How You Bean?

Summer Lament

August went by in a haze
Of hazy, hot, and humid days,
We say goodbye to a month
Some folks love, some not so much,
Time has flown since it was June
Vacations seem to end too soon.
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Thought Drops

Cool and rainy Sunday morning,
Sleepy thoughts and coffee’s warming,
Bleary eyes blink and clear,
Nostalgic thoughts bring a tear,
Time moves forward, sure and steady,
Regardless of if we are ready.
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Recently my friend and former neighbor lost her son under tragic circumstances. I never imagined getting the phone call from her that she never imagined she would have to make telling me that the little boy who was my oldest daughter's first playmate, who I took care of, who ate all my M&M's if I forgot to put them away, who grew to be a kind young man, was gone.  I cannot begin to imagine her pain although I have been witness to far too many friends who have had to say a final goodbye to their children and learn to carry the weight of that pain with them for the rest of their lives. It appears to me to be a breathtaking pain, palpable in its intensity, and mindblowingly terrible.  How could it be otherwise?  I have sat countless times holding a friend's hand, passing tissues, speaking the child's name, telling stories of their life, all the while tears flowing like a river down our faces trying to remember everything about the precious life which ended too soon.  This friend lives far away now, so we cried on the phone together when she called to tell the news, me wishing I could be there with her to help her learn to breathe again.

Let me tell you some of my memories of Kevin.  He was a quiet, sweet and sensitive baby, startled easily by my louder daughter who was prone to looking at him and yelling, then looking soberly at him when he cried, as if to say "why are you crying?".  As they grew, he became the inquisitive boy who took toys apart to see how they worked, and the typical boy who climbed and jumped down from too high places, swam like a fish, and loved to run.  He was smart, and funny, and polite, and just an all around "good egg".  My favorite thing about him was his sense of humor and how early in his life he understood jokes and plays on words.  One of his favorite jokes was, when asked, "how you been?", he'd answer, "I bean green, how about you?" and laugh.  I cannot open a can of green beans without thinking of him.  Also, when I have M&M's candies I can picture him as a toddler eating them, one after another out of a dispenser we had which was shaped like a large red M&M that if you pushed the raised arm down dispensed a few candies at a time into your waiting hand.  I'm not sure if it was the dispenser he liked so much or the candies--probably both.  There are pictures to look at to jog my memory, the little suit for Easter that he hated wearing, Halloween costumes he and my daughter wore as they trick or treated together, his mother and I hanging back as they knocked on neighborhood doors lisping out "trick or treat!".  There are pictures of Christmas pageants and parties, egg coloring for Easter, a Santa Train ride, birthday parties, and pictures with melting  popsicles running down their sticky faces and hands in summer.  There are so many precious memories of a dear young life for us to look back on as we  try to imagine a future which will never happen.

I cannot fathom why people must die at a young age, I'm not sure anyone can, really.  All I can do is be there when a friend needs me, and make sure that memories of a young life don't fade away.

Gentle Soul

Sweet gentle soul gone way too soon,
Tell me can you see the moon?
Are you a star shining bright
Chasing 'way the darkest night?
We feel you with us as we trudge along,
Angel wings enfold us when we're not strong.