Change

And then she laughs,

It's what she does,

She laughs at the thought

Of all that was.

And then she cries,

Like she can't stop,

She cries at how she 

Came to this spot.

And then she smiles,

And lifts her eyes,

She smiles at the things

Life makes her try.

And then she sleeps,

And then she dreams

Of who she is, who she was

And who she seems.


"Don't ever change" and "Stay the way you are" are phrases written in probably every high school yearbook.  When we are graduating from high school we cannot imagine what will happen in our future.  It is a little scary and a lot exciting but we want to think that those happy fun times will continue forever.  We don't want things to change, and we want our friends and relationships to always be how we know them at that moment.


Life brings changes.  It's how we grow.  We don't always like what happens in our lives, sometimes we out and out hate what happens.  Loved ones pass away, or go out of our lives; sometimes they go for a while, and sometimes permanently.  Jobs, where we live, what we have and what we enjoy don't always stay the same. We can make that choice, or it can be made for us against our wishes.  But we must accept this thing called change.  Without change, how would we feel alive?  How would we know what happiness is if there is never sadness?  Resisting change in our lives is a futile endeavor but we do it any way because the familiar, even if it isn't good for us, is comfortable.  We know what it is and how to react to it; how to be ok with it even if it's not the best thing for us.  I can see some changes coming this year and they'll ultimately be for the better, but in some ways oh so difficult to get used to.  Time will move forward, and I will grow in the process of change.  It's what makes me who I am at this juncture of life.  We are always becoming someone new, dreaming of who we would like to be one day, and wondering who people think we are.  If we didn't care just a little bit about how others see us, would we change?  Would we grow? I don't think so because if we didn't care what our parents thought of us when we were growing up we'd be out of control as adults.  So we change to please them, we stop sneaking cookies before dinner, we keep our faces clean, we dress up for occasions which demand it and in the end we like these changes and adopt them as our own habits. In that way changing ourselves to suit others teaches us how to live in a society successfully.  So, too, the changes that come as we are adults keep us moving mostly forward toward whatever lies in store.


So maybe instead of writing "don't ever change" and "stay the same" we should be telling each other to "grow as much as you can", and "be happy with who you are". Embrace changes, become who ever you do and love that person.

Running Into Adulthood

Some people run into adult hood with abandon, arms wide open, figuring things out as they go, delighting in each new discovery, trial, and triumph; never looking back except to wave good-bye to childhood.  Then there are those who are dragged by the ankles, kicking and screaming into maturity, fearing the unknown; looking back at the safety of childhood and longing to stay there forever.

I took the former attitude when I was young.  I was delighted to be out on my own.  My mother was very unhappy that I moved out, but having my own apartment with my friend, filling it with second hand furniture and dishes, unmatched towels, living on pizza and donuts—now that felt like living!  I had no idea about checking accounts, budgets, laundry, or anything related to being an adult, but I learned as I went, worked extra shifts to have enough money to pay bills and have fun, and occasionally had to wash clothes in the kitchen sink.  I didn’t care, life was good, life was fun and I survived!  Eventually my mother got over it and would send me back to my apartment after visiting with clean clothes and enough leftovers to keep hunger away for a week or so.  It’s a time I look back on with much fondness.  I’m so glad I had the opportunity to experience living on my own and taking care of myself.  Honing my ability to think on my feet and survive was great preparation for the twists and turns my life has taken since I was that crazy 19 year old striking out on my own.