Thanksgiving

   

     Thanksgiving is a time of family and feasting. I host the day for my brothers and their families at my house. This year I made three desserts, apple pie, pumpkin pie, and a custard called “Spanish Cream Supreme. It was the last one I made the evening before Thanksgiving. I had the bright idea to snap a picture of my desserts together for Instagram. I arranged them for the picture and before I could snap the photo the apple pie started sliding off the edge of the counter. With quick reflexes I reached my hand out to catch it and stuck my hand right into it. It doesn’t look too bad, and I’m glad I was able to stop it because I used all the apples I had on hand to make it. We couldn’t  have Thanksgiving without apple pie!  It simply isn’t done in my family.
     This year wasn’t the first time I had a pie mishap. One year a juice glass fell out of the cupboard above where the pumpkin pie was cooling and fell right into the middle of it. On Thanksgiving I filled the hole with whipped cream before serving. No one would have known but of course I told them. We might as well all laugh together over dessert!
     In between our meal and dessert, we sit around the table talking and picking at the remnants, another spoonful of stuffing, or a little more of the sweet potato casserole; or maybe another roll topped with butter  and cranberry sauce keeps the conversation going. This year we were looking at old pictures that my cousin sent me the previous weekend. She had been sorting through some things for her grandmother, my aunt, and thought I might like them. There was one of our family, our mother, father, the family dog, all of my brothers, my sister in law, and my husband. It made for some lively chatter and laughter as well as some good-natured disagreement about the year and event where it was taken. It also gave rise to speculation as to what my father said just prior to the picture being taken. The most interesting part of it was my father, the smirk on his face and the way some of us were turned toward him obviously giggling and snickering all point toward him probably having made a comment about another relative, perhaps the one with the camera. It’s likely the shot was from a yearly family reunion at my parents’ house. Whatever it was, the photo brought back some good memories for us all, and our children (the youngest is 16) got to hear some stories about their grandparents and parents, aunts and uncles.

     I'm happy I have a good relationship with my brothers and their families.  I think the holidays would be no fun if we didn't get along.  Thanksgiving was wonderful, I hope it was for you as well.  On now to the next major holiday: Christmas!

This is the picture I described.  I am turned toward my father, on the end.

Warning Lights

          When I bought my first car, way back in the 1970’s, my father tried to teach me some basics of car care-- tire changing, checking fluid levels, and how to use jumper cables. I retained none of that information, but I love that Dad tried.  Something I do remember is what he called those warning lights on the dashboard.  He called them “idiot lights”, a term that now would be offensive to many, but he meant that if you can drive the car you should know when your oil and brake fluid are low because you should be checking them regularly.  Well, let’s not dwell on that! 

What I would like to talk about today is those warning, or “idiot” lights.  I think we have more of them on today’s vehicles, and there are actual words that come on as well.  Our cars now contain little computers that can tell us what needs looking at or fixing.  My van loves to communicate with me.  It does helpful things when I’m driving such as flash the low tire light with a warning “ding” while I’m miles from home, then another “ding” and the little picture of what I assume is an engine appears.  This prompts me to turn off the radio and listen to the sound of the tires on the road and the engine as I continue on through traffic in the left lane trying to assess, by sound, if I need to pull over somehow, somewhere, or if it can wait until I reach my destination.  Generally I turn the radio back on and continue driving. After parking, I do the old poke the tires with your thumb test to see if one of the tires is soft, and sniff all around the vehicle to see if anything seems to be burning.  Once I’ve decided that my van knows nothing and is fine I call my husband to tell him about the warnings and proceed with my errand and repeat the process before starting it back up for my return trip home, minus calling my husband. It has, in my mind, become his problem to solve.

          Other times, my van calls me “Gas Cap”.  I thought at first it was motor vehicle speak for “Fool”, but since removing the gas cap and tightening it didn’t solve the problem, I decided that it was a term of endearment, much like calling someone “Sweetie Pie” so now I don’t mind when it does that.  Most recently it is flashing the “change oil” words at me when I start it up, even though according to the sticker the nice people who changed the oil put there it isn’t due for a few hundred miles.  I think my van just wants some attention because it’s jealous of my husbands’ vehicle having been to the garage 3 times in the past month, like the sibling who sees another child getting attention when they’re sick and suddenly develops a “boo boo” that needs a band aid and a hug from Mom  or Dad.

Those warning lights on our vehicles are a handy way for us to know when they need to be checked out by a professional.  They can also be annoying when the reason they light up is because a sensor is sending a signal to the onboard computer, but the sensor is bad and nothing is actually wrong.  My father would be amazed at the array of warning lights on the modern dashboard, and shocked at the cost of having them checked out at a garage.  As for me, they are a source of entertainment.

More Spookiness

Animals sometimes act in peculiar ways. Cats, squirrels, and birds often give me reason to consider how odd they can be.  They don’t always seem like just dumb animals, they can seem to know more than they are given credit for.

Our neighbors across the street have a black and white cat. For about six months that cat sat on the corner of our deck rail outside the front door looking in at us most evenings.  If we went to the door and said, “Hi Kitty!, it looked us in the eye and blinked, its large round eyes seeming full of knowledge,  and continued to sit there. We found that interesting and just a tiny bit disturbing. Some mornings I’d look out the window and there Kitty would be perched on the hood or roof of my daughter’s car looking at our house. Every now and then I’d come home and find the cat curled up on the grill on the deck looking around.  Occasionally it would be lying in one of our deck chairs keeping an eye on things. If I approached, it blinked at me a couple times before getting up and scurrying away.  It doesn’t come over here as much anymore, but we see it sitting at the end of their driveway looking up and down the street, as you might see an old man do.

We have squirrels that climb up the screen on one of the windows to get to the roof with a lot of noise as their claws try to get a grip when they scrabble up the window. Sometimes they come and sit on the same deck rail the cat sat on looking in the front door at us.  This was especially true following our evicting a squirrel who chewed through a roof vent and screen to take up residence in the attic. The creature sat on its perch, staring, shaking its tail, chittering and hissing until it finally gave up and scurried away.  During one rain storm it sat, tail curled up over its head in the deluge staring at the front door crying.  I admit, it made me feel a little bad but there are plenty of trees around where it could have taken shelter. It was weird.

We have birds who occasionally try to build a nest under the eaves above the front window and while attempting the impossible repeatedly fly into the window with a loud “thunk!”  There are times when a small bird, like a sparrow, lands on the deck rail across from the front door and appears to be looking in, and occasionally lights upon the screen in the door for a few seconds before flitting away.  Sometimes a flock of grackles descends on the yard, perching in trees and landing on the grass searching for insects.  They are noisy and there can be so many that the yard is black with them before they take off as one and land in the next yard.  It’s a little unnerving how they do that, more so since I repeatedly watched “The Birds” by Alfred Hitchcock when I was a kid.  It scared me every time, but having 3 brothers I didn’t want to be a “scaredy cat” so I bravely watched it with them.  I haven’t watched that movie in years, but if I did I’m sure it would give me bad dreams

I don’t know what makes animals act in such mysterious ways.  Could it be they are reincarnations of people we have known?  Probably it’s just one of the peculiarities of nature.  Of course, you never know.

Curious Things

October is the month where curious, spooky events are in the forefront with images of witches, ghosts, and ghoulish things everywhere; and scary movies are a staple during the Halloween season. With this in mind, I’ve been thinking of a few things that happened which make me wonder what mysterious forces are at work around me.

One day I was humming a song as I did chores and decided to turn on the radio. The song that I was humming came on and at the exact spot in it where I was. How did that happen? I would say it was coincidence if it was just the same song, but in the very place in the song that I was humming? That seems a little spooky to me.  There are times when I’m thinking of a friend and in a few hours that friend calls or sends me a text, or a letter arrives in the mail from them. It has happened with a couple of different friends. Do I have ESP? Do they? That’s a curious thing.

Another example of inexplicable occurrences is around the time my mother passed away; my daughter’s school speech therapist and teacher were working with her to create a self- portrait. My daughter is unable to speak, and they asked her to make choices as to hair and eye color, hair length, etc. from a menu of pictures. When they sent the project home, it didn’t look like my daughter at all, it looked like my mother. None of the staff had ever met nor seen a picture of my mother. My daughter has hazel eyes, long brown hair and wears no jewelry at all, ever, and yet her self- portrait has blue eyes, short gray hair and earrings. It hangs in her room where I see it every day and wonder how that happened. It seems a little freaky to me. On the subject of people who are deceased, there is a thought provoking set of incidents involving both of my nieces. One is my oldest brother’s daughter, one my youngest brother’s, born about 6 months apart. When they were about 3 years old, each one, independent of the other knew who my deceased grandfather was the first time they saw his picture. Each pointed to him and said “Papa”, which is what we called him. They had no way of knowing that at such a young age.  Another example of odd events with those who are no longer with us, my father in law passed away on the day after Christmas the same year my youngest was born.  On that night, I was, as usual, the last person to bed. I turned off all the lights including the Christmas tree before retiring. I was the first one up the next morning and the Christmas tree lights were on. No one else was up while I slept. I wonder if that was his way of letting us knows he had stopped by. It was strange, and a little bit spooky to get up to see the tree lit when I knew that I turned it off. I think about that every Christmas.

I think that everyone has things happen that they can’t easily rationalize away as pure happenstance.  There may be unearthly forces at work in each of our lives; or I may have read one too many thrillers mysteries, seen one too many movies and TV shows with supernatural themes.  Of course, there’s always the possibility that I have a fertile imagination.  Anything is possible.

Autumn Rhymes

Well I could make rhymes with “Autumn”, such a “bottom”, or “caught ‘em”,  but I just thought some rhymes I’ve written in the past, and some more recent might be a nice, quick read for you. 

Tuesday's Truths: 

Spider webs look pretty 

in the early light of dawn, 

but the spiders sitting in them 

make me scream loud and long, 

laughing away the workday 

is the best way to get by, 

it's oh so nice when co-workers 

all see eye to eye.9/27/11

October dawns with air that’s cool,
As is generally the rule,
With shorter days and crisper air,
And golden sun beyond compare,
The trees will sport their colored leaves,
And at the end a ghostly breeze.2017

Obnoxious politicians,

Rumored scary clowns,

According to the squawking heads,

There's a hurricane bearing down,

There are gloom and doom purveyors,

Everywhere it seems,

Read a happy book at bedtime

If you don't want scary dreams!10/5/16

Leaves are falling

Through sticky air

Can’t find a 

Cool breeze anywhere

October weather’s 

Up and down

Cold then hot

And all around.10/6/2017

On a chilly, rainy Autumn day,

At home is where I wish to stay,

Making soup and drinking tea,

Having time to spend with me,

Alas! To work I still must go,

Up the stream I’ll row, row, row.9/2018

Summer leaves on an Autumn breeze,

Cool dry air is sure to please

Those who long for air to breathe,

The sun is bright, it’s a sparkling day,

There’s not much more that I can say,

‘Cept have a happy, lovely Saturday!10/2018

Cool and rainy Sunday morning,

Sleepy thoughts and coffee’s warming,

Bleary eyes blink and clear,

Nostalgic thoughts bring a tear,

Time moves forward, sure and steady,

Regardless of if we are ready.9/2018

Happy Autumn!

How You Bean?

Summer Lament

August went by in a haze
Of hazy, hot, and humid days,
We say goodbye to a month
Some folks love, some not so much,
Time has flown since it was June
Vacations seem to end too soon.
------------------------------------------------
Thought Drops

Cool and rainy Sunday morning,
Sleepy thoughts and coffee’s warming,
Bleary eyes blink and clear,
Nostalgic thoughts bring a tear,
Time moves forward, sure and steady,
Regardless of if we are ready.
-------------------------------------------------------

Recently my friend and former neighbor lost her son under tragic circumstances. I never imagined getting the phone call from her that she never imagined she would have to make telling me that the little boy who was my oldest daughter's first playmate, who I took care of, who ate all my M&M's if I forgot to put them away, who grew to be a kind young man, was gone.  I cannot begin to imagine her pain although I have been witness to far too many friends who have had to say a final goodbye to their children and learn to carry the weight of that pain with them for the rest of their lives. It appears to me to be a breathtaking pain, palpable in its intensity, and mindblowingly terrible.  How could it be otherwise?  I have sat countless times holding a friend's hand, passing tissues, speaking the child's name, telling stories of their life, all the while tears flowing like a river down our faces trying to remember everything about the precious life which ended too soon.  This friend lives far away now, so we cried on the phone together when she called to tell the news, me wishing I could be there with her to help her learn to breathe again.

Let me tell you some of my memories of Kevin.  He was a quiet, sweet and sensitive baby, startled easily by my louder daughter who was prone to looking at him and yelling, then looking soberly at him when he cried, as if to say "why are you crying?".  As they grew, he became the inquisitive boy who took toys apart to see how they worked, and the typical boy who climbed and jumped down from too high places, swam like a fish, and loved to run.  He was smart, and funny, and polite, and just an all around "good egg".  My favorite thing about him was his sense of humor and how early in his life he understood jokes and plays on words.  One of his favorite jokes was, when asked, "how you been?", he'd answer, "I bean green, how about you?" and laugh.  I cannot open a can of green beans without thinking of him.  Also, when I have M&M's candies I can picture him as a toddler eating them, one after another out of a dispenser we had which was shaped like a large red M&M that if you pushed the raised arm down dispensed a few candies at a time into your waiting hand.  I'm not sure if it was the dispenser he liked so much or the candies--probably both.  There are pictures to look at to jog my memory, the little suit for Easter that he hated wearing, Halloween costumes he and my daughter wore as they trick or treated together, his mother and I hanging back as they knocked on neighborhood doors lisping out "trick or treat!".  There are pictures of Christmas pageants and parties, egg coloring for Easter, a Santa Train ride, birthday parties, and pictures with melting  popsicles running down their sticky faces and hands in summer.  There are so many precious memories of a dear young life for us to look back on as we  try to imagine a future which will never happen.

I cannot fathom why people must die at a young age, I'm not sure anyone can, really.  All I can do is be there when a friend needs me, and make sure that memories of a young life don't fade away.

Gentle Soul

Sweet gentle soul gone way too soon,
Tell me can you see the moon?
Are you a star shining bright
Chasing 'way the darkest night?
We feel you with us as we trudge along,
Angel wings enfold us when we're not strong.

Summer of My Discontent

End of Summer Haiku

August is waning
The days are much shorter now
Geese will soon fly South
————————————————
Limerick for Humidity

From this weather we can’t get a break,
It surely does make my joints ache,
I wish it would change,
There’d be much less pain,
I don’t know how much more I can take!
—————————————————-
Gross Weather Poem

Don’t show me scenes of
Ice and snow
And say that we are lucky
That this is not what’s
Happening
‘Cause I know too soon
It’s coming
But please admit this
Mugginess
Makes you feel hot and
Sticky
This muggy, humid weather
Is just plain gross
And icky!
——————————————

As August draws to a close, I find myself feeling out of sorts. I’m not sure why, but my overriding feeling this summer has been discontent. There isn’t a good reason for it, I had two very happy events to attend—the wedding of our dear friends’ daughter, whom I have watched grow from a 5 year old into a beautiful, intelligent, young woman; and a family reunion for my husband’s side of the family. It was really nice reconnecting with family we seldom see, and it was in a beautiful setting at my sister-in-law’s house in the gorgeous Adirondacks in New York.  We went to our town carnival, and to our town’s food truck festival, as well as other excursions to favorite spots in our region. It’s been fun, even if the weather seems to have been especially hot and humid with showers and thunderstorms many days. So really, why should I feel such discontent? I’m usually one of the most contented people around; I’m generally happy with my life. I guess that’s something I’m going to reflect on once Autumn arrives.

Cruel Irony

One of the cruelest ironies about caring for an adult child with special needs is that while they are getting bigger, parents are getting older and less able to do the heavy lifting; not to mention the chronic fatigue of having been “on duty”  day and night for decades.  It’s wearing on the body, mind, and emotions.

Recently I took my daughter to a new neurologist, as the one we’d been using no longer accepted our insurance.  The new doctor is in a large multistory office building directly across from our area's largest medical center and located in our county seat.  It’s not in a city, exactly, but for our fairly rural area it’s pretty close to being one.  Our area is also rather hilly as we are in a mountainous area.  Thus the building is built sort of into the backside of a hill.  There is a small fairly flat parking lot in the front where the main lobby is, and then there are 4 floors above that.  The remainder of the parking is in a series of 6 lots behind the building on both sides of the driveway going down the hill.  Two of those lots are in covered garage type parking and are by permit only.  They are for the doctors and office staff to use.  This day we were there was particularly sunny, hot and humid.  After circling the top lot, which was the only one with designated spaces for handicapped parking, to no avail, and circling the closest of the rear lots with no better success, I realized that I was going to have to use one of the furthest away lots.  I felt like crying in frustration as the last thing I felt like doing was pushing my daughter in her wheelchair up a couple of hills in the sun and heat. But I just took a deep breath and continued on.  It’s a heavy chair, and she’s an adult, so in total I was pushing about 250 pounds, and I really didn’t want to at all.  The other problem is that when I am out with her alone and there is not an available handicapped van access spot, I have to unload her in her chair before pulling into a spot, park her in between cars, and then pull into the spot.  If the building had security guards, I may have asked if I could unload her into the lobby and then go park but that was not the case.  There was also no valet parking as they have at the hospital. So, to be reasonably sure that when I returned to the van after the visit nobody would have parked in the spot next to us, blocking the ramp deploying without pulling halfway out of the spot before loading her in, I parked in the furthest away lot in the furthest corner.  As it happened, there was a wheelchair for hire bus parked in that area and the driver was relaxing in the shade of a tree nearby.  When I got out of my van to walk around and get my daughter out, he asked if I needed help.  I thought that was very nice and thanked him for the kind offer, but we were ok. It was a about a ¼ mile hike up hill to the rear of the building, and I was hurrying because I’d spent so much time trying to get parked that we were in danger of being late for our appointment.  I’m thankful that there was an elevator, and air conditioning once inside the building.  We were on time for our appointment, which went fairly well, and before long were on the return trek to our van.  The return walk was much easier as it was all downhill, and since I was parked in the shade, it wasn’t too awfully hot once we got in.  It’s kind of funny because that morning I’d been thinking that I would go for a walk after my daughter’s program bus picked her up but had decided it was too hot and opted not to. I ended up getting that walk in anyhow!  I’m lucky that it was not one of the heavy torrential downpour weather days that we’ve been having fairly regularly that day.  I don’t really know what I would have done in that case.  I do know one thing, the next time we have to visit that office I am taking someone with me so that I can either unload close to the building and then go park, or have help pushing up that hill.  I am not as strong as I once was, not that I’m feeble, but my back and knees were quite achy that night and I took it easy the following day so as not to aggravate my back problems.

I don’t often tell the stories of the times we struggle a bit with our daughter, and I don’t do it now to get sympathy or make me look laudable.  I do it simply to shine a light on situations that others may not be aware of.  I have no solutions to this problem to offer, except that perhaps this particular building could benefit from some wheelchair accessible spots in the closest of the rear lots where we were able to access the elevator.  Otherwise, offering to help someone like me is appreciated, even if we don’t accept the help; we always appreciate the gesture.

4th of July

Our founding fathers on this day declared that we are free,
I'm truly thankful that they did, to the future it was key,
they were hot, I'm sure they were with all the clothes they wore,
they had no way to keep it cool, no air conditioned store,
no fan in the window, no ice in a glass,
they did the work they had to do--
now that's what I'd call class!!!                      
Happy Independence Day!!!!2012

Happy Birthday USA!
Red, white, and blue
We’ll wear today,
There are parades,
There’s fireworks too,
Grill, shop, swim,
Whate’re you do,
You do it here,
Where we are free,
There’s no place else,
I’d rather be.
2018

July 4th is:

Hot and sticky, this year we’re having record breaking heat to begin the month of July. July is, in my opinion, the hottest month of the summer. The days are long and the sun is at its strongest.

A good day to listen to Sousa marches. My mother used to bring a cassette tape player outside and play her John Philip Sousa tapes. They’re songs featuring brass instruments playing parade music.  I can always picture a marching band parading down Main Street when I hear them.

A day for macaroni and potato salad alongside burgers & hot dogs cooked on the grill in the backyard. Later, at dusk when the coals were still warm we used to run and get sticks for my dad to whittle into points for roasting marshmallows over the still warm coals. With sticky fingers we then had sparklers which were fun to draw shapes with in the air.

A perfect day to sip homemade iced tea and lemonade after a game of tag or frisbee.

A day to celebrate that we are free to practice any religion or no religion, as we each choose for ourselves, that we have free press who can write any criticism they care to of our elected officials without fear of punishment, that we can move freely across our country, and that we can, despite differing opinions still come together and work for common goals.

Summer Summer

Welcome Summer!

Welcome Summer,
You are hot!
Some of us like that a lot,
Some prefer dear Autumn's ways,
With cooler air and shorter days,
But Summer now that you are here,
You'll go too fast is what I fear,
I love your sunny, longer days,
And in the twilight how fireflies play,
I will enjoy the parts I like,
But Humidity can take a hike!
———————————————
Hello Summer!

Hello Summer, goodbye Spring!
Spring was such a wild thing,
We had snow, then hot, then cold,
Those quick changes sure got old,
Summer is what most folks like,
Swimming, cookouts, riding bikes,
To those of you who must complain,
October will come ‘round again.
————————————————-
It is now officially Summer, yesterday was the summer solstice and from here on out the days will get shorter, a minute or two at a time. So take advantage of it and enjoy not wearing a coat every time you go out and relaxing outside while you can! Since I don’t work in the summer, (one of the perks of working in a school), it always seems to fly by. I start with all these ideas for what I want to do during the break, and just like the weekend, I never seem to do everything I plan!  Nope, the sun and warmth draw me outside and I cannot resist a lazy hour or two with a book and an iced drink in the shade, or a trip to the park for a relaxing walk.  Don’t even get me started about looking at the sky! Whether I’m stepping out on the deck to see the rising sun peek through the leafy trees in the coolness of dawn, contemplating white puffy clouds meandering across a brilliant blue sky, or enjoying the show as the setting sun colors the sky and up lights the trees as it descends into the horizon, I just can’t get enough of it!  The pleasant rustling of leaves and tinkling of wind chimes in a warm Summer breeze just can’t be beat for destressing.   Some people love Summer for all the outdoor activities they can do. Whatever it is you enjoy in the summertime, I hope you can fit it all in before the days get short and cold winds replace gentle breezes.

Childhood Picnics

We are finally having warm, summery weather! I’m so happy that I can sit outside in the evening and watch the changing light as the sun slips behind the trees, and listen to the birds settling in for the night. I find it relaxing after a full day of daily life, and it gives me a chance to let my mind wander. The other evening it wandered through some childhood memories of picnics.

The long summer break from school was one of my favorite times of year. I had the freedom to play outside, read, draw, chase butterflies, or do pretty much whatever I wanted. One of my favorite things to do, when I was maybe eight or nine, was have a picnic lunch. My mom would give me a cheese sandwich on a paper plate and iced tea or lemonade in a plastic cup with a lid. I’d take a blanket and head outside to either the little hill at the back of our yard, or a shady spot under the large Rose of Sharon in the side yard. There I’d sit on my blanket, eat lunch and just enjoy being outside. Other times my mom made a jug of lemonade and some sandwiches and took my brothers and I for a walk in the woods at the top of our street. We’d walk (or run) along the path through the forest exploring things as we went. When we got to a boulder we named “diamond rock”, we stopped and had our picnic lunch. We’d laugh and talk, and tell Mom about discoveries we made along the way and in our wanderigs off the path. Those woods are no longer there, as at some point they were turned into a housing development.

I’m glad I have those memories to reflect on when I have a chance to let my mind wander. There are many paths to go down in our minds, I hope you have some pleasant ones to visit when you have time for reflection. I hope, also, that you have time to regularly do so!

One Comment

One comment can change your day.  For the past few weeks I have been having a tough time of it at work, after having a falling out with a co-worker whom I also thought of as a friend.  I’m not sure the relationship is salvageable beyond the civility working together demands.  It’s a shame, frustrating, and makes me very sad.  I have been on the brink of either asking to be transferred to another location or just quitting altogether and finding another job because it is so uncomfortable to be around this person.  Last night, when picking up my daughter from a dance at the school with the Best Buddies club, I was speaking to one of the aides who regularly brings students to my lunch line.  Something she said to me made me realize that leaving is not the answer.  It made me realize that my job is more than just getting along with my coworkers; it is making lunch time go as smoothly as possible for students and staff.  She told me that no matter what else is going on, I always have a smile for them.  She said they appreciate that so much.  It made me think.  I responded by telling her thank you, and explaining that I really enjoy interacting with the students and staff; and that is the truth.  It’s the best part of what I do.  Even at the high school level, some of the students want to have a short conversation about how their day is going, their plans for the weekend, or how much they like certain food items.  The conversations are very short, only a few seconds, because the line must be kept moving along to give everyone time to eat, but in those few seconds a sense of community can be felt.  Even staff members sometimes have those short conversations with me.  It makes for a pleasant atmosphere.  That’s not to say that sometimes we don’t have trouble in the area, someone trying to get away without paying, or hiding an extra they want but don’t have the money for.  Usually a look from one of the managers or teachers around will nip that in the bud.  Mostly the students are good, honest people.  That positive comment last night made me realize that whatever discomfort I feel with this one co-worker is not a reason to leave a job I love and people who are appreciative of how I treat them.  It changed my mindset, and changed my day for the better.

If there is someone you interact with who leaves you with a positive impression, tell them so.  You just might make their day and give them a badly needed lift.  You never know who is going through a tough time and needs to hear a kind word.

Mother’s Day Thoughts

First, two poems I’ve written for Facebook for Mother’s Day:

From wilted dandelion bouquets 

and sticky little faces, 

to watching from the sidelines 

and driving many places, 

a mother does it graciously 

and doesn't ask for pay, 

that's why each year we honor her 

on a day in May.

Happy Mothers Day!!!5/11/14

Mother's Day is set aside 

to honor mothers far and wide, 

those on Earth we still can call 

and those who passed Heaven's gates so tall, 

a mother's love is sure and strong, 

through good times and when things go wrong, 

feel her love around me still, 

always have, always will, 

to all my mother friends out there, 

the whole world knows how much you care, 

with all my heart to you I say 

have a Happy Mother's Day! <3 span="" xx5="">

Mother’s Day is another special day that has, (in my opinion), been hi-jacked by pop culture and has become a stress and pressure filled event. Instead of simply being a day set aside to treat your mother to a meal she hasn’t had to prepare, some flowers, or a lovely sentiment filled card, it seems to be a day where if you don’t spend a ton of money on a spectacular gift you have failed to make the most important woman in your life feel loved. This is not the truth!!! Most mothers, at least the ones I know, just want to spend time with their children and loved ones sharing a meal, or just talking or playing a game. Flowers are always welcome as is a card or handwritten note.  Really, simple is better! Those spontaneous dandelion bouquets and hearts drawn on scrap paper with crayons and misspelled “I love you Mom” of early childhood are more precious than the most expensive piece of jewelry. Appreciation and love can be shown by simply sharing a cup of coffee and catching up with your mom once you are an adult yourself. Really, Mom doesn’t want you to get stressed out or go into debt for her! The greatest gift you can give your mother is to be happy with your life and share some of it with her. Once she is gone from this Earth, you will remember those simple times you spent together, those memories will give you more comfort than anything.

Monday Thoughts

Monday always come too soon. I need at least one more day in the weekend! By the time I finish all the chores I do on the weekend, there's very little time for relaxing. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

Being at work Monday always feels like such a shock. It seems like one minute I'm all snug in my bed and the next I'm walking into work looking around wondering what the boss is going to change or complain about today. We all seem a little shell shocked on Monday.

Why are cloudy Mondays so much harder? After all, don't the clouds match our general mood? It should be harder on sunny Mondays because we'd be wishing we could be home doing something outside or taking a drive somewhere fun.

Coffee is my go-to boost Monday afternoon. Cookies or cake, too. Monday needs a treat.  

In some ways Tuesday is harder than Monday. It's almost like Tuesday is a hangover from too much Monday.

Once Monday is over we can start looking forward to Friday. As the song says, everybody's working for the weekend!

Signs of Spring

There once was a spider named Fred,

Who filled clever Susie with dread,

She said Oh Em Gee!

His legs wiggled with glee,

Then in the shower he found himself dead.

               Here it is the beginning of April and the signs of Spring are few and far between.  We’ve been having cold weather and it seems like every other day we have snow falling.  There are a couple signs that the Earth is waking up after the long winter such as tulips starting to poke up through the cold ground and rotting leaves, the little bulge and some reddening on the tips of the lilac bush, and an errant spider in the shower as well as some tiny ants that found a little crack that needs to be grouted in the bathroom.  I could do without the last two for sure!  The spider joined me in the shower one very early morning and I dispatched him with the help of toilet paper and my fingers – ewwww!  The ants were a bit tougher, my daughter first dealt with them by spraying them with a bleach based shower cleaner, (why do we always notice these critters when we are in a vulnerable state of undress with limited weapons?), but they came back within hours.  So, I used good old Google to find a less caustic method of removing the little crawlers.  Among the solutions were: drawing a chalk line because the ants will not cross it, spraying with a lemon juice solution, and spraying with white vinegar.  Hmmm, I didn’t have the lemon juice solution ingredients, and the chalk line thing seemed a little amusing and I thought that maybe it would be good for not having ants contaminate a crime scene with a chalk outlined body but couldn’t see myself drawing a chalk line all around the top perimeter of my bathroom.  With my luck I’d have fallen off the ladder and injured myself.  I opted for the vinegar treatment and I am pleased to report that so far the ants have not come back after I sprayed their point of entry and all around the top of the room with it.  The only negative is that my house smelled like deli for a couple of days.  I’m keeping the spray bottle of vinegar in the bathroom for now in case once we actually have a few days of warm weather they decide to make a comeback.

I saw a robin in the tree,

He looked a bit confused to me,

Every branch was cold and white,

Not a tasty treat in sight,

The robin thought that it was Spring,

Isn’t he a silly thing?

               Yes, I did see a robin.  It was last Saturday during a storm in which we had over 6” of snow.  He did look a bit confused and our little suet feeder was empty.  I felt bad but I didn’t have another suet cake to put in it so he had to go find food somewhere else.  Sad. There would have been some bugs and seeds around if we were having a more typical spring.  I keep looking every day for the trees to begin forming buds, or the low brush along the road to have a tinge of green but so far no luck.  I just had a week off of work and had been hoping to do some Spring cleaning with the windows open and sun shining bright.  Most days were cold and either snowy, drizzly, and gloomy or just too cold, windy and overcast.  Disappointing, but there’s nothing I can do about it.  That’s what’s so frustrating about the weather—we can’t do a thing about it!  We just have to accept it and move on.  But if I could change it I sure would!

Go Away Winter

The morning’s dark,
Outside it’s cold,
This winter thing
Is getting old,
Give me sun,
And blooming flowers,
Not falling flakes,
That last for hours.

I mean it, I’m tired of Winter! This year it seems like it’s been extra cold and dark, and we’ve had 3 big snow storms in the last 2 weeks. Snow is pretty—on Christmas Eve & Christmas morning. After that, it’s just a hassle. It must be cleared from the deck, driveway and cars. Driving is dangerous and school and daycare centers either close or delay opening. It might melt during the day and refreeze at night making the roads and walkways treacherous to drive and walk on; pushing my daughter's wheelchair in snow and ice is not easy either!  I'm tired of spreading ice melter all over the deck and driveway, and the mess snowy boots and shoes make of the floors in the house.  I'm weary of bundling up in a bulky coat, scarf, and gloves.  Winter time laundry is more time consuming; the clothes are bigger and take up more room in the washer so there are extra loads, and those larger, heavier clothes take more time to dry, and the hampers fill up so quickly!  Soups and stews are nice, but a tossed salad of fresh from the garden (or local produce stand) vegetables, and chicken or a burger cooked on the grill are so much easier.  Cleanup is 1, 2, 3, and boom! You're done with summer cooking. I'm longing for a sunny, warm weekend afternoon spent sipping iced tea and reading on the deck while a light breeze gets the wind chimes tinkling in the background. Doesn't that sound like heaven?

Well, it's too bad that I'm tired of the cold and snow because if the weather forecasters are to be believed, we're in for at the very least more flurries and cold temperatures for the next 10 days, with the possibility of a 4th winter storm next week on the first day of Spring.  Holy cow! I've had enough!  I can't take one more obligatory snow picture for Instagram, write one more poem about the snow, and listen one more time to "Operation Snowflake" on the local radio station to hear the school and business closings without going mad!  Of course, I have no choice in what the weather does, so I'll just have to grin and bear it for a few more weeks.  Hopefully once the calendar says "Spring" the weather will catch up and we'll have some nice warm days filled with sunshine and some gentle showers to coax the leaves and flowers out of their Winter sleep and brighten up the landscape.  I can't wait for that!

Taken For Granted

          There is nothing like having surgery or something breaking to make you realize you have been taking things for granted.  My recent hand surgery made me think about how I don’t really think about them and how useful they are nearly every waking minute of the day; and how much I like washing them.  Then my glasses fell apart when I was home alone.  Did you ever think about being unable to do even the simplest things for yourself?  It is frustrating at the very least.

          I had a cyst removed from the middle finger of my non-dominant had, as well as carpal tunnel surgery.  We figured that as long as I was there in the operating room the doctor might as well address both problems.  The surgery was no big deal, we were only at the surgical center about 2 ½ hours before we were on the way home, my hand bandaged, and I was very hungry! It wasn’t painful, and ibuprophen took the discomfort away.  I was instructed to keep my hand dry until the stitches came out in 2 weeks. Do you know how many times a day you need to wash your hands?  Disposable gloves became part of my daily life.  Have you showered wearing a dishwashing glove with elastic around the bottom to keep water out?  I don’t recommend it, it’s annoying!  At least I was able to shower, though, so that’s a good thing.  Caring for Hillary and working each were made more interesting by my semi-useless hand.  Things I normally do with ease were more complicated by trying to compensate and still get things done in a timely manner.  Trying to put Hillary’s hair in a ponytail was hard, pushing her chair was not easy, and I couldn’t pull her up the ramp into the van.  Good thing we didn’t need to go anywhere just the two of us!  What I missed the most was washing my hand, and as soon as I got home from the stitches being removed it was the first thing I did! The second thing was use hand cream.  It felt so good!  I never appreciated that before, but sure do now.

          The day before the stitches were removed was my birthday.  That morning I forgot to clean my glasses before I left for work.  They felt a little loose so I decided that I would wait until I was home to clean them, in case they fell apart.  Once I was home and had finished reading all the birthday greetings on Facebook I took my glasses off to finally clean them, and they promptly fell apart.  The lense fell out and I tried to put it back in, with no luck. Desperately, I tried to get that lense to stay in the frame!  The problem is, I need my glasses to see up close.  So here I was, needing to fix glasses that I needed to wear to be able to fix them.  I remembered that my husband keeps a magnifying glass near his chair.  Great! Now I could see that a screw was missing, and we had a screw in a little eyeglass repair kit (also near his chair—how handy!).  I needed to hold the magnifying glass with one hand, but I needed 2 hands to do the repair.  I was one hand short! One and a half if you take into account that one hand wasn’t functioning at 100% yet.  I was determined to fix those glasses!  Well, let me tell you that determination is important but when you’re short a hand fixing something small like that is pretty difficult.  I couldn’t do it.  After about an hour I realized that I needed to see if I had an old pair of glasses around the house to wear until my husband came home.  I think I’ve been not appreciating my glasses and how I depend on them giving me the ability to see clearly.

          They say that you don’t appreciate things until they’re gone and I believe it to be true.  Whether it’s a person, the use of a hand, or your eyeglasses, when you don’t have them you appreciate how much they do for you.  Thank goodness that it was only a short time that I had to make do without.  I can’t imagine life absent of 2 healthy hands, and eyeglasses to give me clear vision.

"How Is This My Life?"

There is a phrase that I mutter to myself frequently these days usually when I'm in the middle of shoveling snow or working my way through a mountain of laundry on a Sunday afternoon.  I could just as easily say it with a more positive connotation when I'm doing something I really enjoy, or looking at beautiful scenery. That phrase is "how is this my life?"

Sometimes I wonder how I got to this place, this particular moment in time, and became who I am.  I can recount life events and decisions I made that lead to going one direction or the other and put me on the path to now.  For instance, what if I stayed in chemistry in high school, toughed it out instead of dropping it on the third day of school?  What career would I have chosen?  Would I have stayed in college instead of dropping out after the first year?  It's hard to say, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have met my dear husband and so wouldn't have my 2 girls.  Probably I wouldn't be a lunch lady now.  But if those 2 decisions had been different, I would have missed out on some very dear friends and many eye opening experiences associated with having a child with special needs; and knowing how many hungry families there are right in my own community.  I would have a different house, probably live in a different town and have a very different life.  It's a lot to think about.  I wouldn't want to change anything, I think that my youthful decisions led me to a wonderful place, a good life despite the moments that make me question things.  I believe there would always have been challenges and trials because they are inevitable, just as there would  have been many rewarding moments.  They would be different, I am sure.

I think that as I go forward though life, asking "how is this my life?" is a good way to take stock periodically and gain some perspective.  Maybe make some changes in my thinking and enjoy more of what comes my way.  How is this my life?  Because I have kept moving forward toward whatever comes next.  It's a pretty good life.

“A Time When My Emotions Got In The Way”

writer's note:

*This is a rewrite of a blog post from 2010.  I submitted it as an article to TheMighty.com but they declined to use it at this time.  Hey, it happens! I decided to post it here, perhaps you will find it of interest or at least informative.*

Sometimes a parent’s emotions get the better of them, and they may act rudely. The parents of those with special needs generally have a high level of stress and emotion already, and when a special occasion comes along it can sometimes be too much. As the mother of a young adult diagnosed with Aicardi syndrome, a condition which includes substantial developmental delays, intractable seizures, visual deficits, and scoliosis, I have found myself frequently doing things I don’t feel like doing. Over the past 25 years of my daughter’s life I have regularly internalized those feelings and put on the happy face of a mother doing her best for the good of her child.  When I reflect on her school years, I see times when nobody would have guessed that I didn’t want to be there. Concerts, scouts, parties, and other activities I accompanied my daughter to were not always where I wished to be.  Of all those times, there were a few that all I could manage was to show up with her, absent the positive attitude.  There is one incident that immediately comes to mind because it was an important milestone for her; middle school graduation.  Generally, I try to be as gracious as possible, but when I’m feeling especially stressed and emotional I struggle with being civil.

After spending 3 years in early intervention, and 6 years in a self-contained therapy based school, we decided that she would attend our town’s schools for the remainder of her school years.  She spent the next 9 years in our brand new middle school, and the final 4 in our local high school.  Her graduation from that middle school was an occasion I had little enthusiasm for. You can’t tell now by looking at the pictures, but I’m afraid that my manners took the night off.

In her last year at the middle school, we had been assured repeatedly by her school case manager that my daughter would be able to stay in that school until she turned 21 and aged out of the educational system.  Things changed and near the end of the 9^th year, due to the class size becoming too small, they decided they wanted to include her in the program at the high school for her last four years. Moving on to the high school was a relatively last minute decision, and 6 weeks’ notice was not enough time for me to adequately deal with the thoughts and emotions caused by this development. I was concerned about how well the larger school would be able to meet her needs, if the teachers would work with her appropriately, how many opportunities for inclusion were available, and if the 1:1 paraprofessional who had been with her for a number of years would go with her.   I was not looking forward to attending the graduation ceremony, being unprepared in every way for how I was feeling.  I could have told the school that my daughter wasn’t going to participate in the ceremony, but I try to remember that her life experiences should not be planned by what is easiest for me. I have always just wanted to give her as typical a life as possible within her range of ability, and graduation is part of that. Although I would have felt better staying home, I could not deny her participation. It was a lot more work for me to get her ready at a time of day when all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a book and a blanket. As she is sensitive to being touched, she was unhappy about all the preparations we had to do at home to get ready for the special evening. We put flowers in her hair, took pictures, and gave her gifts. During the evening she seemed excited as she looked all around during the processional, smiled at the applause and sat with her peers in front of all the parents. At the time, I failed to enjoy it. Sensing my reluctance to allow her participation, I was assured by the school administration that we would have a parking spot reserved for our wheelchair van, as well as 3 seats right up front for my husband, my older daughter, and me in case she suffered a seizure during the ceremony or we needed to exit with her quickly, and she would be reassured by being able to see us there. When we arrived, the parking spot was taken by someone else, it was difficult navigating with her wheelchair through the crowd, and one of our chairs was missing. I’m afraid that even at this early stage of the evening my graciousness and patience were low, and I spoke rudely to the man taking the tickets. This man was kind enough to ignore my poor attitude when I complained about the missing seat, and asked someone to get us another chair. I managed to get through the ceremony, but the natural excitement of other parents irritated me. In retrospect, I see that part of what I was feeling was fear of the future and a heightened sense of how differently she experienced life as compared to her peers. By the end of the evening I was cursing just above what would be considered under my breath, and barely managing not to shove people out of my way in order to exit the building to meet up with my daughter and her attendant. Once outside, I couldn’t wait to get home, get my graduate into bed and then relax.

Now that time has gone by I am able to see how good this was for her, and glad that I pushed through my emotions that evening. In fact, 4 short years later when she graduated from high school, a genuine smile was on my face the night of the ceremony.  I am thankful for these and so many more memories of her 18 years in school; all of them, the ones where I was rude, and the ones where I was truly happy. I can see now that our children are not the only ones growing and learning during their school years.