Wow! December!

I wrote this post and meant to get back to it, clean it up and post it. I’m finally getting to it today. 

 

December 12, 2014

Bah! Humbug!

         Well that’s how I feel this Christmas season. Merry Christmas I hate people.  Somewhere along the way I lost my Christmas spirit.  A friend tells me I’m too nice to hate people.  So have I fooled her? We’ve known each other since we were about 5 years old.  Or am I trying to convince myself that I don’t like my fellow humans?  Probably it’s the latter and I’m trying to shield myself from any further demands on my time and energy.  After all, it’s easier to simply say I don’t like anyone than to admit to myself that I need time for me.  I’m so caught up in my to-do list that I forgot to put the most important thing on it—taking care of Sue.  It’s a mistake many of us make, I think.  We get so busy trying to do the extra things that will show others how much we wish them to be happy along with all our regular tasks that we forget to show ourselves how much we care about that for ourselves. Sometimes God has to send us gentle reminders.  I received several messages from friends asking if we can meet some evening and some Christmas cards in the mail with personal notes written inside that made me stop and think.  So now that I have realized the root of my humbug attitude I will attend to it.  I’ll continue to work on my to do list, but I’ll make sure there is time for me to do something I like each day.  I’ll meet with a friend, go to a cookie party, and make time to read and write.  After all, nobody around me is going to have a merry time if I am a Grinchy Scrooge.  Please remember to take care of yourself and make time for what keeps you feeling the Christmas spirit.

December 20, 2014

**A continuation of the theme above, again started but not finished and posted**

There are other things that help get me into the Christmas spirit.  Giving to others is one of my favorite ways, but sometimes I get so bogged down in the logistics that it becomes a chore.  I sent out several packages to relatives, and I was not sure how I could possibly get them mailed in time for a Christmas arrival.  My wonderful husband offered to help and working together one evening we got the boxes packed and ready for mailing which I did the following day after work.  It felt really good to get that done, and I like to imagine how surprised the recipients will be.  I took time out of one day to stop by Hillary’s day program for their Christmas party and was in time to see Santa come, their karaoke of holiday tunes and witness the miracle of one of the participants reciting the whole “T’was The Night Before Christmas” poem.  Many of the participants have no speech, but this woman does.  From her wheelchair she spoke with slightly slurred words the entire piece, which I have trouble remembering on a good day.  I don’t know what all her challenges are, nor her age, but it was wonderful.  The Christmas spirit began to burn in me at that party.

          I had purchased a toy to donate to the “Toys for Tots” campaign but then missed the deadline for donations.  As I was beating myself up over that I scanned Facebook absentmindedly and right there in front of me was a request from an in-town acquaintance for donations to help a local single mother with 3 small children who didn’t know she could have signed up to be included on one of our town’s “Christmas Angel” trees and so was facing Christmas with no gifts for her children and no money to purchase any.  Suddenly I felt much better about having missed that deadline. My toy was picked up the next morning to be added to the other donations for that little family. The Christmas spirit now burns warmly within me.

December 27, 2014   

         Christmas Day has come and gone and finally I’m getting around to blogging. I’m squeezing it in between catching up on laundry, cleaning, and caring for Hillary who has been ill for almost a week now with a fever, cough, and congestion.  She didn’t enjoy any of Christmas as she was feeling so ill and even now isn’t her usual self.  As luck would have it, her doctor’s office has taken a long weekend for the holiday.  I could have paged whoever is on call, or taken Hillary to the emergency room or an urgent care but we decided that we will do what we can to monitor her and keep her comfortable. She is showing signs of improvement so we are encouraged and not as worried as we were. Even with her illness hanging over us we had a lovely Christmas Day with family and have enjoyed our time off after.  Next holiday: New Year’s Eve and Day!

French Toast or Stuffing?

Tuesday Haiku

A storm is coming
Thanksgiving is coming too
French toast or stuffing?

 

Think about it.

--from 11/25/14

Two days before Thanksgiving the weather forecasters predicted a storm to hit our area the morning of the day before Thanksgiving.  Of course, since they are based in New York City, at first they said rain, possibly mixing with some wet snow with no major accumulation on the roads, some accumulation in the higher elevations well north and west of the city (us!).   I don’t know what happens where you live when a winter storm is on the way, but around here most of the population panics and runs to the supermarket to stock up on bread, milk and eggs.  I used to work at one of our local supermarkets and so I can attest to this first hand.  I do not understand this phenomenon as unless a major blizzard is expected we are really only inconvenienced for a few hours by unplowed roads, generally 18 hours at most. People stock up like they’ll be snowed in for a week at least.  So it was that I got to wondering if the stores would have enough bread to supply everyone because turkey stuffing is made with bread, a snowstorm staple it seems, and with one on the way perhaps there would be reports of a bread shortage and then people would have to choose which to have—French toast during the storm or stuffing on the big day? I watched the news anxiously the next day, and kept an eye on social media but there were no reports of a bread shortage.  Two of my relatives reported, however, that Tuesday evening there were only a couple quarts of milk left (skim, to boot!) by 7:00 and a few loaves of bread.  No report on the eggs but I’m sure there were enough to go around.  Of course if the holiday had been Easter the eggs might have been in short supply and folks would have needed to decide between coloring hard cooked eggs to color for Easter baskets and egg hunts or their snow French toast.  One of the aforementioned relatives also reported that another supermarket’s parking lot was full with cars waiting for spots to empty out.  That much business usually happens the day before a holiday as well as before a storm so I can only imagine how busy they had been all day.  I also heard anecdotally that the day before Thanksgiving, in the height of the 8” or so of heavy wet snow we received, the local supermarket was not busy at all.  See, we (around here for the most part) are wimpy in comparison with places such as Buffalo, NY where our 8” probably made them laugh because they had about 7 feet last week. Around here, it’s a big deal and I watched a town pickup with snowplow attached get stuck in the snow on my street the other day.  He finally backed down the hill to the highway and went up a street he’d already successfully cleared before making a pass down our road.  Last year two plows got stuck at the top of my street on the corner; a big snowplow was the first to get stuck and then the pickup tried to help and they were stuck facing each other a few feet apart.  That was something to see at 5:00 a.m.  They were stuck at the top of my street and I was on my phone with my husband who was stuck in his car at the other end trying to get out onto the highway to attempt his 40 plus mile commute to work.  A man who lives in the house at that end came out with a shovel and made a path for him to drive his car through the snowbank to get onto the highway.  There really was quite a lot of snow last year.  I’m hoping this year will not be quite as snowy.  Although I’m sure the grocers and suppliers of bread, milk and eggs wouldn’t mind!

Where Love Lives

Did you ever go to someone's house and just know upon walking in that this is a place where love lives? One of those houses where there's nothing fancy or terribly expensive, just comfortable furniture; a house decorated with family pictures both ancient and new, where there is a pleasant mingling of odors from food cooked, candles burned and floors mopped. It is a house where you just feel as if you are on a little vacation from your worries; you're being refreshed and all you are doing is sitting in the living room talking, and eating a bowl of canned pasta with a grilled cheese sandwich. You're in the presence of people whom you know have disagreements yet don't allow those to fester into life altering dissatisfaction with each other. Because they respect each other and care deeply for each other; each celebrating and sharing the other's uniqueness and accomplishments with the universe. I know of such a house and family. I am blessed to be related to them and they bring that feeling of peace I feel when at their home with them to mine and where ever they go. I think they would be surprised to learn all of what I've just related because they are that humble. Love lives in them, it can be seen in how they treat each other, it can be felt when they are near in how they approach life with wonder and enthusiasm. Love lives in them in such abundance that it spills over, touching whoever is near.

Halloween

It’s cider and donuts

It’s ghosts and it’s ghouls

It’s one day of the year

To be who you choose

It’s giving out candy

But snacking on more

It’s wondering who

You will find at your door

Be safe my dear friends

While you’re out trick or treating

One never knows just who

You’ll be meeting!

Happy Halloween!

 

It seems as if Halloween has become very popular, much more so than when I was a kid.  It could just be that when I was younger and when I had young children I didn’t think about how popular it was, it was just something everyone did October 31^st—wear a costume, carve a pumpkin, stuff old clothes with leaves and sit it in a chair on your porch or hang it from a tree limb.  We used to put up paper decorations of witches and black cats and spooky ghosts.  My brothers and I went house to house in our neighborhood saying “trick or treat” and collecting candy from the neighbors.  It was fun, it was exciting and of course the candy was the best part!  When my girls were young there were school parades and parties, and the stress of knowing that while we were out walking the neighborhood there was nobody to give out the candy at home.  Somehow it all worked out, and we’d have cider and donuts after.  When I worked at the elementary school kitchen it was fun to stay after my work hours to see the kids parading in their costumes, and the costumes the teachers wore. I have a collection of tacky Halloween earrings from that time.  It’s not so easy to be in costume while you’re preparing and serving a hundred plus meals.  Our high school doesn’t allow the students to dress up for Halloween during school hours.  It seems sad somehow because in my high school yearbook there are pictures of the seniors wearing costumes to school and some of them were really great!  We don’t get many trick or treaters anymore. I guess our neighborhood doesn’t have that many young families anymore, and the town has started having a Halloween party in the evening for the kids.  I guess it keeps them safer and out of trouble but it seems odd without lots of kids knocking on the door seeking candy. Perhaps it has something to do with our area—steep hills, narrow roads and no sidewalks. Halloween is a strange holiday and the most frightening thing about it is that before we finish that candy we’ll be planning Thanksgiving dinner and thinking about Christmas!

The Weight of What Isn't

  

         Sometimes I feel the weight of what isn’t.  It lies heavily on my heart. Mostly I focus on the positives about my life.  There are times, though, that it’s hard to find an uplifting view. Because the one thing I struggle with always is living a normal life; and my life isn’t.  Once a special needs child is born into your family your life may never feel normal. No matter how typical you try to be the fact is that things will always be different.  You’ll take vacations, attend family celebrations, go to school and sport activities, and attend town events. You’ll do all the things that families without special needs kids do, but it will be harder and it will feel abnormal.  We all experience things in unique ways, but your experience will be so unique as to be a completely different experience. Case in point: watching a parade. I constantly have to ask people not to stand in front of my daughter in her wheelchair thus blocking her view.  I used to enjoy a parade.  Now I dread attending a parade, which is a shame since my husband is a member of a pipes and drum band and marches numerous times a year. I see people all around me enjoying the spectacle, waving to friends and family marching, applauding and watching while I’m either trying to navigate my way through the crowd with the wheelchair or keeping my daughter’s line of sight clear. Perhaps what is most bothersome to me is how unlike everyone else I feel at those times.

         The weight of what isn’t is isolating if allowed to grow unchecked.  What helps me is regularly having some time to look forward to where I am not primarily known for being mother to a child with special needs.  A part time job, occasional visits with a lifelong friend, and joining a writers club are  ways I found to allow me to be Sue first, and that special needs mother second.  It’s important not to forget who we are, and who we were, to be the best parent possible.  Being known as a good worker, an aspiring writer, and a good friend ultimately help me to be the parent I need to be.