Gifts

          We’ve just experienced the time of year we typically think about gifts.  Gifts we have to give, gifts we receive, ones we like, and ones we don’t.  It’s nice to give and receive a gift, but what about the ones we give each other that aren’t tangible?  Such as the feeling we give someone, or someone gives us or wisdom we receive from someone older or more experienced than we are.  Some of those aren’t noticeable until years later, such as the gifts our parents give us over the course of our lives.

          My parents gave me many gifts throughout my life. They gave me the gift of being safe and cared for.  I had a happy childhood filled with laughter and family.  There were 6 of us in the tiny house we lived in, and we learned how to share and get along.  My parents gave us a stable home life, a refuge to return to when school and later work was too stressful.  My parents gave me the love of reading.  The newspaper, magazines, and books were read daily in our house. I have fond memories of my younger brother and I snuggled up with our mother while she read stories to us, and my father reading me fairy tales and doing the voices of the different characters.  Little Red Riding Hood was one of my favorites to read with Dad as he did a great Big Bad Wolf voice.  My love of mysteries comes from reading the mysteries my father enjoyed once I was a little older.  I cannot imagine any greater gifts than the ones my parents gave me.

          The gift of friendship is important for getting through life; as important as family.  In fact, many people have friends with whom they feel a closer bond than with blood relatives.  We choose our friends, and this is maybe why we can form such strong bonds.  We form friendships usually starting with a shared experience whether it is a shared love of grapes for snack in elementary school, dislike of a certain class in high school, or eating lunch at the same time at work.  Whatever brings us together, we find in each other something we like, it feels good to be together and confide in each other.  We come to count on each other to help us celebrate the joys life brings us and commiserate over the sorrows.  The gift of friendship is one of the best one person can give to another.

          Sometimes we get caught up in the stresses of trying to get the “right” gift for someone we love.  In truth, the best gift you can give someone is your time, and your attention. Presents wrapped in pretty paper with bows are nice, but probably when all is said and done what you’ll remember most are the intangibles that you have received. Whether that means memories of how someone always made you laugh, or how connected you felt to another person, good feelings are the greatest gift of all. In other words, love.

About September 14th

Today my baby turned 20.  It’s a happy day.  It’s a bittersweet day.  It’s an emotional day.  Special days are always a double edged sword where Hillary is concerned.  I’m happy she is still here on this Earth and not yet in Heaven.  Every visit with her neurologist for the past few years has started the same way—with Dr. G. sitting across from Hillary smiling, beaming, looking from her to me and saying, “Well, she’s still here.  She looks wonderful.”  Could I ask for a better doctor for my daughter?  He’s the only neurologist we’ve ever taken her to.  If you knew everything the diagnosis of Aicardi Syndrome entails you’d understand his attitude.   Most children with the syndrome don’t make it to their 20^th birthday.  Yes, I am grateful for every birthday we get to celebrate with Hillary.  Yet, it’s a difficult day for me.  First is the gift.  This is one thing that just drives home the fact that she is not like her peers.  There is not a gift that will make her smile with pleasure, except perhaps a bouquet of Mylar balloons.  I know it’s not about the gift.  I do, but she deserves gifts just as much as any other family member.  So we buy her gifts, new outfits, new shoes, lotions, and most things you would expect to purchase for a age girl she is.  Unlike her sister, who is excited by gifts and shows it, Hillary doesn’t appear to care much, except for the balloons.  So I wonder, is it about her, or about my feelings?  Is there a part of me trying to pretend she is not the way she is?  Or do I just want to do what is typical in case she truly understands so she won’t feel slighted?  Perhaps the other gifts do really make her happy, she just doesn’t or can’t show it, or perhaps I feel like her soul knows and appreciates our efforts.

She had a fun day at school.  The chorus sang happy birthday to her during class, I brought in cupcakes for her regular class and they had a little party for her after lunch.  She so much enjoys being around her peers.  She brought home a gift from her “school mom”, her aide.  It was a beautiful outfit.  Once at home, things were quiet.  We were the only two here most of the afternoon.  I gave her the balloons, which I knew would be her favorite gift and bring a smile, and we opened the card and gift she brought home.  There was an e-card from an aunt and uncle which she watched on my computer, and we went outside to wait for my husband to arrive home.  It was getting late for her, she is so tired by dinner time.  After a quick dinner we lit the candles on the cake and sang the happy birthday song.  She enjoyed looking at the candles, trying to touch them, but I am careful to hold the cake just out of her reach.  Cake and ice cream and then off to bed with her; she’ll open her gifts tomorrow.  She’ll appreciate them more when she’s not exhausted.

  I didn’t finish this post that day, so I continue it now.  Saturday we went to the mall, something Hillary enjoys.  We stopped in where her sister works to say hello.  My husband and I opened her gifts with her later in the day.  She didn’t seem impressed; in fact, she seemed a bit angry that we were blocking her toy with her gifts.  She’s a funny girl!  I’m sure she’ll enjoy watching the movies we gave her, and the sweater will keep her warm.  On Sunday, she received her sister’s gifts.  Her favorite was the pair of lined moccasins.  She smiled when they were put on her feet.  Later we took her to dinner at Cracker Barrel, where she enjoyed the double chocolate coca cola cake with vanilla ice cream for dessert.

I’d have to say that Hillary had a nice birthday.  Some things I know she liked, and some I’m not sure.  I think she knows that she is loved, and that’s the very best gift we could ever give her.  I survived without too much emotion.  On to the next emotional mine field……er, holiday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share Your Gift

It was a cold and sunny Saturday afternoon as a crowd gathered in the parking lot in front of Shop Rite. The focus of this group was a large square contraption with large bells and wires with a bench and pedals and levers. Perched on the bench behind the bells sat a man dressed completely in black save for a gold bird-like mask. As up tempo music poured out of speakers, the man began to stamp and pound on the pedals and levers, working the bells. Theatrically he engaged the audience while making music best described as haunting and medieval. The instrument he worked was a bronze carillon, usually only heard from a church tower.

As I stood there with my family watching and listening it occurred to me that there is no better way to temporarily lose oneself than to be at a performance in which the performer is enjoying what they are doing so much that they draw in the audience. This Christmas season I have been lucky enough to be seeing performers who get such joy from what they are doing that it beams into the audience, drawing in all those who are there. We went to an Advent afternoon of music at our church in the beginning of December. It just seemed to me that all those who performed were enjoying themselves and sharing that joy with all who were present. The final act was a group of adults who, because they enjoy making music, formed a “garage praise band”. The whole church rocked as they donned sombreros and treated us to their rendition of “Feliz Navidad”. If the Christmas season is about finding joy, then I have found it time after time in the past few weeks. What a wonderful gift performers give the rest of us when they are fully enjoying what they are doing and invite us to enjoy it with them.

My wish for all of you, my faithful readers, is that you find joy and pass it along in whatever way you are talented. Whether your talent is music, cooking, hugging, or just listening I urge you to share the gift that God has given you. In doing so, may you find the joy of Christmas in your heart. Merry Christmas!