Happy Birthday, Joan!

 There are some days we remember for no apparent reason. It could be a random encounter with someone where nothing very important happened but it sticks in our mind for some reason, such as the day I was standing in the ketchup aisle at the supermarket and a man I didn’t know engaged me in a conversation about meatloaf recipes and a dinner party he was hosting. It has no significance to me yet I remember it anyway. There is the day my daughter and I were shopping at a department store and I was mistaken for someone named Dot. There we were, looking at the costume jewelry display when a random woman said to me, “I thought you were my friend Dot, but she uses a cane and you don’t so you’re not her.” Then she walked away. We still laugh about that. Then there are days that had some significance at some point in our lives that we still remember long after they mean something to us. Like June 3rd, my childhood friend Joan’s birthday.

Joan and I met in the first grade and to be honest, I was a little afraid of her. She was a tomboy, loud, direct, and bold. She’d just ask you a question if she wanted to know something about you and you answered if for no other reason than you wanted her to move on to someone else. I was more timid, less sure of myself and I felt intimidated yet I liked her. She lived within walking distance, maybe 1/2 mile away if you cut through the school fields. We lived in an old cottage type house and she lived in a split level ranch in “the development” as we referred to those houses. That whole neighborhood and the elementary school used to be farmland. When I was very young my 2 older brothers and I used to walk across the street and watch the cows in the fields. I don’t actually remember that but was told by my mother. I was perhaps 4 when the school was built, and the houses as well I imagine. Joan and I remained good friends through graduation from high school.  We played together in elementary school, and in our tween years in middle school, when I was being bullied, she was supportive and protective of me to the point of fighting in my place when bullies ganged up on me, telling me to go home with 2 of our other friend group while she took care of things. For my 14th birthday she somehow talked my parents into letting her give me a puppy, which was my heart’s desire.  In high school we remained friends and added some new friends to our circle, one of whom, Cathy, I am still close to today even though physical distance separates us. Hanging out at Joan’s house listening to music and talking about life and goofing around took the place of sleepovers and late night tv movies once we were in our mid to late teens. Boyfriends and proms were all experiences we shared, culminating in graduation. Somehow after graduation we lost touch, and briefly communicated when email first became a thing nearly everyone did. We even had a reunion of our little trio, Joan and Cathy and me for an afternoon at my house. That was about 35 years ago, and we haven’t been in touch with Joan since. People do come and go throughout our lives, it’s just how it is. No animosity, fond memories, but we grow apart, our lives take different paths.

I don’t know why I always remember Joan’s birthday but I do. Every year I wish her a happy birthday. So, Happy Birthday Joan! Wherever you are.

Mothers Day 2025

 

I hear her in the birdsong

And the rustling of the leaves,

The tinkling of a windchime,

In the whispering of a breeze.

 

I see her in the flowers

Yellow faces in the sun,

Red petals of the tulips

That grow gracefully one by one.

 

I smell her in the perfume

Of a balmy summer day

In the scent of fresh washed laundry,

In fresh-baked bread always.

 

I feel her in the stitches

Of the mittens she once knit

With the warmth of loving fingers

In each and every stitch.

 

She is around me always,

(We can’t truly be apart),

Though she now resides in Heaven

She’s in my mind and in my heart.  

My first Mother’s Day as a new mother was in 1990, just about 6 weeks before my first baby’s first birthday.  I don’t really remember much about it, I’m sure we celebrated it with my mother and the rest of the family, my 3 brothers and my younger brother’s wife who is and has always been more like a sister to me as they became a couple in their early teen years while I was in my very late teens. At any rate, we would have all gathered at either my parents’  or brother’s house, bringing flowers to honor Mom and probably a potluck meal as we were not a family that went out for dinner much.  As we all aged and had more children we still gathered with Mom at the center of Mother’s Day although we rotated houses between me and my younger brother. I hope Mom felt the love we all held (and still hold) for her as we talked and laughed about nothing and everything as was, and still is, our custom when we gather together, although Mom has been gone for 20 years now. Things did change after she left us in that we no longer all get together on Mother’s Day but celebrate with our own children. Last year was difficult because it was the first year without our youngest, Hillary, and my husband and I started the day by going to church, then to the cemetery where she rests, then home to relax until our remaining daughter and her fiancée came over.  While the men went outside to plant some flowers for me, my daughter and I made door wreaths together, and we had a wonderful time. We went out for dinner at an Italian restaurant of my choice and to be honest, it wasn’t very good.  The service was slow and the food not the way it was described on the menu.  We came home and had some delicious ice cream, so the meal wasn’t a total loss.  We haven’t gone back to the restaurant since. This year will be different, as we are looking forward to the birth of our first grandchild in June.  It will be a much happier day and next year there will be 2 mothers to celebrate—me and my daughter. In my daughter’s face I see the echoes of the line of mothers she comes from, and I will see those same echoes in her child’s face because we carry a bit of every one of our ancestors, whether it’s the shape of our nose, our talent in music, or our love of gardening. When I look at myself I see my mother’s cheeks, and I have the love of writing my maternal grandmother had. My daughter has the musical talent my mother had, and the stubbornness that I exhibit from time to time.  I wonder what echoes her daughter will have, and look forward to finding out, one Mother’s Day celebration at a time.

              My daughter and me last year with the door wreaths we crafted together on Mother’s Day.

                 Me and my daughters many years ago on vacation in Alexandria Bay, New York.

                 Me and my daughter at her baby shower. My baby is having a baby!

 

Synchronicity

 

Note: This picture and poem don’t really have anything to do with synchronicity. Also, I struggled with this subject and am not sure I “got” it but thought I would share it anyway.

            What is synchronicity? I have heard the word, but never really thought about its meaning, or if it was much of a factor in my life until it was a subject suggested by a friend in a writers group. I looked it up numerous times, discussed it with friends and spent lots of time considering where it fit in my life.

            I first thought of synchronicity as it might be seen around me. The way a flock of birds rise as one from treetops forming a black swirling cloud headed first one way then suddenly turning in unison to soar in another direction in perfect synchronicity. Next I thought about dancers, like the Rockettes all kicking as one in a dance routine. Then I considered a less formal way to see synchronicity in daily life. Driving down the highway for any distance you might notice that there are other drivers taking part in an impromptu ballet of passing each other, falling back, then passing each other again, changing positions for miles all heading in the same direction and sometimes stuck in a traffic jam together. Many times this happens for commuters who each leave their home at the same time every day to form a kind of team of strangers all headed in the same direction.  You might even count on these teammates to let you know by their presence that you’re running right on schedule.

            Finally I considered where I could identify synchronicity in a more personal way.  Sometimes it is the sale on an item I need to purchase which saves me money, such as soap or coffee. There’s the synchronous way holiday meals come together as well as the ensuing clean up, my sister-in-law, daughter and niece each moving in harmony to make things nice for all.  By far my favorite bit of synchronicity is when I am thinking about a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while and later that day she contacts me. It is as if we are somehow on the same wavelength.

            Synchronicity is all around us, and one of life’s wonders. I never really thought much about it, but now I look for it. Somehow I am reassured to realize that we are all connected in some harmonious way.

For Love

 Here we are already in February, the month when we celebrate love, and time is flying by because life is full of things to do, places to go and people to see. It is mind boggling when I take a moment to reflect and look at the year just past with the perspective that the passage of time allows. We have been without our sweet princess for a little over a year now. We still miss her every single day. When I think about everything we did to make sure she had as good a life as possible I don’t know how we did it sometimes. There were hard things to do, everything from running from doctor to doctor, fighting with insurance to get the things she needed to remain healthy and participate as fully as possible in life to figuring out what she was trying to tell us in her non verbal unique way. There were also wonderful things, like seeing her joy at bubbles floating by outside on a sunny summer day, her happiness at watching her favorite cartoon and how she enjoyed being at a party surrounded by friends. I wonder sometimes how we did it, but the answer that comes to me that we did it all for love. She was loved in this world. When there is great love there is great determination to make things joyful and as comfortable as possible for those important to us. Love is a great motivator, it can spur us to work through difficult things, compromise, and push through obstacles once thought to be insurmountable; in the end we can look back and see that we not only survived, we thrived. We did it all for love.

Elusive Celestial Events

 This year there have been celestial events seemingly in abundance. The tv meteorologists and social media have been busy letting us know when and where we can witness these amazing feats of nature. It started with all the hype about the solar eclipse in April. There have been super moons, something I never heard of when I was a kid, meteor showers, a comet, and of course the most spectacular northern lights.  I have witnessed only the eclipse and the super moon which seems to happen every few months when we are told the moon will be closer than it will be for X number of years. Seems pretty frequent to me, but then I’m not keeping track. So, when they began talking about how those of us south of the usual aurora borealis zone would be able to see them for several nights my husband and I were excited! We went outside and looked, but never saw them, in spite of seemingly everyone around us and in our town was posting pictures taken from their back yards of the beautiful light show with time stamps that showed we were outside looking at that time. Strange but true and quite frustrating! Next up was the Tsuchinshan-ATLAS comet, which “Meteor Mike”, our local tv station’s meteorologist explained where in the sky and the best viewing times we could all see it, and that it was viewable for several days in the evening. Again, we were excited! Guess what?  In spite of several attempts in different locations around town we never saw it. We weren’t alone, though. There was another man trying to see it on the last night at the same place we were. It’s good knowing we weren’t the only ones disappointed—misery loves company! Most recently it was the Orionid meteor shower. Once again, Meteor Mike explained where in the sky and when to see the event. Once again, we didn’t witness the event in spite of several attempts . There are meteor showers throughout the year so there’s a decent chance we might get to witness one at some point. Way back in the 1980’s (so long ago! lol) when Haley’s comet was viewable my husband and I went to the Jersey shore and set an alarm for 3:00 am, left our hotel and went onto the beach to view the once in a lifetime event through binoculars. It was a little unnerving being on the beach in total darkness listening to the waves but not seeing them, but we were young and adventurous and happy we were able to experience the comet hurtling through space. I think we’ll continue to try and witness the celestial events as they come to our area, and hopefully they won’t be so elusive.

                                                   Me viewing the eclipse in April, in my official eclipse viewing glasses.

                                                    The sky as the eclipse was happening. Pretty cool!

Braving the Rain

 “It’s raining, I don’t want to go, “ I told my husband. He replied, somewhat absently, “I don’t blame you,” as he scrolled through something on his phone. I took another sip of my coffee and stared out the window at the pouring rain and reflected on how often I don’t want to go places lately, and especially in the rain. I go anyway as these are things I want to do, have agreed to do with friends and relatives, and I know I will be glad to be doing whatever it is which generally involves food or at least coffee. Between the coffee and reminding myself that I would enjoy myself I found the motivation to get myself ready and go on my way.

As I drove through the rain to the mall, which was the day’s destination, I reflected how my whole life I have gone out in the rain and survived, it was not detrimental in any way to my health and wellbeing.  When I was a young child I walked to and from school and friends’ houses in the rain. All I needed was a raincoat, umbrella and perhaps galoshes or rubber shoe covers; although in my teen years sneakers were enough because one must be “cool” in the teen years. As a young child my brothers and I donned our bathing suits and ran around outside splashing in puddles on rainy summer days. In high school I was in the marching band and we marched in parades and attended football games in the rain getting soaked, but we had a lot of fun and didn’t really care that it was raining. In college I trudged across campus in the rain to attend classes and visit friends in other dorms. All my adult life I drove to work, doctor appointments, and to see family and friends in the rain, although I came to dislike going out in the rain; but it didn’t stop me and I did it without a second thought donning raincoat and umbrella for protection. Now that I’m retired I avoid going out in the rain, I find it unpleasant. I used to enjoy the sound the rain made hitting the umbrella, I used to go out for a walk in the rain. I guess as we age we change a bit and no longer enjoy some of the things we used to. Such is life.

I had a nice time at the mall, we walked and talked a little and had a leisurely lunch. My companion forgave me for my rotten mood and by the time we parted ways I was feeling much better. It was misty as I drove home, but I’m glad I braved the weather that I have survived my whole life to enjoy some time with someone I love.

Hot Summer Nights

 Recently we spent an evening with friends on their boat, motoring around the lake, dining at a lakeside restaurant and ending the evening eating cookies and brownies while watching fireworks and talking.  We were with the same group on Memorial Day weekend at another couple’s house talking and laughing over good food on their deck and later around the kitchen table sharing treats and stories. It got me to remembering the hot summer nights of my younger adult/late teenage years spending time with a group of friends talking and laughing, especially ones in my early twenties when I was working the graveyard shift at a 24 hour donut shop chain.

It was the early 1980’s, a time when there weren’t many places open all night in our rural area, and convenience stores were few and far between. Summer nights were especially lively. There were plenty of bars and they closed around 2:00 a.m. which is when my donut shop got a rush of drunken, mostly happy customers looking to sober up a bit over coffee and donuts. There were some locals who walked down to the shop after the local go-go bar closed, I believe they were also high. One night they ordered some chicken noodle soup and giggled as they poured some noodles on each other’s hands. They were always entertaining and kept to themselves. They didn’t make too much of a mess so we didn’t pay too much attention to them—they were harmless. There were times, though when a more rowdy crowd rolled in and we had to keep an eye on them in case we needed to call the police to handle them, at which time it seemed like every police car from our town, neighboring towns and the state police showed up. There was one hot summer night, I think it was a Saturday night that we were especially busy once the area bars closed. The counter seats were all taken, and a couple groups were hanging out in the parking lot goofing around, laughing, and eating donuts. It was noisy inside and hot because of course the air conditioning couldn’t keep up with the sticky humid air. A small group of guys and girls came in, one of the girls ordered a hot tea and went on to the ladies room while the rest of her group waited for their orders to be filled. Upon exiting the ladies room the girl grabbed her paper cup of tea from the counter, took the lid off, dumped the scalding hot brew down the back of another girl in the group and walked out. Mayhem ensued with screaming and yelling, people rushing outside to the parking lot, and fists flying. My coworker rushed to the phone and called the local police, (this was before 911 was in place), and within minutes the parking lot held at least 8 police cars from our town, the state police, and neighboring towns. It was pretty wild. I don’t remember how many if anyone was arrested, but the crowd dispersed and the quiet of the wee hours on a summer Saturday night settled in. I will probably never forget that night, it was so crazy.

Gathering with friends on a hot summer night is probably one of life’s greatest pleasures, sharing memories and making new ones. I’m fortunate to have many such nights to remember when I’m feeling nostalgic.

The Orphan Tree

 Several years ago my sister-in-law, who is a master gardener, gave my husband a cutting from a lemon tree that she grows in a pot. She lives in the northeast and puts the tree outside in the summer and takes it into her living room for the colder months. She has grown several from cuttings and all produce a few lemons throughout the year. My husband does fairly well growing plants, houseplants as well as vegetables outside in containers on our deck in the summer. The little lemon tree he got from the master gardener has not lived up to his expectations. Let me just say that he is a kind, gentle, musical, soft spoken man, and mostly patient. His patience with the little lemon tree, however grew thin. In spite of following the advice of his sister, the tree did not flower, ever. It became infested with mites, the leaves turned yellow and fell off at an alarming rate, yet it continued to get taller. It lived, but didn’t flourish. After several years, and being de-mited, the leaves looked better, but still there were no signs of flowers and therefore no producing fruit. It was moved a few times in different parts of the living room but nothing helped, not even being in the bay window which faces west and so gets plenty of sun. So, after all those years he went to a local nursery and bought a lemon tree that was flowering and showed signs of producing fruit. It is smaller than the one in the window, but was given the place of honor and the disappointing one was put aside. Poor little tree, abandoned for a showier model.

I took to caring for the cast aside tree, and I call it the orphan tree. It sits on a small accent table in front of the window where once it had the place of honor. Next to this tree is where Hillary sat to watch tv. I put little fairy lights on it at Christmas, and she liked to look at it. The tree is still growing, and its leaves don’t fall off. It still shows no signs of flowering or producing fruit, but I like it and have no expectations of it except for it to decorate my living room. I put a ribbon bow from one of Hillary’s funeral arrangements on it, I think she would like that. She always loved seeing trees and watching the leaves flutter in the breeze when we were outside. I will still put lights on the orphan tree at Christmas, and take care of it. As for the new tree? So far it produced 3 lemons, 2 of which I used in shrimp scampi. They were very tasty.

This is the orphan tree.

                                  The tree in this picture was outside a hotel we stayed at in Tennessee.

Beautiful

 In trying to cope with our deep grief, we have been doing some traveling. We took a short road trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania first. It was a quiet trip as it was in February and the off season. Not everything was open, and there weren’t very many other tourists there. We saw many sights as we drove through Amish and Mennonite areas. Signs of a simpler way of life were there in everything from sharing the roads with horse and buggy, laundry gently swaying in lines in the breeze, to fields being plowed in the distance by horse drawn plows. There were also some beautiful sunsets, which I found soothing for my hurting heart.

Our next trip in March was to drive 1,500+ miles from New Jersey to Texas, with overnight stops in Virginia, Tennessee, and Arkansas then 8 days in Texas staying with family. We saw, along the way, the Smokey Mountains, Blue Ridge Mountains, the Mississippi River, the Cumberland Mountains, and signs of spring. We saw different varieties of trees and flowers beginning to bloom, and by the time we got to Texas most of the trees were full of leaves, quite different than the not even budding yet trees we left behind at home. I don’t think we will do such a long road trip again, as we are no longer young and 6 hours in a car 4 days in a row was rather exhausting, but we are glad we did it. If you ever get the chance to take a long road trip, I recommend doing so at least once. We saw many beautiful sights and did some interesting sight seeing while in Texas. Among other places we visited while there, such as the Ft. Worth Stockyards and the Bureau of Engraving (where paper money is printed), my favorite by far was the GW Bush Presidential Center on the campus of Southern Methodist University in Dallas. It was interesting and well put together, and whatever your politics are it is well worth checking out. One of my favorite parts was a short video the president’s daughters made about their father. They focused on his humor and it gave a good sense of what kind of person he is. It is also in a beautiful setting as the SMU campus is lovely. We also had a chance to see family we don’t see because we all live so far away, which was very nice, and comforting to our grieving souls.

Our third, and final (for a little while) road trip was to the Adirondacks in NY to visit more family and view the eclipse. There we went back a half a season as they still had quite a bit of snow on the ground when we arrived. It’s a beautiful sight to see snow covered mountains in the distance as we did driving through the Catskills on the way. While we were there the weather warmed, spring arrived and snow melted. The day of the eclipse was sunny and warm enough that we were outside on the deck all afternoon to see the spectacular sight of the moon briefly covering the sun. We had our eclipse viewing glasses and snacks. We enjoyed very much our time staying with more family, again finding solace with loved ones in a beautiful setting.

Even though I have seen many beautiful sights, I think the most beautiful thing to see is family and friends, taking care of each other. How could anything possibly be more beautiful and breathtaking than that? Love wins and it’s a beautiful thing.

Beautiful In A Terrible Way

 This year, 2024 has gotten off to a very rough start.  Our precious princess passed away on January 7th after being admitted to the hospital ICU with RSV, pneumonia, and sepsis. It is the most awful time of our lives, saying goodbye and learning to live without her.  It is a strange and empty feeling to be without someone who has been at the center of your life every day for just over 3 decades.  She was patient, and gentle while also being stubborn. She was a beautiful soul who we don't know how we will go on without in our daily lives.  That last night, as snow fell outside the hospital room, we gathered around her lying in the hospital bed as she fought for her life.  The next afternoon, as snowflakes lightly drifted down, we gathered around her as she took her final breaths in this life,  It was beautiful in the most terrible way.

It’s A Wonderful Life

 Here we are, starting a new year, 2024. The one just passed was, as always, a mixture of good things and bad things. A year where carefully made plans flew out the window to be replaced by short notice, illnesses, home improvements and social occasions. There was also some loss, close calls, confusion, and just generally all the things that lives are made up of. 2023 was fast paced, ever changing and bittersweet. I think most years are that way when we look back on them. Through it all, I try to keep my chin up and move forward. Although my heart may be heavy and fears trying to take over my thoughts, I have a determination to make it through and find something positive to focus on. I don’t always succeed, but with the help of family and friends I generally find my way through.

Also, I am thinking about things I have done differently in 2023. Here are a few of them:

— My husband and I do the grocery shopping together since he retired early in the year. I used to go alone and sometimes I still do, but us going together is now the norm.

— I eat cheese curls with a toothpick to keep my hands clean. Funny, right? I did it by accident one day, I had a toothpick holding a sandwich together and when I took it out it stuck in a cheese curl on my plate. It was a delightful revelation for me as I always ended up needing to scrub the orange dust off my fingers after indulging in those delightful crunchy salty morsels.

— I planted fewer flowers in pots last summer. It’s a lot of work and I found that I was just as happy with less, and the upkeep was less taxing.

— I stopped chasing friends. I realized that I do not have to be the planner. If friends want to get together I usually will, but I let them initiate most of the time. It’s much less frustrating to let them decide when there is time in their schedules since mine is pretty open. That’s not to say I ignore them unless they contact me, communicating is a 2 way street, after all, I just prefer for them to let me know when their schedules allow for us to meet.

— I returned to my church after many years of staying away. I was delighted and moved that I was welcomed back by many familiar faces and joined a bible study group. It’s nice chatting with different yet familiar people on a more regular basis. 

All of these things remind me that it is truly a wonderful life. I wonder what 2024 will bring?

Oh Spirit

 Where is my Christmas spirit? I wish I knew! Buried, perhaps, somewhere under all of the other feelings I have from dealing with the upsetting and life altering events of this crazy year? Well, probably. Surely it is in there, waiting to be awakened. I’m hoping it is trying to push its way to the surface, to put the light of anticipation in my eyes and heart that are usually in evidence by now. Anticipation of the beautiful decorations I will place in my house. Anticipation of the treats and gifts I will share with the ones that I love and the fun we will have together. Anticipation of the beautiful cards I will receive and send, and of the church celebration of Christ’s birth. The lovely music, and telling of stories both old and new. I know that spirit lives in me, surely I would not have hung outside Christmas lights and hung greenery on my front door, and gone shopping for some Christmas gifts if the spirit were not there. I would not have put on a Christmas tee shirt and tacky Christmas tree earrings to attend a Christmas party if it were not awakening. No, if the spirit buried in me had died I would have done none of those things. It is there, it just needs some encouragement to rise and become stronger, putting the light of anticipation of joy in my eyes and in my heart.

Constant State of Emergency

 

This has been a year when I feel that I’m nearly living in a constant state of emergency. We have had, in our house, some sort of virus affecting one of us almost every month. Add to that an accelerated date of retirement for my husband due to his job being eliminated at the beginning of the year, necessitating quickly figuring out health insurance for each of us, finances, and a huge change in routine all while dealing with illness. The washer broke and had to be replaced, the bathtub was rusting and had to be dealt with, the van needed work and our home health aide was in a motorcycle accident and is not expected to be back before October. It’s a lot of stuff to wade through, but we did it and do it because it’s just life. Through it all we try to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward. Sometimes, however, it’s tough when the world seems determined to focus on the negatives.so here are some good things that have happened. I have a brand new washer! It works really well and the man that delivered and installed it could not have been nicer, patiently explaining things and showing us how to set the controls, etc. My bathtub is now rust free and beautiful, and safer as we added safety bars. It’s such a pleasure using it! We had a man come and power wash the outside of our house, decks, and patio and seal all the wood. It looks brand new and we bought a new table and umbrella for the patio, and lovely annuals we put in pots and hanging baskets. We also have a patio garden on wheels that is yielding some zucchini, tomatoes, eggplant and peppers! The extra hot and humid sauna like weather really helped everything grow this year. The van, once repaired has been reliable and took us to visit family in another state for a few days. We had a nice visit in beautiful surroundings. We got home safely and have had some time to relax before resuming attending to the many appointments and responsibilities that are part of life.

So you see, there are many positives in life, and I try to focus on those to counter the negatives that come our way, and the ones that the news casters and social media seem to feel we need to be inundated with on a daily if not hourly basis. I wish you peace.

                                It was a steamy, cloudy morning in the mountains where we were.

   The new bathtub and safety bars.

Flowers on the patio.

          A beautiful sunset sky after a thunderstorm. I love the colors and the way the clouds are.

          The fire in the fire pit at my sister in law’s place, I think the log “ chimney” is so cool!

Suddenly It’s July

Well here we are in July already! I’m not sure how it happened so fast, it seems like it was just the end of May and poof! June is gone!

Happy Birthday, America!

This little goldfinch visited our yard one day. He sat for a few minutes on the shepherd’s hook preening, was joined by his mate, then they both flew away. I’ve been keeping my eye out, hoping they are nesting nearby and will come visit again. They’re so beautiful!

These two pictures of the setting sun were taken a couple weeks apart. It’s so hard to believe that smoke from fires so far away can be affecting us here. Some days we can even smell it! Strange times.

The Smokey sun inspired poetry.

There had been rain the night before and I was outside looking at the plants in our patio garden very early in the day. I thought the raindrops clinging to this leaf was cool so I took a picture, then changed it to black and white for the backdrop to a rhyme.

This is the same picture in color. Not sure if this is a zucchini leaf, or an eggplant leaf. The plants are doing really well this year!

 

May Thoughts 2023

    

  Lately I’ve been thinking about how a year ago I was seriously injured and out of commission for a while. It’s a weird kind of anniversary, but it was a huge learning experience. I had to learn to step back and let others take over doing most everything, including caring for my daughter. Of all the things I could not do for a few months that is the one that gave me the most stress. Thankfully my husband stepped up in a huge way, and we were able to connect with a wonderful caregiver to do the weekday morning “shift” of getting  our girl up and ready for her day habilitation program bus. I also couldn’t drive for a while so had to rely on grocery deliveries and rides to doctor and physical therapy appointments. I’ve always been an independent person and having to rely on others and accept help for everything was quite challenging at first. It helped to remind myself that just as it lifts me up to help others, they were being lifted up to be able to help me. 

     May is a month of celebration and commemoration. It is both my husband’s father’s and my mother’s birth month, Mother’s Day, my father’s death date, and Memorial Day. That is many events to reflect on and memories to go over. It can make me a little sad when I think about how I will never again share birthday cake with my father-in-law or my mother in May. Never again will I see my mother’s delight at a flower to plant in her yard or piece of jewelry to wear for her birthday or Mothers Day. Sometimes when I’m out shopping I see a blouse or necklace and think, “Mom would have liked that”. I miss picking out those birthday cards. I think about my father’s passing 3 days after my mother’s birthday, and how unexpected it was. I miss his quiet, gentle presence and dry sense of humor. I often think of him when I hear songs on the radio that we listened to together in his car when he drove me to my boyfriend’s house in high school. I remember how tenderly he held my babies and sitting on his knee as he read “The Three Billy Goats Gruff” and other fairy tales to me when I was a small child. We miss him, we miss them all.

     Memorial Day is how we end this month, and we generally mark it with the first cookout of the summer season, although it is still technically spring. We used to get together at my parents’ house every year for “burgers and dogs”. Mom made potato and macaroni salads, and we had a good time in the back yard all afternoon. Now I have a cookout at my house, with pretty much the same menu— why change a good thing? I look forward to it every year. I remember my senior year of high school and I was on the drill team with the marching band; we twirled the flags as we marched in front of the band. For Memorial Day that year instead of our usual uniforms we wore denim shorts, white tee shirts and white canvas shoes. We were very happy about that! It’s funny the things we remember.

     I hope you have a May filled with memories of good times and loved ones