however, when he has thrown himself (o.k., jumped) against the door and clung to the screen for a minute or so before jumping down and scampering away. Trying to get in? Can he smell the peanuts my husband is snacking on? Perhaps the scent of peanuts is a kind of “squirrel nip” and makes him crazy. One summer when Anna, my oldest daughter, was about four I sent her and her friend Kevin outside with peanut butter sandwiches. They shortly came running back inside to report that as they were eating, Shaky crept over and sat under Kevin’s chair and just wouldn’t be scared away. Again, the scent of peanuts…………

In the summer, when I have my potted plants hanging from the hooks on the deck rail, Shaky likes to sit in them, hidden among the flowers and leaves. I suppose it’s a nice cool microclimate in there. Sometimes I catch one of the pots swinging when there’s no breeze. Then I know he has just vacated his hiding spot to hop across the grass and sit on one of the lower branches of the tree. He barks at me when I walk outside. Occasionally I’ll hear a “thump!” against the bay window and I’ll know that Shaky has misjudged the distance while trying to jump from the deck rail to the roof, has hit the bay window and fallen into the butterfly bush. Crazy squirrel.

In late August and until I take the potted plants down, Shaky spends lots of time hiding acorns in the plants. I wonder if he finds them once we stack the pots next to the shed out back for the winter? Once we put the jack - o - lanterns out for Halloween, Shaky has something new to eat and play with. He gnaws at poor Jack - O’s face and hat, and flips the hat around. I suspect he also climbs inside and sits there inhaling the scent of fresh pumpkin, although I have never actually caught him doing so.

One year I planted approximately 100 flower bulbs in the fall, hoping for a beautiful display in spring. Wouldn’t you know it, Shaky dug them all up--probably grateful for the free feast. Only a few tulips emerged in the spring. I don’t plant bulbs any more…..

My father had a running fight going with the squirrels for years. He would put baffles on the bird feeders in an effort to keep the squirrels away, but they would either jump down from the roof or trees, or find a way to climb up the pole and over the baffle. They would even chew on the plastic baffle until enough of the edge was eroded away that they could manage to climb over it if they tipped it. My father tried greasing the poles, using metal baffles, shooting them with a water gun, sprinkling the bird seed with cayenne pepper at the suggestion of my mother, and even giving them their own feeder stocked with corn cobs. Despite all of his best efforts, my father never managed to discourage the squirrels from eating at the bird feeder.

My next door neighbor dislikes squirrels so much that he put out a humane trap in an effort to relocate them. When his oldest daughter was in her early teens she would free any squirrel that ended upside the trap. If, by chance, any were still in there when he came home, he would take them to the other side of the lake and free them (well, that’s what he told us he did. How true it is I cannot say….). The population never diminished and I believe the trap is buried under other unused items in the back corner of his shed.

In the winter Shaky can be found scampering through the snow, or sitting on the fence post with his tail curled over his back against the weather. On sunny days he can be found sitting on the deck rail, shaking his tail and looking into my living room………